HAYI POV

Fall, 2014

Time seemed to pass too slowly with school starting and cheer training going on for me. Hanbin was stuck in Australia for a performance, along with other people representing the school in a theatre competition. He snapchatted me photos of pretty sunsets, and of the Sydney night lights he pointed out to me in particular to make me jealous. He also showed off the food he ate by taking a ridiculous amount of selfies each time he had a meal. Even though it felt nice that he still remembered me whilst travelling, I couldn't wait to talk to him when he returned. The curiosity that was bubbling within me was so palpable that it could combust any moment and I just hoped I could get an answer from him about my feelings. 

Hey Hayi, I made you a playlist whilst I was on the go. It has all the nice songs I like, I hope you listen to it. 

Haha I sure hope the school isn't paying you to have a vacation in Australia. You seem awfully relaxed for someone participating in a competition. 

You seem to be terribly free for someone with school and training. Listen to the playlist alright, I'll see you in a few days.

I didn't have much to do in the first week of school, so I mostly spent it hanging out with Ahyoung and Chaemin after school during cheer practice at cafes or their homes. We were walking to a ddeokbeokki stall to grab food after cheer practice one day when I spotted Aera holding hands with an unfamiliar boy in front of the stall. 

It was not Hanbin, though I thought it could be. I then remembered that the idiot was still down under. Ahyoung and Chaemin looked at me and immediately made a u-turn, deciding that they were suddenly craving to eat something else. I wasn't actually affected by the appearance of Aera and her new boyfriend, but it felt comforting to have such supportive friends. Ahyoung and Chaemin were home to me in many ways, sticking out for me and with me through thick and thin. I didn’t deserve them but they still held on to me. Hanbin shouldn’t have existed in my life either, but he still did, just like how my favourite flowers weren’t supposed to be in front of my door step that day. They lay in front of me on the ground.

The daisies were wrapped in a nice bouquet with baby breaths, and sent with a note

“I hope you’re okay – Hanbin”.

How was it possible that whilst he was gone, the universe seemed to remind me of his presence so strongly?

As I stepped into the house, I realised something peculiar. I spotted some luggage at the door way and a pair of male leather shoes. Before everything could make sense, a voice bellowed “ Hayi, why are you home so late?”. My father was back from his frequent business trips and my life was about to get worse. I never had a close relationship with him and his frequent business overseas trips made him absent most of the time. This allowed me space to breathe and make life more bearable. I greeted him and immediately shut my door, determined to not leave the room as long as I could. I occupied myself with my school work and watched videos for the next couple of hours.

It was only at 9pm when I realise I had to use the toilet desperately, I tiptoed to the toilet opposite from my parents’ room to relieve myself and take a quick shower.  I was so relieved when nobody caught me sneaking back into my room after I took my shower. Ahyoung called me that night to talk about new people she met in school and it was then, my room door flung open.

“ Lee Hayi, stop talking on the phone right now, you inconsiderate child.”

My father was really strict, but this seemed rather out of place. I hung up the phone and placed it on my desk.

“What’s the matter Appa*?”

“ How dare you disturb my sleep at this hour?!?! I think I need to teach you a lesson. Come kneel down here, you wretch!”

I got shocked at his rage towards me but I saw it coming. Appa had anger management issues and I was thankful I had packed a bag filled with my essential things, foreseeing this situation. Before Appa could say another word, I was running, on the way to Ahyoung’s house.

“ Auntie, my father is back from his business trip. Can I stay with Ahyoung for the night?”

Ahyoung’s mother was surprised to see me at this hour but all it took was for her to hear "father" before she let me in. Ahyoung came out of her room, not even the least bit surprised I was there. She gave me a hug and helped set up a mattress in a room beside her bed. That night, I fell asleep dreaming of my knight in shin