*Hellloooo. I'm back again with another update, and I'm not sure when would be the next time I'd be able to so if you're bored, feel free to read the past chapters. I'm sorry in advance if it will take a long time before I'd be able to post again.

*Enjoy everyone!

“We’re not trained here to be heroes. We’re far from that. It’s neither a savior nor a villain, what they label us, that is. Mere puppets, that’s the best description I guess.”

Cans of beers and pieces of pizza that was left uneaten were scattered all over the bed, and they don’t care at all if there’s not enough space now for them to lie comfortably. They’re used to sleep on cold floors anyways.

“At least we’re not like when we were kids, strolling on the streets with no direction and no means of appeasing hunger. Now, we can have anything we want to. And we don’t-”

“Even have the freedom to use our own identity. And we don’t have the chance of doing what we really want. We maybe have sufficient money now to avoid that past experiences but to me, we’re still that kids. Just wrapped with gold and silver today, but nothing has changed.”

Sitting still at the edge of the bed, hands clasping their 7^th can, they were both still on their uniforms but no one mentioned it. They were both bruised from the latest mission but no one pointed or complained about it. All they wanted at the moment was to forget for a while but their alcohol tolerance won’t allow their memories to blur even just a little bit.

And it’s totally frustrating.

Especially when you just ended the life of someone who trained you to be one of the best assassins in the country. Just for the reason of wanting to leave the life he had grown attached to for the sake of wanting to have a family with her girlfriend who’s pregnant with his first son.

He understood why though. Becoming a member brings a lot of incentive yet you’ll end up carrying more responsibilities as well. And one is taking the secret of the group until you die; moving out in the middle is unacceptable. No matter what explanation or reason you give, it still means the same to them:  an upcoming betrayal.

No matter how good you are in your task, or how much efficiency you show, it all goes back to the question of your loyalty. Doubts would mean disintegrating attachment, and without second thoughts, the ones behind the association could tell other members to shoot you straight in the head while you’re on your back.

Such a bittersweet thing to part with.

“Don’t you wonder how Sir Jung looked liked when he heard our voice? When he discovered that it was us who’re told to dispose him?”

“Bet he looks proud, he expects it to be us anyway. If the root is infected, the next part to look after is the branches right? If we haven’t done that, or if we asked to be placed on other project, we would be the next target of the group. Everything goes like that. A never ending cycle of doubt and death.”

“But his girlfriend’s probably waiting for him now at the airport. I’ve overheard him talk like a lovesick puppy to her on the phone one time and-”

“Don’t worry about that now. If you’re able to easily hear those plans, someone else would be coming right in front of her to make sure every single glitch is cleaned.”

“But she’s due in two months, that’s a waste…”

The younger of the two just snorted and slumped on the bed while playing with the empty cans beside his tear-streaked cheeks. He doesn’t want to hear more pity from his partner who looks tougher than him.

--

It was already past midnight when sleep started taking over Sungjong, yet he doesn’t want to close his eyes yet. He’s still waiting for his mother to return from what she said to be just a short meet-up with a long-time friend of hers.

But it has been already been three months.

Of him asking like a beggar on the streets just to fill up his growling stomach. Of him staying under outside sheds of any store to avoid the cold rain or extreme heat of the sun. Of him waiting like an idiot despite of knowing that she would never come back.

That’s the beauty with young age, believing that hope could bring you anywhere you want to be.

Reality doesn’t work that way though. And Sungjong doesn’t want to live in that idea yet. He’s just five years old and he has the right to stay in his own imaginary world.

That’s when gentle and warm hands patted his cheeks to fully wake him up. What filled his mind was a bright smile and sweet voice of someone who wanted to help him, and who is he to say no to such great offer of soft bed and abundant food?

And when he arrived to where the good uncle, as how he calls him in his mind, lives what caught his attention first was the other kid that’s taller than him but seems to be near his age glaring at him before getting a pair of clean pajamas.

“Myungsoo, stop looking like you’re planning his death or you would totally scare him now. I’m really sorry Sungjong, but he’s usually like that with persons he just met. Don’t worry, he’ll warm up to you later.”

From that day, he tried to forget about waiting for his mother who seems to not care whether he’ll be able to survive or not. What’s important is the present, of the chances that would come along and the memories that he’ll build.

--

“Are you crying?”

“No, I just hate how this beer tastes like.”

Brows scrunched together, the older one decided to scoot closer to the other whose eyes are closed now. They’ve been living and working together for a long time now that he knows what his partner’s action means. If only Sungjong could open up more than keep every pain and anger within him, Myungsoo would be truly contented.

“Since when did you diss a liquor’s taste? Tell me Jong-ah, you hate today’s events right? You hate it that needed to be him, that it needed to be us with the gun. You hate it that we’re still on this job and we feel so helpless with our want to leave this life and start anew without the need to-”

“Shut up will you?! Damn it!”

“Let it out Sungjong, punch me all you want, you’re free to do anything  you want to-”

He expected lethal punches thrown on him but what he received was just as dangerous but something he’s willing to have over and over again.

It was weird and he didn’t know how to respond but he doesn’t care now, since it was Sungjong’s lips on his, those slender hands wrapped around his trembling neck, and he would be lying if he hadn’t imagine this happening between the two of them for many times now.

He’s not sure when it started, of him noticing the smallest of details and wanting to comfort the younger more than usual. Of his irritation when Sungjong needs to act and flirt with their target to get the needed facts. Of the want to play with those black strands of soft hair that he pretends to fix it for the petite guy. Of those moments he just wants to cuddle up when they wake up in the same bed and then he remembers they need to move quickly for the new assignment sent to them via email.

His imagination ended when he felt the loss of warmth on his own lips, and the sight that welcomed him was heartbreaking he felt like turning into a shield if that’s humanly possible. He’s in pain as well with the death of their mentor but he knows he could handle the emotion better. He knows how great an actor Sungjong is if he wants to, but he knows as well that the tears streaming down from his lambent eyes are out of grief and not planned.

Sungjong hates to be called weakling that he only sees him crying when it needed to be done in their projects.

“You’re such a bad guy you know that? You know how painful it is for me to lose another family and you kept on repeating what happened, if you-”

“Hush, I know it’s painful, and it wouldn’t be that heavy if you’re willing to share the burden with me don’t you think?”

No more words were exchanged, and they thought that all they needed was a hug right now.

Tomorrow could worry for itself, but today, the presence of someone important beside them, not pushing away but accepting the affection given, was the important thing.

*I'm feeling anxious with the upcoming board exam, I hope you'll pray together with me that I'll be able to pass and have my license afterwards. Thanks in advance!

*Take care dear readers.

#myungjong.for.life