3. KEEP MOVING FORWARD!

 

“I deserve a party,” Jackson announced, dropping down in the seat next to Mark at their cafeteria table. Youngjae and Jaebum glanced at him warily. Mark simply sighed.

  
“We’ve been over this,” he said. “You're throwing one for Halloween in, what, two weeks? We’ll just wait until then.”

  
“Your beloved Jackson Wang was almost deported to Hong Kong, and you don’t want to throw me an additional party? Where is the love?”

  
“I showed you plenty of appreciation while this whole thing was going on, didn’t I?”

  
“And you think there is such a thing as too much appreciation? To your friend who was almost torn away from you for good? Am I hearing this correctly?”

  
Mark sighed. “Fine. You plan whatever you want, and I’ll pay for the pizza or whatever.”

  
“Ah! My angel!” Jackson threw his arms around Mark’s shoulders. Jinyoung, Jaebum, and Mark all made a disgusted face at just about the exact same moment. “Jaebum. Youngjae. You can be the guests of honor.”

  
“What on earth for?” Jaebum asked.

  
“I can admit that I was wrong about what I did to you guys with the frog prank a few weeks ago. Sincerely. From the bottom of my heart. I was wrong to assume Jaebum would be cool and protect Youngjae from Frog-ssi. My mistake.”

  
Jaebum turned red. “Are you serious right now?”

  
“Do I look not serious? Because it was my mistake, you can share the honors of the day with me. I’m such a nice guy, right?”

  
“And to think I was so concerned about the possibility of you leaving…”

  
“I know, I know. Can’t live without me, right?” He looked at Jinyoung. “You room with Kunpimook, right? Let him know he and Yugyeom are invited. Let’s get the whole gang together.”

  
“I didn’t know we were a gang,” Jinyoung pointed out. He’d technically not even met Jackson until a few weeks ago, and hadn’t even known he and BamBam knew each other.

  
“Of course. Any friend of Mark’s is a friend of mine. Wait, you should be a guest of honor, too, Jinyoung!”

  
“No, thank you. I’m more than happy to celebrate just you.”

  
“Ahhh, Mark, I like this guy.” This time Jackson threw his arms around Jinyoung, clinging on stubbornly as Mark tried to push him off.

  
“So what kind of party is this going to be?” Youngjae asked.

  
“One where your wildest dreams come true.”

  
“So, going to this party will make my grades go up and stuff?”

  
“That’s your wildest dream? Really? Wildest?”

  
Youngjae shrugged.

  
“If your grades go up too much, you won’t live the dream of having Jaebum as your tutor anymore.”

  
“That’s why,” Youngjae muttered.”I feel bad about being a burden all the time.”

  
“I’d never think of you like that,” Jaebum barked, a little forcefully. When everyone at the table stared at him in alarm, he turned red again and said in a much quieter voice, “I mean, you shouldn’t say things like that, it’s no problem.”

  
“Oh boy,” Jackson said brightly. “Tension. This looks like it’s going to be extra fun.”

  
0

  
Jinyoung dug through his closest for the fifth time and turned up with nothing in particular he wanted to wear. Had his clothes always been this boring? Or was he just overthinking things? BamBam and Yugyeom had dressed ages ago and were lounging around on BamBam’s bed playing cell phone games, as unconcerned about Jackson’s party as they were about most things. He was definitely overthinking things.

  
I should be more like them, he coached himself. It didn’t matter if he wore a garbage bag to the event, it probably wasn’t going to make Mark like him any more or less or change the fact that he really needed to get over himself and just let Jaebum and Mark date like they evidently wanted to.

  
Although, his mind goaded him,  what the hell was up with Jaebum about Youngjae the other day?  Jaebum could be gruff, but he was a generally moderate person, and would normally lighten up something like what Youngjae had said with a joke or something upbeat to make him happy again. And for that matter, when was Youngjae, who was normally a ball of sunshine, that solemn about something? What if there were some issues going on with them on top of everyone else? Or was he just overthinking that, too?

  
Jinyoung at last pulled out his most recently purchased jeans and button down shirt to wear, giving up on trying to make a better impression and continue to dwell on things that would most likely sort themselves out. It would have to do. Maybe he could do something with his hair to make himself look a bit more presentable―wait, why was he persisting in acting like this, still?

  
“How do you guys know Jackson?” Jinyoung asked BamBam and Yugyeom as he pulled some accessories out of his dresser to add to the ensemble.

  
“We’re in the study abroad program together,” BamBam reminded him. “He and Mark were two of the first people I met after coming here.”

  
“I’ve never seen you hanging out very much.”

  
“He’s always pulling me on his lap and thrashing me around and stuff. I don’t want to get whiplash and die.”

  
“You too?”

  
“Me three,” Yugyeom said grimly. Jinyoung made a mental note not to get within grabbing distance of Jackson during the party tonight.

  
After he’d dressed and fiddled with his hair more than necessary, the three of them made the walk to the local arcade where Jackson and Mark were hosting the event. Somehow, one of them, most likely Jackson, had gotten the owner to put up a banner reading “Congrats on not getting kicked out of Korea, Jackson!” over the air hockey table where the man of the night himself was already aggressively challenging Jaebum to a match.

  
“Boo,” Mark said, leaping down from the DDR machine where he’d apparently just finished a round with one of Jackson’s other friends. There were beads of sweat on his forehead, and Jinyoung found himself staring a little bit at the damp ends of his hair. Were things like that supposed to look that y? “Look at you, Jinyoungie, you did your hair differently.”

  
Jinyoung felt all the more embarrassed that he’d gone out of the way to make the effort now that Mark had noticed it so quickly. “Yeah,” he muttered. "I was just fooling around with it."

  
"It looks nice." Mark gave it a , as if Jinyoung were a particularly irresistable kitten. Jinyoung didn't know whether to be pleased by the attention or even more embarrassed than before.

  
In any case, he was relieved when BamBam bounded up to Mark and began talking to him in his silly sounding English, distracting his attention. Feeling a little bit awkward and more than a little unsure of how he was even supposed to act around Mark anymore, he wandered off to find Youngjae, who was sitting alone at one of the racing games without actually playing it.

  
“How are you doing?” he asked. Youngjae’s expression looked a little dispirited, which now that he considered it, seemed to be his default setting recently. “Aren’t you supposed to be a guest of honor, or something?”

  
“I’m lucky I could even come at all, with how much my parents were nagging me,” Youngjae said, scowling. Jinyoung blinked. Youngjae scowling? “They think I should spend the weekend studying… I can’t keep asking Jaebum to do that, just because I at biology. He should have a life, too.”

  
“So should you. I don’t think it will kill you to have fun.”

  
“I know. But seriously, he’s probably sick of the sight of me by now. I don’t mind hanging out over here. Besides…” He shifted in his seat, suddenly looking uncomfortable. “Um, Jinyoung, can I ask you something that’s probably really awkward?”

  
Jinyoung stomach sank.  Oh god. If this is about me and Jaebum or Jaebum and Mark or me and Mark…  “Uhhh…” he said, trying to stall. Why exactly had he wandered away from Mark, and why wasn’t Mark trying to find him?

  
“Do you… is it possible you…”

  
To Jinyoung’s relief, Jackson swooped in instead of Mark. “Youngjae, this is no good. How can you be the guest of honor if you’re pouting in a corner like this? Come on, let’s get you over to the air hockey table.” He grabbed Youngjae’s arm, and as a second thought grabbed Jinyoung’s. “You too, Jinyoung.”

  
Once he had gotten them out of racing area, he pushed Jinyoung into Mark who was still at DDR with BamBam and Yugyeom, then continued to drag Youngjae over to hockey with a flippant wave.

  
“Owww,” Jinyoung muttered, rubbing the shoulder that had slammed into Mark’s chest. “Sorry about that, he didn’t exactly warn me he was going to do that.”

  
Mark slung his arm around Jinyoung’s injured shoulder. “You shouldn’t have run off to begin with.”

  
“I wanted to check on Youngjae, he's been in a bad mood a lot,” he said. God, he’s a foreigner, he’s not supposed to even like touching, why is he doing this?

  
“Ah. He has been a little off recently, but…” Mark trailed off, seeming to think the better of whatever he was going to say. “Um, I don’t think there’s anything you can really do to help him, so I would just leave it to Jaebum.”

  
“You think Jaebum is more helpful than me?” he asked coolly. “As a matter of fact, Youngjae doesn’t want to bother Jaebum anymore, so I think I could be far more helpful with whatever it is.”

  
“Just trust me on this one,” Mark insisted. “And I really wasn’t trying to insult you. You already know that I think you’re helpful, right?”

  
“Don’t pay him any mind, Mark, Jinyoung’s also been in a mood recently,” BamBam said.  “He got rejected by the person he likes.”

  
“Oh my god, shut up,” Jinyoung snapped.

  
“Still upset about that, huh,” Mark said flatly.

  
“Just because some of us don’t know what the feeling’s like doesn’t mean I have to get over it at a speed fast enough to please them. Sorry for remaining a roadblock, though.”

  
BamBam and Yugyeom looked at each other in alarm. “Uh, yeah, let’s go,” Yugyeom said quickly, grabbing BamBam by the arm. “Don’t kill each other, okay?”

  
Mark waited for the two of them to be out of earshot to say anything else. “Jinyoung,” he said quietly. “I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but that rivalry thing isn’t important to me at all. I said I would ch-”

  
Jinyoung didn't want to hear it. “What you said and what you want are two different things, aren’t they?”

  
Mark’s eyes widened. Jinyoung froze.  No, this isn’t what I want, I don’t want to do this now. If I have to give in, I don’t want to do it in a way that will make him hate me.

  
He shook off Mark’s arm and crossed the room to the arcade entrance. He needed air. Not just that, he needed to stop completely.   He was making it worse for everyone, and being a horrible, self-centered friend in the process. It was no wonder Mark preferred Jaebum, who hadn’t been doing his best to win the World’s Biggest Jerk award recently. He half wished he could go back to being in love with Jaebum himself. That had its downsides, but at least he’d been capable of acting like a normal human being back then.

  
He plopped down on the metal railing outside the arcade, sitting facing the street. It had rained that afternoon, and the road was still a bit slick, reflecting the bright street lights on the pavement. He didn’t want the artificial glare. He wanted the sunshine back. He wanted to find all the good feelings from it that he'd lost, if they still existed, somewhere.

  
He heard someone sitting down next to him, knowing it was Mark. He didn’t say anything, neither of them did, and it hurt him a little bit that he’d brought it to a point where they’d lost their comfort around each other. It was the most important thing he had to give to Mark. It was the one thing about him that Mark had seen as special.

  
“I’m sorry,” Mark said finally. “I didn’t know you still felt so much for Jaebum.”

  
“That’s not something you need to concern yourself with anymore,” Jinyoung said, still not meeting Mark’s eyes. “Just do what you want.”

  
“No. Do you think I get anything out of seeing you this upset?” Mark sighed sharply. “Look, forget about this whole thing. I said I wasn’t going to go after Jaebum, and I wasn’t lying. If you want to, go on ahead.”

  
“No!” Jinyoung finally turned to face him. “This is a truce. Fair is fair.”

  
“Look, what about this is fair right now? To anyone? I’d rather have you do what you want to your heart’s desire then be miserable all the time because you can’t. Because of me.”

  
“It wasn’t because of you, ever, it was because he didn’t choose me, and now it’s―” He sighed in frustration. “Maybe I want you to be happy, too.”

  
“You have no idea,” Mark said. “You have no idea at all what that would mean.”

  
“I might better than you think.”

  
“Sure about that?" Mark's hands clutched tightly on the metal railing, his knuckles turning white. "Then you’ve realized the business of you coming up with me liking Jaebum 'too' is―”

  
They heard a loud clatter behind them, which cut what Mark was saying off. They turned around to see a very stricken looking Youngjae standing there, gaping at them with a lost expression, the arcade token bucket he'd been holding fallen at his feet. “Ah!” he yelped, his eyes darting around nervously. “Um, I… I wasn't...” His mouth trembled. “Well…I… what I mean is… g-good luck, you guys!” Forcing a huge smile, he whirled around and walked back into the arcade with all the stiffness of a robot.

  
Jinyoung stared after him blankly. “Good luck…?”

  
Mark sighed. “You don’t want to know. Let me go talk to him.”

  
“You don’t think he heard us, did you?”

  
“Probably. He misunderstood it a little, though. I’ll clear it up with him.”

  
“Should I come, too?”

  
“No. It’s not like you understand it either, really.”

  
Jinyoung winced as Mark followed Youngjae back into the arcade. The last look Mark had given him wasn't something he had wanted to see. It was obvious he was annoyed, but more than that, there was disappointment when he looked Jinyoung, as if he had expected more from him and he'd been lacking. But what did Mark even want? What kind of understanding was he expecting when he shared so little with Jinyoung and couldn't even find a reason to be honest with him? Jinyoung hoped BamBam, Yugyeom, and especially Jackson were having a great time, since he seemed to have messed things up for everyone else concerned.

  
He pulled out his phone and texted BamBam. I’m not feeling well, so I’m going to head back early. Tell Jackson I’m sorry.  He got to his feet as headed down the street before anyone could wander out and stop him.The party was for a happy occasion after all. It should stay that way. No one there needed him for that.

  
0

  
Jinyoung didn’t want to drag himself to school after the weekend, but BamBam very charmingly told him he’d set off a stink bomb in the room if he didn’t leave it, so he’d gone through the motions of at last getting out of his pajamas and showering and trying to face the world like a person who hadn’t managed to upset two―or three, if Jackson was angry with him for ditching―of his friends in one go.

  
Unfortunately, when he ran into Youngjae in the Student U, all he got was a lot of stammering and twitchiness until he made some half assed excuse about needing to go to the tuition office and ran off. He’d thought seeing Jaebum would be less stressful since they’d never had the chance to talk during Jackson’s party and thus nothing had gone wrong, but he looked just as terrible when Jinyoung crossed path with him on the way to history.

  
“You!” he said, practically pouncing on Jinyoung. “Do you know what the hell is wrong with Youngjae? Is he in trouble with his family again? Did he get sick at the party?”

  
“No, I don’t think so. I just saw him earlier…” Jinyoung bit his lips. “Honestly, I think I may have made him feel awkward about something, and he’s acting out because of that. Did he say anything to you?”

  
“No, and that’s exactly what’s bothering me. He left Jackson’s party early and hasn’t texted me since. I went over to his dorm the other day, and even though his name card said he was in, he wouldn’t answer when I knocked.”

  
“I see…did you try talking to Mark?”

  
Jaebum snorted. “Mark? He couldn’t be less helpful if he tried right now. Actually, you should try talking to him. For all our sake’s. Please.”

  
“What do you mean?”

  
“Maybe you should try figuring that out for yourself.”

  
Jinyoung scratched his head, absolutely flummoxed. He was half terrified that he would burst in on some sort of soap opera going on in the cafeteria if Jaebum, Youngjae, and Mark hadn’t sorted things out during their shared biology class, but when he arrived there, only Mark and Jackson were at the table.

  
“PARK JINYOUNG, I’M SO PISSED AT YOU RIGHT NOW!” Jackson yelled as soon as he laid eyes on him.

  
“Join the club,” Jinyoung said. He hazarded a glance at Mark. He looked tired, but not ready to storm out of the room. So better than Youngjae, at least.

  
“You ruined all my plans! I hope you’re prepared to do some serious groveling to make up for tanking the only ‘Congrats on not getting deported’ party I’ll ever have.”

  
“I can get you deported if you’re so depressed,” Mark muttered.

  
“And you! You didn’t help matters! At all!”

  
“Did me leaving a little bit early really ruin an entire party?” Jinyoung asked. “There were plenty of other people there.”

  
“That party was my big chance to put my ‘get my friends to stop being idiots towards each other’ master plan in action, and now you’ve all turned into bigger idiots than you were before. Except Kunpimook and Yugyeom, who are now my new best friends since I’ve had it up to here with the rest of you. Especially the two of you. You had Jackson Wang on your side, and you kicked his good will to the curb!”

  
Jinyoung looked at Mark. “What is he talking about?”

  
Mark shook his head, which only seemed to make Jackson angrier. “Oh, COME ON. Don’t pretend like you don’t know when you’re 100% the reason he has no idea what’s going on.” He took a deep breath and made a big show of calming himself. “Now. I’m not going to spend the precious hours of my precious life eating with two people who are DUMB and STUPID, so I’m going to go find the two cute kids who didn’t manage to piss me off this weekend, and you two can have a nice life.” He smacked Mark on the back and sauntered off to the other side of the cafeteria.

  
“Well,” Jinyoung said.

  
Mark gave him a half smile. “Well.”

  
“Did talking with Youngjae not go well?”

  
“I wouldn’t say it went that badly. I cleared up his misunderstanding, but―” He grit his teeth. “Well, it’s not like I could tell him that you liking Jaebum was a lie.”

  
Jinyoung groaned. “So, what, now he’s freaking out because this sort of thing is going on with his best friends and he doesn’t know what to do?”

  
Mark stared at him, then sighed. “You know what? Jackson is right. I can’t go around getting mad that you aren’t understanding anything when I made you this way to begin with.” He stood up, grabbing his backpack. “Come on, let’s skip.”

  
“But I have choir.”

  
“And I bet you anything Jaebum and Youngjae won’t be there either. They missed bio. Now it’s your turn.” He grabbed Jinyoung’s hand and yanked him out of the cafeteria.

  
He had no idea where Mark was taking him at first, and was a bit surprised when they ended up in front of his own dorm room. “My place?”

  
“BamBam has classes after lunch. Jackson doesn’t, and I doubt the last thing he wants is to go back to our room and find us there.” He waited for Jinyoung to unlock the room, and promptly sprawled out on his stomach Jinyoung’s bed when they were inside. Jinyoung nudged him to the side and lay down beside him on his back.

  
“Sleepy?” he asked Mark. He’d looked exhausted from the moment he’d seen him, and didn’t look any more rested now that he was lying down.

  
“I don’t think that’s the right word for it.” He looked down at Jinyoung’s sheets and smoothed them flat with his fingers. He still looked uncomfortable. “I’m just… frustrated.”

  
“With me, right?”

  
Mark shook his head. “No. Myself. I’ve been incredibly stupid.”

  
“I hadn’t noticed.”

  
“Or maybe you just like seeing the best in people.”

  
Jinyoung laughed bitterly. “I don’t remember treating you so well when I found out we were rivals.”

  
“You were maybe annoyed with me for a few hours. Then you got over it and were sweet to me all over again. That’s just the person you are.” He played his fingers along the edges of Jinyoung’s sheets, still not looking up. “But I don’t really deserve you being sweet to me, all right? I haven’t been… I haven’t been being honest with you.”

  
Jinyoung held his breath. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear what came next. “About…?”

  
“About…the thing with Jaebum. I’m not sure you remember the details of how it happened, but you were the one who said…” He trailed off, trying again. “Before you said ‘you like Jaebum, too, don’t you’ I had no idea you liked him that way, and I didn’t know how to react, so I―”   Mark didn’t seem able to complete this train of thought either. He released a long groan and slammed his head against the bed. “, why is this so hard?” he yelled in English.

  
Jinyoung wasn’t sure how to respond because he didn’t get yet what Mark wanted to tell him. Had Mark been dishonest about being ready to give up Jaebum for his sake? He didn’t want that to be it. But what if it was worse: what if Mark and Jaebum had already gotten together, and he’d lied to Jinyoung about it? That would explain the misunderstanding he’d had to clear up with Youngjae, as well as Youngjae’s embarrassed reaction to seeing Jinyoung―Mark had confessed to seeing the person he thought Jinyoung still liked, and Youngjae couldn’t face him or Jaebum while knowing the truth.

  
Mark, who was still stewing beside him, tipped his head up, noticing Jinyoung’s CD sun catcher. There was a slight breeze coming from the window to stir it, but no light coming out through the cloud cover to give it any sun to catch. He waited for the label to spin and face them, and when he saw it was blank, the corners of his lips twitched.

  
“You didn’t do anything to it,” he said. “Most people would carve patterns or put some kind of decoration on it if they were going to make a point to hang it up like that. Is that one of your choir performances? Or the choir performance, the one with Jaebum?”

  
Jinyoung looked at him in surprise. “How would you just guess that?”

  
“You’re predictable. And…” He hesitated. “You said yourself, that was the day you fell in love. And like you also said, it was the same for me.”

  
“Oh…”

  
“Kind of funny how that works. You go somewhere purely out of curiosity, and you wind up finding out something a lot more than you were expecting.” He shifted the angle of his body a little so that his was face was leaning slightly over Jinyoung’s. For the first time in a while, their eyes were meeting, and Mark’s gaze finally seemed less evasive. “Seeing someone you barely even knew becoming so beautiful in front of your eyes. And then realizing that they always were beautiful, and you can just see it more clearly now. And then little by little learning that their beauty comes in so many ways. In kindness, in smiles, in how they make you feel. I wonder if that’s how you felt, how you feel now. I wonder if your feelings come anywhere close to mine.” His fingers were straying to the place they had gone to before, the tips of Jinyoung's bangs where they could touch both his hair and the skin of his forehead.

  
Jinyoung stared at him, his heart aching. His feelings for Jaebum couldn’t touch that; Mark won on that front, and probably always had. But his feelings for Mark―especially with how they were roiling into a fever pitch in his chest―knew exactly what Mark was saying. Mark was that beautiful in his eyes, and became even lovelier with every second. As he looked at him, he saw himself reflected in Mark’s eyes and wished he could be seen in that light, made just as beautiful by love as the words he painted about Jaebum. But he only saw his own love reflected back, solitary and unfulfilled. Beautiful in its own way, but completely alone.

  
“I shouldn’t have teased you,” Mark said gently. “Your heart is so pure. Even with Jaebum, I wonder… I wonder if you ever thought like I did. If you thought all the time about what it would feel like.” His fingers trailed down the bridge of Jinyoung’s nose and landed on the center of his lips. “If you thought about this.”

  
Jinyoung froze. He needed to protest. In trying to compare their feelings for Jaebum, Mark probably had no idea that he was close to crossing a dangerous line, that touching Jinyoung on the lips like this wasn’t something he could just do. But all the same, he couldn’t move. Mark’s eyes had a hypnotic power over him he was powerless to break, and part of him wanted to flirt this close to the edge even if it meant nothing, even if it was something that would hurt him later. There was something in Mark’s eyes, something not meant for him, but something he wanted to pretend belonged to this moment and not someone else. Even if Mark wasn’t really seeing him, he was still the one who was there. Jaebum wasn’t.

  
They stayed that way for a moment, neither of them moving. Mark looked almost like he was waiting for Jinyoung himself to move first before deciding what to say or do next, and something flickered in his expression when he realized that Jinyoung wasn’t pushing him off or doing anything more than staring at him. Moving with agonizing slowness, he slid the pad of his finger against Jinyoung’s bottom lip then withdrew it. Their eyes stayed trained on each other, still waiting for one or the other to stop altogether, but neither did. Mark’s eyes lowered. Jinyoung thought they were looking at the exact same place his fingers had just been touching. He wanted them to be. He was afraid that they were.

  
He could barely believe anything that was happening, but his body at least registered that there was no way of denying that the distance between Mark’s face and his had decreased. Instinctively, he started shutting his own eyes. He didn’t want to. He was half convinced that when he opened them again, Mark would have pulled away and started laughing at him. Maybe that would be better. Better to come to their senses now rather than after it happened. But fortunately or unfortunately―whatever it was―Mark’s hand had come back up his face, this time against his cheek. Warm skin caressed his, and after a sharp intake of breath, his lips were also being enveloped.

  
Jinyoung’s heart slammed. The contact was gentle; Mark seemed a bit uncertain of it himself, and wasn’t pushing it. At first it was a brief touch followed by a few seconds of absence. Jinyoung thought then that maybe he should open his eyes, but if he did, it would be like directly acknowledging the kiss had happened. It would exist solidly between them, and they’d have to talk about it and deal with all its horrible complications―the fact that Mark was only using him to exercise his feelings for Jaebum, the fact that Jinyoung’s feelings existed at all―without having much reason to do it again.

  
So instead, Jinyoung left his eyes shut and tilted his chin up, parting his lips just slightly. Mark’s hand on him tensed and tightened, and―blessedly―he took the invitation. This time, his kiss was more committed, and Jinyoung made his own efforts to return it. They moved together, Mark’s body pressing further down on him and their points of contact increasing. The tip of Mark’s tongue brushed against his lips, and Jinyoung could feel some sort of sound building in the base of his throat, but knew enough to force it back. The moment it became too serious, it would have to stop. Mark would realize who he was really with, and even if he didn’t right away, he’d probably resent himself for soiling the purity of his own feelings for Jaebum. And then resent Jinyoung for not being Jaebum, for not being the person he really wanted.

  
But that would happen anyways. They couldn’t stay like this forever, in their forced unawareness. They would have to stop for some reason or another―to breathe, for BamBam coming back, because it went too far and there was definitely one line at least they couldn’t cross. The inevitable end would come no matter what he did. What did it matter if it was sooner or later? Sure Mark was holding him gently now, sure it would be like nothing to stay locked in this dream right up until its shattering conclusion, but what was the point or meaning of any of it?

  
His throat was burning now, holding back more than just his initial excitement. It still felt good, but it hurt in equal measure; it was everything he wanted, but given in such a way that tortured him. Tears were pricking at the back of his closed lids, and his lips against Mark’s lips quivered. Maybe Mark felt it too, since he gently ran a thumb against Jinyoung’s cheek as if to tell him it was all right, but it wasn’t. It was something right happening all wrong.

  
He finally put a hand on Mark’s shoulder and pushed him off. His eyes opened to the tears that had collected there, and he averted them quickly, trying to hide them. Trying to hide himself from Mark. He didn’t want to see the end of the dream. He just wanted to escape.

  
“I can’t,” he whispered, sitting up. “I can’t do it like this, I’m sorry…” He stumbled to his feet and lunged for the door. He didn’t look back to see Mark’s reaction. He hoped it was shocked, thrown, struck immobile. He didn’t want to be followed. He didn’t want to talk.

  
Barely paying attention to his surroundings, he forced himself down the hallway and out of the dormitory. Maybe he could go to choir. It wasn’t over yet, and he wanted to bury himself into something that was familiar to him, something he loved that was uncomplicated and wouldn’t have changed on him. He’d have to make excuses to the professor for missing half the class, but that wasn’t particularly difficult. Or rather, there were harder things, things that didn’t bear thinking of anymore.

  
He was thinking of them, though. His body was still warm. His lips still throbbed from a phantom touch.

  
“Oi… wait… Choi Youngjae!”

  
He stopped at the sudden sound of Jaebum’s voice. He was on the top of the incline leading down to the choir hall, and at the bottom were both Jaebum and Youngjae, presumably skipping just as Mark had thought they would. Neither saw him, and though Youngjae was starting to head in his direction, Jaebum was holding him back. Jinyoung took a step back. If this was the fight in looked like, he’d have to intervene, but in case it wasn't actually necessary, he didn’t want to have to bring attention to himself when he had his own problems going through his mind.

  
“Let go,” Youngjae snapped.

  
“No. Not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

  
“I told you, nothing is wrong.”

  
“Bull. You haven’t talked to me in days, and you’ve been running away at the sight of me every time I’ve seen you. What the hell is it?”

  
“Nothing. I’m just grounded again. On complete house arrest. I shouldn’t even be out here right now.”

  
“Bull. . One, your parents would never put you on the kind of house arrest where you would only skip the classes you have together with me. Two, if they were worried about your grades again, they’d have called and asked me to help you. Three, I personally talked to the bio teacher about your last test, and you passed with flying colors. What is this about, really?”

  
“N-nothing.”

  
“Choi. Young. Jae.”

  
“Fine! I don’t want to deal with you right now. You helped me study and everything, and I’m very happy over that, but we don’t have to see each other all the time, right? You’re probably sick of me anyways, with how much I’ve been demanding your time recently. Go hang out with Jinyoung or Mark or something. I’m sure that would make Jinyoung happy. Leave me alone.”

  
“Why should we not hang out just because we’ve seen each other a lot? We see each other because we’re pals, aren’t we? That’s why I didn’t mind seeing so much of you to begin with.”

  
“Pals?" Youngjae's voice sounded uncharacteristically hysterical. "I’m not your pal, Im Jaebum.”

  
“What? Then what the hell are you?”

  
“You’re… for me, you’re…” Jinyoung heard a sharp, frustrated noise. “It doesn’t matter! Just forget it.”

  
“If you don’t want to be pal, fine. I guess that works better for me, anyways. I didn’t see you as a friend. Did you think I did everything I did for you because we were friends? Is there anyone else I would do so much for who I call my friend?”

  
They were both silent. “What are you saying?” Youngjae asked quietly.

  
“I was trying to get together with you, idiot! Do you think I make twenty page comprehensive study guides for my friends? Do you think I text my friends until four in the morning quizzing them in plant cells? DO I COMB MY HAIR FOR MY FRIENDS, CHOI YOUNGJAE? DO I LET MY MOM BUY ME TY DESIGNER CLOTHES TO LOOK GOOD FOR MY FRIENDS?”

  
Oh my god, Jinyoung thought, clapping his hand over his mouth.  Jaebum and Youngjae. Oh my god. This is why Jaebum has been freaking out over him so much. This is why Youngjae got so upset over finding out that I’d liked Jaebum. They like each other.

 

And then the thought hit him again.  

  
They like each other. The two of them have liked each other for all this time.  And Mark has no idea…

  
As soon as the thought crossed his mind, a hand was grabbing him from behind. “Jinyoung,” Mark’s voice hissed, and before he could say anything else, or worse, realize what was going on a few feet away from them, Jinyoung whirled around and clapped his hand over Mark’s eyes.

  
“Don’t look at them,” he said desperately, pushing them a few more steps back. Still, it was pretty easy to hear Youngjae shrieking, “Why didn’t you just tell me that, idiot?” followed by a strangled noise from Jaebum as Youngjae presumably threw himself at him. He could only hope that Mark didn't understand the context and wouldn't ask.

  
Mark pushed Jinyoung’s hand away from his eyes. “Jaebum and Youngjae, right?” he said heavily. “Don’t have to bother with that. I already know.”

  

“You… you  knew? For how long?”

  
“Come on.” He grabbed Jinyoung’s hand and pulled him away from the scene. “From the beginning. Jaebum told me he liked Youngjae even before you got around to confessing to him. Not that it wasn’t obvious before then. The reason he told us in the first place was because Jackson had threatened to out it to Youngjae if he didn’t admit it.”

  
“It was obvious?” Jinyoung echoed. How had he missed it, if it had gone on so long? Had he been so blinded by his own feelings for Jaebum that he’d deliberately ignored it? Now that he thought about it, Jaebum really wasn't the type to devote every single hour in his schedule to someone else, nor was Youngjae the kind of person who would get upset about Jinyoung liking Jaebum if he didn't have an interest in one of them himself.   “And wait… even knowing that, you were still interested in going after Jaebum until you found out I was involved?”

  
Mark shoved him down into a bench and shook his head. “No. You still haven’t figured that out? Did I not make it obvious earlier, or are you the most oblivious guy on the planet?” He sighed, finally looking genuinely pissed off at Jinyoung rather than just himself. “Okay. I am going to explain everything to you, and you are going to listen and not ask questions until I am done because you are going to jump to conclusions and make this more complicated than it needs to be.”

  
"Mark, I'm not trying to be difficult here."

  
"I know. I really know. I don't blame you, other than the oblivious part, because all of this was my fault. And for that reason, I don't want you to keep misunderstanding my intentions, okay? So would you please just listen?"

  
Jinyoung nodded. They'd both done enough to each other. It was time to hear the truth.

  
Mark swung his arms around a few times, then took another deep breath. “I’m going to say this, no matter how hard it is,” he coached himself again. “All right. So starting off with Jaebum telling us about liking Youngjae. Jackson was the first one to offer to help with… matchmaking… but that could only go wrong, so I decided it would be better for me to step up instead. It would be easy since we’d wound up as partners for the project and were spending more time together than before. In return, because he was close to someone I hadn’t been able to see for a while, Jaebum was supposed to help me with the person I was interested in myself. It seemed like it was going well for both of us. Jaebum had all those study dates lined up with Youngjae―which were supposed to be between me and Youngjae, mind you, I’m loads better at bio than Jaebum is―and Jaebum was going to let me in at the table in the cafeteria where he ate lunch with the person I liked. Brilliant. I thought I’d really hit it off with this person last year, and that, who knows, even it was a long shot, I may have a chance with them. But Jaebum had very kindly failed to tell me―leaving me to find out from that person himself accusing me of being in love with Jaebum―that he’d already been confessed to by the person he was going to help me get together with.”

  
Mark made a dirty expression. “Of course, it was problematic for Jaebum as well. He would never ask Youngjae out right after turning someone else down, even though the timing to clue Youngjae in couldn’t have been better with the time they were spending together. But it was worse for me. Far worse, since it was sprung on me without warning, and I had no idea what to do. So I thought, hey, rather than give up, I could use this to get closer to 'that person' by using his misunderstanding against him. If he didn’t want me to get anywhere near Jaebum, he may let me spend that time with him instead. And if I spent time with him, maybe, just maybe, he’d realize that I was the one who liked him, and that maybe he could find it in his heart to consider me instead of Jaebum. And I thought it was happening. That person seemed happy spending time with me. God knows I was only becoming more and more happy with him. I really thought it was going to be perfect. Me and him. Jaebum and Youngjae. But then Jackson pointed out to me that Youngjae and 'that person' were still as clueless as ever and Jaebum and I weren’t making as much progress as we thought. So he was going to throw that party and make that final push. Except it didn’t work. Youngjae thought Jaebum was growing annoyed with him, the person I wanted was still as in love with Jaebum as ever, and then Youngjae had to overhear me talking about it with him. I knew… I knew I couldn’t keep Youngjae and Jaebum from talking it out with each other, even if it hurt the person I loved… so… I thought I’d have to talk about my own feelings with him myself. But I did it pitifully and got ahead of myself, and… well, I’m sure I don’t have to say any more than that.”

  
Another deep breath. “Look. I get it. It has to be Jaebum for now, and you don’t have to change how you feel for me or for Youngjae or even for Jaebum. I won’t ever do anything like that again. OK? I knew it was wrong while I was doing it, but I can't even keep my head on straight around you, which seems to be what caused this whole thing in the first place. Just don’t… try not to hate me. I behaved like an idiot and put you through something stupid, but… I really do love you. I can’t take that back. I’m sorry.”

  
I really do love you. The words seemed to reveberate through him, striking him quicker and harder than anything else Mark had said previously. It wasn't Jaebum. It had never been Jaebum. For sixth months now, it had been him and him alone who Mark loved, and even though he'd treated that love thoughtlessly, thinking it hadn't even existed, Mark had stayed in love with him.  Jinyoung lept to his feet, his body shaking. “Mark Tuan. You can’t just say sorry and you’ll never do that again. That’s not what I want to hear.”

  
“What then? I made you cry. It was probably terrible for you, but if you hadn’t stopped me, I…”

  
“I cried because you’re 100% right about me, I was oblivious, I had no idea you weren’t in love with Jaebum while you were doing that to me. I said ‘I can’t do it like  this’. Meaning it was because I didn’t want you to be thinking of me as Jaebum while doing something like that.” He looked at Mark square in the eye. “Well, guess who else was oblivious? I stopped being in love with Jaebum thanks to the fact that all someone’s efforts had actually worked in stealing my heart, even before Jackson’s party. So, if 'that person' has any intention of accepting responsibility for that, he shouldn’t say things like he’s never going to kiss me again.” He planted both of his hands on Mark’s shoulders. “But if he isn’t planning on doing it, I’m going to have to do it for him.”

  
Mark’s face was a hilarious blend of shock and joy, but his smile won out in the end, taking over his face so much that it must have hurt him. “Y-you're completely serious right now? You're not just saying that... you really, really feel that way?"

  
"Why would I lie to you about this of all things?"

  
"I may have said that I thought I could change your affections, but I really never actually thought I would hear you say anything like this, Park Jinyoung.”

  
“Want to hear something more incredible?”

  
“…yeah?”

  
“I love you, Mark Tuan.”

  
Mark's smile only got bigger, which made Jinyoung smile in response. “Back at you.” Wrapping his arms around Jinyoung’s waist, he leaned in to kiss him, though it only lasted a moment. “Looks like I’m going to have to take back what I said about not kissing you.”

  
“And break our gentleman’s agreement, I hope?”

  
“Yeah, for some reason I’m not really feeling too gentlemanly anymore.” He pecked Jinyoung’s lips again. “So. Want to go out with me and stuff?”

  
“And stuff?”

  
“Yeah, like more of this kind of stuff.” Another peck. Thank god everyone is in class right now, does this guy even realize we’re outside, not like I care though.  “I mean, I feel like we just got done wasting a lot of time being idiots, so…?”

  
 “You’re on.”

  
“On a lot of things very soon, hopefully,” he murmured, and before Jinyoung had a chance to call him out, their lips were on each other again and he didn’t really mind that he had a reason to be quiet.

  
So much for being rivals, then.

  
So much for Mark Tuan being shy.

  
0

  
Jinyoung, I need to talk to you, Youngjae had texted him, probably after he’d finished making out with Jaebum when classes let out, because that was the only reason Jinyoung was even checking his phone to begin with, now that kissing Mark outside was no longer possible with all the people streaming through the campus.

  
“Oh, , Youngjae still thinks I’m in love with Jaebum, doesn’t he?” Jinyoung groaned. “Come on, Jaebum, just tell him that I said it was okay to date the person you really liked, already.”

  
“You already told Jaebum it was okay to date someone else? And he failed to tell this to me?” Mark looked livid. “D.E.A.D.”

  
“No, no, no, no killing each other. Look, let’s just get this cleared up with Jaebum and Youngjae so that we can all just move on happily. And Jackson. I’m sure he meant well with… whatever he was doing…” Jinyoung sent them all a group text and asked them to meet them at Yugyeom’s bistro. “Come on.”

  
“Aw, I wanted to go back to your room.”

  
“BamBam will be there by now.”

  
“I’d give him my ripboard.”

  
“You don’t even have it on you. Come on. Later.”

  
They made it to the bistro ahead of everyone and grabbed a booth. If Yugyeom was surprised to see them, especially acting normal with each other again―or at least a having just made out with each other kind of normal―he didn’t say anything.

  
Jackson showed up next. “You guys have better have just had a make up make out session if you’re daring to talk to me again,” he said, plopping down across from them. “Actually… yeah, you definitely look like that’s exactly what you did. Congrats.”

  
“Thanks for all the help,” Mark said drily.

  
“You  should  be thanking me AND buying me dinner for all I did for you, bro. You almost royally ed it up, and you’re lucky that he’s just as bad as you.”

  
“True.”

  
“Thanks, Jackson,” Jinyoung said, even though Jackson’s part of the plan, the party, had probably been the worst part of the whole adventure.

  
“What can I say, I’m a softie.”

  
Jaebum and Youngjae showed up next. In spite of Jaebum grinning like an idiot, Youngjae still looked upset. “Jinyoung,” he said, attempting to drop into a kow tow. “I’m so sorry. But I can’t let you have Jaebum.”

  
“Please don’t say that in front of the whole restaurant,” Jinyoung said, quickly hauling him up.

  
“The good news is I’m not going to let him have Jaebum either,” Mark said. “Consider Park Jinyoung a taken man.”

  
“Oh?” Jaebum said, grinning. “Finally!”

  
“Literally no thanks to you.”

  
“Ah… yeah… sorry.”

  
“What?” Youngjae said, looking back and forth between them. “You told me…”

  
“Seems like I was mistaken." Mark said. "We’re both happy to wish you and Jaebum well.”

  
“I’ll support you ONLY FROM THE GOODNESS OF MY HEART,” Jackson said. “I still think Jaebum’s lame.”

  
“YOU THREW A DEAD FROG AT US!” Jaebum yelled. Now everyone in the restaurant was staring. Yugyeom was shooting death glares at them and drawing a line across his neck.

  
“Does it matter anymore?” Jinyoung asked. “Things worked out. Why not leave it at that?”

  
“Easy for you to say to Forever Alone Jackson Wang who deserves love more than all four of you put together. Why don’t you guys set me up as ‘thank you’?”

  
“I’ll set you up with BamBam if you both agree to leave one of the rooms available for me and Jinyoung,” Mark offered.

  
“I’ll set you up with Yugyeom or Youngjae’s roommate for the same deal,” Jaebum butted in.

  
“You’d let you set them you up?” Youngjae asked in bewilderment. “Them?”

  
“Yeah… not happening,” Jackson said, snickering. “I just need to give it time, and everyone will come to me of their own free will.” He slid out of the booth. “As for you four… don’t do anything Jackson Wang wouldn’t do!”

  
“Is there anything that idiot wouldn’t do, though?” Jaebum asked once Jackson was out of earshot.

  
“You have no right to be calling anyone an idiot,” Mark said.

  
“Oh, is that the pot calling the kettle―”

  
“Guys, guys,” Jinyoung said quickly. “No one here are rivals anymore. Truce?”

  
The four looked at each other and smiled sheepishly. “Truce.”

 

 

 

 

A/N: Last up (in a few days) will be an epilogue. Thank you so much for reading thus far, and thank you SO much for your comments :D