2. WATCH OUT BELOW!

After their choral competition, Jinyoung had burned three copies of the audio of his and Jaebum's performance. One he always kept in his stereo and the second had a permanent place in his laptop ROM drive. The third dangled from the ceiling over his bed as a sun catcher. He left that copy unmarked so no one who visited his room would assume it was any particular CD instead of just a blank disc he’d repurposed as a decoration. Even Jaebum probably had no idea. He liked that it was his little secret, as corny as it was.
 
 

As he rested on the bed, Jinyoung pointed his toe up like a dancer and prodded the bottom of the disc. It spun around, scattering the early morning light around his room. With one turn, patches of light fell over BamBam’s eyes, and he muttered incoherently in his sleep. With another, the filtered sunlight danced across Jinyoung's side of the bedroom It looked warm, and because of where it came from, special. He smiled, closing his eyes contently. Today felt like it would be a good day.

 
After allowing himself a few more moments of partial-sleep, Jinyoung rolled over in bed and grabbed his cell phone to check his messages. Mark had sent him a stupid funny baby video for some reason in the middle of the night, and he had an instagram like from Jaebum. It felt like ages since he’d seen him. The last few days, it had only been Mark at the cafeteria, and Jaebum had been elsewhere—usually still in the bio lab with Youngjae, making a team effort to keep his friend’s grades from slipping. It had been awhile since Jinyoung had seen Youngjae himself, for that matter. The three of them were technically in choir together, but since they were in different groups working on different songs, their greetings during those times had been short and rushed compared to how they were usually.

 
Today seemed like as good of a day as any to see them again. He decided to get in touch with Youngjae over Jaebum, assuming that Jaebum may not have been 100% comfortable with them hanging out one-on-one yet.

 
Want to do something today?, he typed, adding a cutesy emoticon in case he was being rude by texting so early.

 
Youngjae was apparently awake already. I’m not allowed to leave my room until I do my homework and get it triple checked and certified as passable by an honor student or something :( I’m sorry

 
Is Jaebum with you?

 
He’s actually the closest thing I have to an honor student friend.

 
I'll pretend you're not completely forgetting about me here… Jinyoung paused. He doesn’t seem upset with me, does he?

 
No, why?

 
He sighed. Of course Jaebum wouldn’t want to bother Youngjae with that. Their friend circle was already awkward enough as it was… especially throwing Mark into the mix, which no one else but Jinyoung knew about, anyways.

 
No reason. Is Mark with you?, he asked.

 
Nope. He and Jaebum finished their project yesterday.

 
So Mark was the one out of all of them who was free. Jinyoung made a face, but still punched his number into the phone nonetheless. Mark answered on the second ring.

 
“Jinyoungie?”

 
“I hear you don’t have an excuse to hang out with Jaebum anymore. Tough luck.”

 
“Hey, he programmed his number into my speed dials, kid. And we’re still in bio together, even though the project’s over.”

 
“And I’m sure you’ll have lots of fun there… with Jackson.”

 
 Mark laughed. Jinyoung prodded his disc again with his foot, getting his fill of the morning’s sunshine. What a beautiful morning. He closed his eyes again, listening to the sound of warm laughter tickling his ears on the other line. Everything about it.

 
0

They met up in the parking lot an hour later to go out for coffee at the little bistro where Yugyeom bussed tables on the weekend and could potentially get them a discount if he was in the mood. As Mark approached him from the other side of the lot, Jinyoung called out to him jokingly, “Hey, give me one of those spin kicks you promised!” Mark grinned and ran forward quickly, and then with a movement Jinyoung couldn’t even catch,  he was sailing in the air , his leg pointed out. Jinyoung gaped. His request had just been a joke, and he’d thought Mark would actually need a second to prepare for it. He freaked out for a moment at the possibility of Mark wiping out on the hard black top, but he landed with a dancer’s elegance and even gave a smug little shrug when he did.

 
“Oh my god, you’re insane,” Jinyoung said, still pointing at him shock. “Who does that?”

 
“You told me to…”

 
“You’re even wearing your red shoes.”

 
Mark’s smile returned. “Yeah, well, we bought them together. Look good?”

 
“Honestly, doing something like that, you’d look cool even if you were doing it in Crocs.”

 
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

 
When he finally reached him, Jinyoung absently reached out to smooth down Mark’s ruffled hair. Mark looked at him in surprise, though he didn’t pull away from the touch like Jinyoung thought he might.

 
“Oh, wait. As a foreigner, you probably don’t like that kind of thing?” He drew his hand away. Although Mark had pretty much done the same thing at one time. Playing with his hair.

 
“No… I don’t mind it…” Mark smiled. “I mean, you did you see who I live with, right? A friendly bonding session usually involves me getting slammed on his lap and thrashed around for a few minutes.”

 
“I won’t do that!”

 
“You won’t?” Mark feigned disappointment. “You may have to watch out for me doing it to you, though.”

 
“Hey!”

 
The two of them laughed.

 
Yugyeom’s bistro wound up being on the empty side since it was early morning, and they grabbed a booth near the front where they could get a good view out of the window at the dog park across the street. Jinyoung couldn’t help but notice Mark’s eyes instantly light up as he watched the dogs bounding around together. He looked a little bit like a puppy himself, now that Jinyoung got a closer look at him. He was filled with a strange urge to give Mark a pinch on the cheeks.

 
Yugyeom toyed with them for a bit about their discount, but eventually returned to their table with pork sandwiches and two cups of coffee for them. “I didn’t even know you guys knew each other,” he said, lingering at their booth for a little bit. “Aren’t you both Jaebum’s friends?”

 
“I knew Jinyoung for way longer than Jaebum,” Mark protested.

 
“Oh. I thought you didn’t have any friends except Jackson until this year.”

 
“Gee, you’re so nice, Yugyeom,” Jinyoung said drily.

 
Yugyeom shrugged. “Mark was the famous lone wolf of our grade. I thought he actually hated everyone.”

 
Mark laughed. “Come on, me hate everyone but Jackson? Doesn’t that seem a bit off?”

 
“Yeah. It would normally be hate everyone especially Jackson.” Yugyeom glanced at Jinyoung. “Actually, you’re probably a really hard person to hate to begin with. You’re too nice to everyone.”

 
“Why are you saying that like it’s a bad thing?” Jinyoung asked sticking his tongue out.

 
“It is, though,” Mark said solemnly.

 
“How could being nice possibly be bad? Besides, you said just the other day that I was genuine.”

 
“You are, but you're genuine with everyone, aren't you? Indiscriminate kindness is the greatest unkindness there is. You wouldn’t understand unless you’re a victim.”

 
Jinyoung shrugged and took a sip of his coffee. He didn’t think he was indiscriminately kind at all. Especially not to Mark, a person who he half viewed as a pesky love rival, even though he’d come to terms with the fact they were friends.

 
Yugyeom wandered off to seat other customers, and Mark turned his attention back to the dog park. “I can’t believe I give off the impression of hating everyone,” he muttered. “Honestly, this is the happiest I’ve ever been.”

 
“Really?”

 
“Yeah. I was kind of like this back home, too, you know. I’ve never felt the need to talk all the time. Or maybe…”

 
“Yeah?”

 
“Maybe it’s a little terrifying to think that no one will care what you have to say. That’s not different from there to here. But here…” His lips turned up. “Having something that takes that fear away makes it worth it.”

 
“Something?”

 
“Or maybe someone?”

 
Jinyoung tried to smile, but it didn’t come to him. Mark was talking about Jaebum, probably, and that didn’t make him happy. He wondered if it was because Jaebum was supposed to be that person for him, and not someone else. He didn’t want someone this close to him to share that very personal feeling, to pull that much happiness from the exact same source. Or maybe it was because Mark didn’t hold Jaebum’s kindness against him, like he held Jinyoung’s. Jaebum’s kindness was special, a sign of importance. Jinyoung’s was only common and indiscriminate.

 
Jinyoung picked at his sandwich while Mark watched the dogs across the street. While they were idling, the door to the bistro opened, and a handful of the guys from Jinyoung’s dorm walked in. “Oi, Jinyoungie!” Jinyoung’s neighbors huddled up against their booth, chattering excitedly. “You were here, too? We’re going to the basketball court, if you want to come with?”

 
He shook his head. “Sorry. Other plans.” He glanced over at Mark, who was suddenly wearing one of his inscrutable poker faces and staring blankly down into his empty plate. Jinyoung blinked. He’d gotten used enough to Mark’s more forthcoming energy around him and Jaebum and Jackson that he’d forgotten that this was technically what Mark was normally like. 

 
“Oh, that’s okay, then. Can we join you?” Without waiting, two of the guys slipped into the booth next to Jinyoung, while one sat next to Mark. Mark exchanged an awkward nod with him and then went back to quietly staring out the window while the guys started going on about some sporting match they’d watched the night before.

 
Jinyoung wasn’t paying attention. He found himself unable to look away at Mark and the expression on his face. It was so strange. It wasn’t a sad look, or lonely, or even annoyed that their lunch had been interrupted. Mark simply looked like he’d been pulled out of the situation, and it didn’t have anything to do with him anymore. His mind was already in another place, probably across the street gallivanting with the dogs where he was more comfortable. He didn’t look unhappy in the slightest, but it still made Jinyoung somewhat sad. It wasn’t what was there, but what wasn’t—the smile that had been in his eyes all morning, the ease of his words, his engagement in the present. His feeling that there was someone there who wanted him to talk, who wanted him to actively be there.

 
Mark must have noticed Jinyoung staring at him, since he turned his head to meet his eyes. He looked almost surprised to see Jinyoung not paying any mind to his own friends, but his smile came back almost instantaneously. Jinyoung felt Mark’s sneakers brush against his, and then two fingers tapping against his knees. He poked back, and Mark snatched up his hand underneath the table. While the others continued chatting obliviously, he started drawing smiley faces on Jinyoung’s palm. It felt a little bit like he was reminding him that he wasn’t upset. Honestly, this is the happiest I’ve ever been.

 
Why did you say that while you were with me?, Jinyoung wondered, in spite of himself. Don’t you have the wrong person?

 
Do I want him to have the wrong person?

 
That made him start. Of course he did, in a way. He didn’t want Mark to like Jaebum, because he liked Jaebum himself and that was a pain for two friends to have in common. And because he didn’t want Mark to be closest to Jaebum, by default it would be more convenient for him if Mark felt like Jinyoung was the person he was closest to. Wasn’t that what he was doing? Mark had said himself that if he was busy spending his time with Jinyoung, that meant he wouldn’t be putting moves on Jaebum. Wasn’t that the desired result? Wasn’t it only natural to want Mark to be happiest with him so he wouldn’t get bored and start chasing after their mutual crush again?

 
He didn’t like that he was convincing himself of it, though. If it was something he needed to convince himself of, that meant there was something else buried in there he wasn’t so willing to admit.

 
“Jinyoung ah? Anyone home?” One of his friends started poking his cheek. “Why are you smiling off into space?”

 
“Eh? Uh…” He unwittingly met Mark’s eyes. Mark was looking back at him expectantly, a lopsided smile on his face. “The story you were just telling was fascinating.”

 
“I know, right? Who expected a come from behind victory?”

 
“Who indeed?” Mark scribbled ㅋㅋㅋ on his hands. Jinyoung kicked him under the table.

 
“Anyways, we’re going to head on to the court, now. If you change your mind, you know where to find us.”

 
“See you, Jinyoung. See you, Mark.”

 
Jinyoung felt a bit awkward with them gone. What had he and Mark even been doing? They were young adults, not two kids who should be snickering at childish subterfuge with each other.

 
“Want to head out?” he asked, dropping Mark’s hand beneath the table.

 
“Sure. We were pretty much done here, anyways.”

 
The two paid their bill, said their goodbyes to Yugyeom, and then headed back outside. It was still sunny out, but Jinyoung felt a little more uncertain with it than he had when he’d first stepped out that morning.

 
“So,” Mark said abruptly. “What do you think of Youngjae?”

 
“Youngjae?”

 
“Youngjae. I mean, I thought you two were friends, but I’ve never actually seen you together.”

 
“It’s kind of unusual,” Jinyoung admitted. “I usually spend all my time with him and Jaebum. I guess it’s because his grades started tanking…”

 
“Jaebum still sees him all the time.”

 
“They have classes together.”

 
“They hang outside of school.”

 
“Well, Jaebum helps him study, doesn’t he?”

 
“You’re not bad at science. You could help.” He lifted an eyebrow. “Anyways, I fail to see why me hanging out with Jaebum makes you pissy, but you don’t care about Youngjae.”

 
“One, you like Jaebum. Two, he’s been friends with Jaebum as long as I have, so it’s not like he’s some interloper.”

 
“Oooh, I’m an interloper!” Mark laughed. “How did you guys become friends with him?”

 
“He’s in choir with us, too. I don’t know, Jaebum was the one who started talking to him. I kind of became friends with him by association.”

 
“Hmmm.”

 
“Wait, you’re not jealous of him for spending so much time with Jaebum, are you?”

 
“What if I am?” Mark wiggled his eyebrows. “Or maybe you are?”

 
“You’re the one I need to watch out for!”

 
Mark burst out laughing. “So is this a reconnaissance mission? Keeping your friends close, but your enemies closer?”

 
“You’re not my enemy,” Jinyoung muttered.

 
“Good. Good of you to think so.” He fell silent for a moment. “I think it works out better this way.”

 
“What does? What way?”

 
Mark lifted his eyes to the sky, shielding them against the sun. “Everything. This.”

 
0

 
Jaebum started to emerge a little more after that, but in return, Mark stopped showing up in the cafeteria altogether. Jinyoung had been surprised; he’d thought Mark would jump at the chance for more time together with Jaebum, but according to Jaebum and Youngjae, something was apparently going on with Jackson that he needed Mark's help with, so they probably wouldn't be seeing as much of him until that got sorted out.

 
Rather than having alone time with Jaebum himself, Jinyoung was almost kind of relieved when Youngjae rejoined them at lunch, having passed his bio project and bumped up his grade enough to pacify his parents. He was under no illusions that Jaebum had magically fallen in love with him over the last week, especially since they’d been apart for the majority of it, and it was reassuring to have Youngjae around to dissolve that tension.

 
“You and Mark have started hanging out a lot,” Jaebum commented brightly. For some reason, he looked a lot more put together than he normally did; he was wearing all brand new clothes, and it even seemed like he'd put some sort of styling gel in his hair to make himself look more groomed. He looked great, but Jinyoung was a little bit confused by it— who on Earth, if anyone, was he trying to impress here?

 
“Jealous?” Jinyoung asked. Even though he knew Mark had a thing for Jaebum, he’d never really noticed if Jaebum felt the same or not. Mark had been nice enough to keep his distance to prevent him from figuring that tidbit out.

 
“Eh? Uh…” Jaebum looked confused. Jinyoung realized in hindsight that Jaebum probably thought he was asking if he felt jealous over Mark getting to spend time with him, as a way of fishing around his feelings again. He flushed a deep red while Youngjae looked back and forth between them in confusion.

 
“I was just joking,” he said quickly. “Yeah, Mark’s a lot of fun.”

 
“I think it’s great that you guys are getting along. I always worry that Mark is lonely because of how quiet he gets, but you always seem to cheer him up.”

 
Jinyoung smiled in spite of himself. If someone else had noticed, that meant it wasn’t just him that felt that way. He liked being considered important to someone, a reason for their happiness. That the person was Mark, someone who didn't attach himself to other people easily, only made the feeling more satisfying.

 
A few days later, he wound up missing lunch altogether after being held back to finish up a math examination. He’d wanted to rush through it since Mark had texted him to say he’d finally be able to make it today, but he hadn't prepared for the test as much as he should have and got stuck on what should have been easy equations.  He was about forty minutes late by time he actually finished, but since it was Friday, there was a good chance that everyone was still hanging around and he could still catch them.

 
When he walked into the cafeteria, he immediately saw Jaebum and Mark alone at their cafeteria table and went to join up with them. As he got closer, he noticed their position and stopped in his tracks. The two of them were sitting closely to one another, their bodies leaned towards each other and their heads practically touching. Jaebum had a very serious expression on his face and was grasping Mark's hands on his lap, their fingers tightly interlocked together. The two were murmuring to each other, keeping their conversation private between the two of them, and to Jinyoung's amazement, he thought he could see something like tears clouding Mark's eyes as he spoke. Oh my god, did something happen to him? He was just about to get closer and ask for himself when Jaebum reached up to Mark's cheek. Little by little, Mark's anxious expression started to melt into something tender and sweet— something borderline devoted— and his eyes remained fixed on Jaebum, not noticing Jinyoung at all. It looked intimate. It felt like he was watching something he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t tear his eyes away, just like any other situation where you were looking at exactly what you didn’t want to be seeing but were still pulled in by the sheer horror of it.

 
It felt like he was being punched in the gut. He’d known this had been a possibility ever since he’d first seen Mark and Jaebum together, but that didn’t make it any easier to confront. Mark’s crush was requited after all. Jinyoung could see the delight of that fact clear as day in his expression. It was so strong it was almost blinding, so painful he felt it physically in his chest. And it wasn’t the rub of Mark and Jaebum being together, like he thought it would be. It was that Mark was being made this happy even in his sadness, the happiest he’d ever been, and Jinyoung didn’t have anything to do with it after all.

 
And realizing that was another punch in the gut. He didn’t care that Jaebum was seeing someone else. The only thing he cared about was that it was Mark.

 
He didn’t know when it had happened. It was probably gradual, built up over all the time they had been spending together recently. A part of him had already been piecing it together but hadn’t wanted to admit it. Of course he hadn’t. Everything had started over the crush on Jaebum, it wasn’t like he’d had much of a chance to begin with. Maybe he could have changed Mark’s heart like Mark had changed his if he’d had the time, but it was too late for that now. Mark had gotten what he wanted, and Jinyoung had realized what he wanted too late.

 
He his heel before he could see anything more, before they could see him. His head was spinning. He had no idea where to go. BamBam would be back in their room, but Jinyoung didn’t want another ‘now you know where you stand’ lecture. Youngjae was probably around somewhere, but he didn’t think he could talk to him about it; Youngjae was too close to Jaebum and Mark, and Jinyoung didn’t want to put him the middle of anything. In truth, he just wanted to keep everything buried inside of him. He didn’t want to think about it or speak about it or see it unfolding in front of his eyes all over again. Mark’s smile had been so beautiful. Why did that hurt so much? If he were as good of a person as he thought he was, couldn’t he find it inside him to be grateful that someone he cared about was capable of making someone he loved happy?

 
He ended up in the restroom for lack of any better ideas of where to go. He blankly read the stall graffiti—Park Minjae is a ty bastard, Big Bang Daebak!, call this numbur 4 a gud tim—but it didn’t distract him or make him feel any better. He’d felt bad when Jaebum had turned him down, but this was even worse. Jaebum had always kind of been a long shot he’d only convinced himself could happen because it annoyed him to believe otherwise, but somehow he’d managed to convince himself—idiotically, bone headedly—that there had been something special to the way Mark looked at him. That Mark, who was never indiscriminately kind to anyone, genuinely saw him as special.

 
Stupid, stupid mistake. He’d known who Mark had really liked all along, and had still made himself believe otherwise. This was his fault, and not Mark’s. He had no one to blame but himself.

 
The bathroom wasn’t helping, so he dragged himself to his dorm room. BamBam had scribbled on his whiteboard that he was out with Yugyeom, and Jinyoung was grateful to him, even though he had no idea he was even doing him a kindness. He slipped into bed, pulling the covers over his head and burying himself in darkness.

 
What do I do now?

 
He’d be a jerk not to give his blessing to his two friends. No way of getting around that.  But… He bolted upright again. Wait. Mark and Jaebum were both nice guys, especially when it came to him. There was no way Jaebum would date someone right away after rejecting Jinyoung, out of consideration for his feelings. And Mark. Mark had specifically said he would enter into a gentlemen’s agreement with Jinyoung. Even if Jaebum liked him back, he wouldn’t just break that pact out of nowhere.

 
It was horrible. Even more horrible since he was friends with both of them. But he was still in the position of being able to stall Jaebum and Mark’s relationship if he wanted. Even if he didn’t take any direct action himself, they’d stay away from each other for the time being out of respect for their friendship alone.

 
Of course, that didn’t change the fact that they liked each other, and Mark wasn’t interested in him. But. He leapt to his feet and started pacing. It would give him the chance to calm down about the idea and maybe get used to it a little more. He could use that time to determine how sincere they both were and make his peace with it.

 
That’s right. I just need a little more time. I was able to survive things when I was rejected by Jaebum. Maybe I can do this with Mark, too. Maybe. I just need to give myself the chance to figure it out.

0

 
Mark texted him about missing lunch, and Jinyoung wrote back telling the partial truth about going over time with his test. When Mark offered to come over to the dorm and keep him company, Jinyoung quickly said he wanted to spend the evening napping since he was feeling under the weather. It was hard to tell if Mark was disappointed or not via text message, but he at least wished Jinyoung sweet dreams and better health.

 
First thing the next morning, Jinyoung dropped by Jaebum’s dorm. A very sleepy Yugyeom answered the door and directed him to the common room where Jaebum was apparently doing vocal exercises so as not to bother him. Jinyoung took the back hallway and found him doing just that, jumping around the room while aiming for the high notes in the scale he was practicing. Jinyoung watched him, half in amusement, half in appreciation. Whatever else, his voice would always be something he loved. But that still didn’t change the fact that Jaebum looked completely ridiculous bounding around the room in this bathrobe, belting at the top of his lungs.

 
Jinyoung applauded him dutifully when he’d finished. Jaebum whirled around. “! If you come in, say something!”

 
“Would you have even been able to hear me?”

 
Jaebum made a face. “I’m going to charge you for all that, by the way.”

 
“Fair enough. I was thoroughly entertained.”

 
They both dropped down into the couch. After his initial shock, Jaebum was bringing his guarded expression back. He was probably worried that this would be Jinyoung’s Confession Part II. Had things gone differently, it may very well have been.

 
“Hey…” Jinyoung started. “Do you mind talking a little?”

 
“No. I’m actually a bit surprised we haven’t before this.”

 
“You weren’t avoiding me?”

 
“Not intentionally.” He smiled feebly. “Hey, I was the one who said I wanted to stay friends, right?”

 
“That never works in practice.”

 
“Maybe not for other people. But I’d really try to make that work for us. You’re my best friend.” He winced. “Which I’m sure you really don’t want to hear right now.”

 
“It’s fine. Really.”

 
“It is?”

 
“What, would it hurt your pride if I got over you too quickly?” He patted Jaebum on the shoulder. “Honestly, I knew this whole time that it wouldn't be happening, I think. You just did me a favor by waking me up to that fact. Really.”

 
“Huh.” Jaebum’s lip jutted out. “I still feel like a jerk, even when you put it like that.”

 
“You’ll live.” He paused. “I know… I know you have someone you like, anyways.”

 
Jaebum turned red. “Ehhh? Can we not talk about this out loud? It’s awkward as well as embarrassing. In fact, you should just forget about it. I don’t think it’s going anywhere.”

 
Jinyoung blinked. That was definitely not the impression he’d gotten yesterday. “Really?”

 
“Yeah. They’re not getting the hints at all, so I’m thinking it’s no good.”

 
“Do you think you’re being too subtle?” Seriosuly, if Mark didn’t get that cheek , he’s an idiot.

 
“I don’t think so. I mean, I don’t really know. I’m not good at these kinds of things.” He bit his lips. “Look, are you sure you even want to be talking about it? I wasn’t going to even pursue it until I was sure you’d be okay.”

 
Jinyoung opened his mouth and then shut it again. Before he could even think of what to say, Jaebum was talking again. “Anyways, I’m not sure I’m going to press my case anymore. I don’t know. I think I need to clear my head a little.”

 
Jinyoung hated himself for perking up a little at these words. It doesn’t change the fact they’re in love with each other, he reminded himself. If he wanted to be a true friend, he’d just come out and tell Jaebum that Mark liked him and put him out of his misery.

 
“I’m sure you have more productive things to worry about,” Jaebum said. “I heard you had a rough math exam yesterday.”

 
“I might be the next one enlisting your studying help.”

 
“I’ll pay you not to. I said I needed to clear my head, not cloud it up all over again.” He rolled his eyes. “Speaking of which, since you missed lunch yesterday, you haven’t seen Mark or Jackson in awhile, huh?”

 
“Not really.”

 
“You shoud check in on them. Jackson’s crisis wound up having to do with his student visa. There was a paperwork snafu, and he almost wound up being sent back to Hong Kong. It got fixed, but they were both pretty upset about it. I’m sure they could use a little cheering up and wouldn’t mind seeing you.”

 
Jinyoung’s eyes widened. He knew how much Jackson meant to Mark, as much as they fussed at each other. If Mark had thought for even a second that Jackson would be leaving him alone, he’d most likely been crushed. In fact, that's probably why he'd looked like he was going to cry before being comforted by Jaebum the other day. He’d been going through all that, and Jinyoung hadn’t even been there for him. Truth be told, he’d gone out of his way to avoid Mark after what had happened yesterday. Some would-be lover he was.

 
He got to his feet. “I’m going to do that right now.”

 
“Oh? Send my regards, then.”

 
But Jaebum had already had the chance to prove his regard for Mark for being there for him sooner, by being the one to make him smile when he needed it. Jinyoung at least wanted to attempt to show his feelings weren’t so weak, even if it was too little too late.

 
0

 
Jackson wasn’t there when Jinyoung arrived, but Mark looked happy enough to see him. “Feeling better?” he asked, placing a hand on his forehead.

 
“Forget about me. How are you? How is Jackson?”

 
Mark grimaced. “Well, we’re both pretty pissed at bureaucracy right now, but we’re fine. His paperwork is cleared, and he can stay in Korea without further issue. If it hadn’t gone that way, I may have actually had to research law or something.”

 
“Well, good thing it didn’t come to that, then.” He ruffled Mark’s hair. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to stand that happening to him.”

 
“Yeah, well. He grew on me a little bit. Like fungus.” He smiled. “Well, crisis averted. Or so I would say, but now that Jackson has cheered up, he’s lording the fact that I was upset over me. Like ‘MARK, don’t you want to do my laundry? I mean, c’mon, just think how much you’d miss me and my laundry if I’d been deported.’”

 
Jinyoung laughed. “That sounds like him.”

 
“His dependability is one of his charms, I guess. But seriously, this whole thing was such a headache. It felt like I didn’t see you for ages.”

 
He couldn’t stop himself from smiling. Mark missed him. Sure, it was normal for friends to miss each other, but it wasn’t a guy thing to get sappy over it. That had to count for something.

 
“Yeah, I know.” He took a deep breath. “Is there anything I can do for you, Mark? I know you must have been distracted and stuff… and even more upset than you’re letting on. So if there’s anything I can do… anything at all.”

 
Mark lifted an eyebrow. “Really? Then get on the bed.”

 
Jinyoung’s face flushed. “Eh?”

 
Mark froze, then also turned red. “Uh, it’s not like the next command is ‘take off your clothes’. I promise.”

 
“O-ok…” Jinyoung sat down on Mark’s bed.

 
“Turn so your back is facing me.”

 
Jinyoung obeyed.

 
Mark wrapped his arms around Jinyoung’s waist and rested his cheek against Jinyoung’s back. Jinyoung stiffened in surprise, but realized Mark was probably doing this for comfort, and it wouldn’t help him in the slightest if Jinyoung took this as a chance to freak out over physical contact. He relaxed his muscles little by little and allowed Mark to fully lean into him.

 
“I used to have a teddy bear I did this with when I was little,” he said softly. His breath tickled against Jinyoung's back, “It’s a bit of a shame when you grow up and they tell you not to do these things anymore.”

 
“It’s fine,” Jinyoung whispered. “I don’t mind.”

 
“Good. I think it’s okay to be like a child sometimes, if it heals you.”

 
“And this does?”

 
He could hear the smile in Mark's voice. “Yeah.”

 
Jinyoung closed his eyes. Even if he was doing this for Mark’s sake, he wasn’t sure it was right. He was supposed to be resigning himself to Mark and Jaebum loving each other and bringing himself to the point where he could tell them it was okay to be together, but that was never going to happen if things continued to be like this. Rather than wanting to step down, he was only falling more in love, wanting to attach tighter and not let go. Why was he doing this to himself? He couldn’t in good conscience push Mark away, but he didn’t know how he could let himself just sit there so stilly, half afraid to move in case a single part of the moment dispelled.

 
But he couldn’t deny himself. He stayed exactly where he was, eyes closed and heart pounding, being Mark’s healing even if that was all he could be.