When I was younger, I was the type that had crushes on a variety of people. My hopeless romantic heart wouldn't slow down and I found myself easily confessing to my crushes. This was like elementary and middle school. I didn't particular fall in love with someone until my freshmen year of high school. It was love at first sight on my end. I thought this person had the most perfect smile. I saw them while I was switching between classes, they were going up the stairs and I saw their smile. I was honestly fell in love with the smile and their open kindness towards me. I was new to the state and school so I didn't have anyone. That person happened to be in my study hall and they ended up talking to me and showing me around the school. I honestly thought this person was going to be my high school sweetheart, that we would have a huge future together. 

Although I was in love with them, I still had heavy depression. I had thought about taking my own life before homecoming but I decided to give homecoming a try and ask them out. I think there were a lot of signs, but I chose to ignore them. I asked them to be my date at the dance and I stayed kinda glued to them, hand in hand. Everyone was rooting for us and were surprised. I was so blinded by that I didn't realize how he kept leaving to help their friend. Anyway from there I felt I was on the moon and like this person was the one. We spoke on the phone the next morning and thats when they confessed their preferred to just be friends and that it was a bit too soon. I felt sad but held on hope. We texted and talked a lot on the phone, when they weren't busy. 

This is honestly a topic that I find hard to think about. It's been like almost 7 years since this person but all I can say is that it ended badly. There's so many regrets I have when I think about how this person and I ended. I had a horrible cycle of dreaming about them recently almost every night. I thought about reaching out but I changed my mind. I didn't want to bother them since they clearly moved on in life. I have moved on but it still doesn't mean thinking about it doesn't hurt. It hurt quite a bit. I just wish things could have been different but oh well.

As for my first kiss... It wasn't anything special or cool. I honestly don't like kissing. I think its a bit weird and a little gross. I honestly prefer to not kiss but I don't have a long track record for dating. The kisses came from shameful Tinder hook-ups that had no meaning. The only person I truly liked kissing was my ex-partner from the beginning of 2020. But even then I was never fully comfortable with it, I just did it to make us closer. ANyway, yeah.. Thats my first kiss and love story. I apologize for being so vague today. I didn't expect this topic to hurt and force me to shut down. Oh well. 

Day 10 of 30 down! 20 more days to go haha. I am excited for tomorrow's, I don't have an IPOD but I can put Spotify on shuffle lol