I’m sitting on my bed, wondering what had I done wrong?

Why do people hate me?

I love them but why do they hate me?

Is it because of the way I talk?

I admit that I often hurt people with my words.

I am bad.

I am a mess.

I am wrecked.

Some people tell me that I haven’t done anything wrong.

That I am right, I am okay.

But they don’t

They say I am wrong.

Wrong

Wrong

Wrong

Wrong

Wrong

Wrong

God, are you there?

This is me

Your sinful girl.

I am sinful

I do many sins, I do many mistakes

I am sorry.

Please don’t hate me.

I love you.

Can you embrace me?

It’s a foolish question but I do mean it.

I love you, God.

Sometimes I think

Maybe dying is a better option

Because I don’t belong here.

I want to see God

Though I’m not confident that I’ll go to heaven

But God loves His people

And surely He loves me better than them.

Suicide is a sin.

I won’t do it because it’s a sin

But I can’t stay like this too.

What should I do?

My birthday is coming.

It’s on June.

I love June.

It’s hot, the weather is hot.

I love my birthday..

Because they will love me for once

Though they had forgot it last year.

I am okay.

I will always be okay though.

It’s okay.

I am okay.

I’m sitting on my bed.

Talking to myself

Somehow I find it very comforting.

I love the way I sound when I’m talking in English

I feel cool.

People wonder why I talk to myself.

It’s because nobody wants to hear me.

They don’t want to hear me.

When I open my mouth, they hate me.

I wonder what have I done wrong?

I even don’t say hurtful thing.

I just say ‘what a good morning’.

‘I am hungry’

‘my head hurts’

‘my stomach hurts’

‘my back hurts’

they say I’m complaining too much

but it does hurts

so my heart.

Please forgive my bad grammar.

I write this because I want to talk

But talking to myself in this quite room feels so wrong

Am I sick?

My back hurts but I won’t tell them anymore

Because they hate when I say it

Because they don’t care

So I’ll keep it to myself.

That my back is hurt.

The pain never leave though. Never.

I’m keeping it to myself.

My bestfriend is my pillow.

Because it always stays beside me

And hears me when I talk.

I love my pillow.

This is stupid, forgive me

But I need to do it

Or I’ll be crazy

I don’t wanna be crazy

People hate crazy people.

They hate themselves.

Because we are crazy.

I don’t even know what I am talking about.

Maybe because I’m crazy.

Haha

It’s fun.

My tears has stopped

I don’t feel better.

But I’m okay, don’t worry.

So long, goodnight.

I’m gonna sleep.

I’m sleepy.

My head hurts.

Bye

I’m sleepy.

My heart hurts.

I’m okay.

 So long,

Goodnight.