So yeah, I've been moving on, trudging along with real life work and stuff. It's been pretty successful so far. In fact, I started this month with a surprise. The management gave me a five-step promotion (which means more money with bigger salary and perks for me, yay!). It's the highest one they gave so far, they said, since they thought I was doing so well at work.

Of course, career wise, everything seems to be looking up, with a lot of things going my way as far as big projects and daily tasks are concerned.

But I didn't end up celebrating. At least not in the way I hope I can celebrate. Sure, a few drinks, some better chow, some horsing around with friends and coworkers, but at the end of it all, we still went on with our relatively independent lives.

I don't know if I'm just being a party pooper and all that, but after that celebration, I felt depressed.

Because I've been doing all of this on my own. No one cheering me on, no one asking me how my day went, no one to say hi, good morning, good evening, good night to.

I always end my day coming home to a lonely apartment.

I don't know if these are real symptoms of depression, but it's been that way for a while now. I act all cheerful and energetic outside, but when I come home, it just feels so empty and lonely and heavy. Like literally I feel this big hole in my chest.

I don't know.

I know I need to let it out, lest it consumes me, so forgive me if I sound so down and out, so negative about it. I'm afraid of letting this negative thing consume me if I don't say it out loud.

My real life is seeing a lot of ups lately, not that I'm complaining, but I still feel that it's lacking, that the empty feeling is still outweighing all the good stuff I've experiencing. I know I should be thankful and all, and I am.

I don't know.

I just don't know.