It must be riduculous to ask for these kinds of advice online. But I'm doing it anyway.

So I have this best friend whom I've know for about 6 years now (Let's call him Caleb). I can't tell if I like him or not. I don't want to be persuaded by others' opinions especially my parents that we should go out.

We became friends through my other best friend...and his brother bullied me so I beat his brother on the bus. Mind you, his little brother was incredibly big and was in the same as me. Caleb was a grade higher. After that he feels the need to protect me all the time. We would always hang after that. It was weird but I never knew how much time we would spend together. We would go trick or treating (until we were 16) Then when I was in the last year of middle school, he started high school and we lost touch for a while. I didn't know which school he went to but it was not in our district. I felt like I couldn't connect much with the people in my town so I decided to apply to another high school rather than the public one nearby. I got accepted to the one I wanted and left. 

Freshman year came, I went to my bus stop and turns out that Caleb and his brother was in the same school I was in. I have to admit it was nervous since it was the first day of school where I don't know anyone but I didn't mind. I saw it as the opportunity to become a new person that I wanted to be and he told me he would help. I was so weird because five filipinos came up to me speaking their language. I was so confused but Caleb was behind me telling them that I was Thai. I didn;t know he was that tall. I barely reached his shoulders.

We did clubs together. Those club would end late so we had to take the public bus or train to get home since we live 3-4 towns away. He would wait if he ended early and I did the same. I would ask for a piggy back ride like its nothing.

Then the spring came and I wanted to do a sport so I chose tennis. Even though, Caleb had played tennis many years and was in the school team previous year, he decided not to do it that year. Anyway, I met this guys who was one of the filipinos that greeted me and we became close through tennis. I told Caleb that he likes me but he was super protective. He told me that he's not sure about the guy. I went out with him anyway. So I don't really see Caleb after that like when our friends ask him to play tennis he didn't come.

Then we hung out again. I broke up with the guy because I wasn't interested anymore. We didn't have much to talk about. There goes my first relationship. I had a lot of after school activities to keep me busy because that guy was not the only one who shed tears when we broke up. I still made time to hang out with Caleb. Then he told me that he was going to move to another state. I was so devasted. I decided that we were going to hang out on our last day together. We watched the Book Thief. I remember seeing him cry that was the cutest and funniest thing ever. I gave him his present and he laughed because it was chopsticks (the thing he never knew how to use haha). My life was sort of normal when he left.

He would come back in town for break. I would always give him a bear hud and sniff him since he had that distinct scent I like. I'm allergic to axe or those strong cologne or perfume. But his was a good scent and the perfect amount. We would catch up and he would tell me multiples way that I am insane like almost getting run over by a truck. Whoops. Then he left and come back occationally.

This past week he came back and I told him things that happened. I told him that I confessed to this guy who is ranked first in the class and I'm second. I told him and my friend that I got rejected and that I was trying to forget about it by doing work in the library with my other friend. Suddenly, tears rolled down when I was there and ran to the bathroom and sob. When he heard that he clenched his fist and said that he was going to beat the kid. I smirked and said that he wasn't actually going to do it. My friend who was eating her ice cream looked up and said, "I think he's serious." I told him no. It was shocking coming from him becasue he is a peaceful and collected boy.

My parents said I act different when I'm with him. Instead of being my quiet self and just observe, I run on like a blabber mouth smiling and naggin at the same time. He is the only boy my mom trust me to be with.

Anyway, I'm just confused about my feelings that's all. THIS IS SO CONFUSING!! I want to avoid it but man so hard... I like to do things and get it over with. Thanks for hearing me nag. Haha.