Sometimes I think about if people outside my family will miss me if I suddenly die. This is one of those times.

I'm sure you won't. No, you won't.

And it becuase you matter to me a lot. You are my first choice, even if I'm obviously not yours. I'm sure that I'm not even in that list.

I don't know if I can keep on loving you without you noticing me as who I am. I'm tired. I wanna quit. But I'm stupid enough to still go on. And still in the end, I'd be willing to die for you.

It hurts. It hurts so much that I can't even. But I'm still stupid enough to keep on loving you, knowing that even if I'd die for you, you won't even know my face or my name.

No matter how much I even offer to shoulder all the hurt, to do my best to shield you from all the hurt, you won't even know who that was who loved you so much that he's willing to die for you.

No matter how much I reach out to you, you won't even notice. You won't even look my way. I don't exist in your world, even if you're in the center of mine.

It hurts. It hurts so much that I can't even. But I'm still stupid enough to keep on loving you.

...

...

...

I love you.