I don't know how to introduce myself; it is a major struggle. My thoughts are all jumbled into a huge, messy pile, that even I cannot climb out of. However, I promise they are useful thoughts that have meaning to them. Except, you have to untangle the disorganized chords first, in order to receive the interpretation.  So basically, you might want to clear your minds before you read what I write or hear what I have to say, or else your brain would become very much puzzled. 

My writing is crap, and yet it is somewhat understandable. Hopefully some can overlook my terrible grammar and sentence structure, and figure out my emotions, as well as appreciating the hard work I put into the texts I compose.  You might not like me, and that's okay, but do not expect me to fancy you back. 

Here's a question for you. What are words? Why are we forming these words into an elaborate sentence, that uses the creative side of our brain to form ideas and thoughts that we have lingering in our minds? The many unanswered questions stay unanswered, however, one could have their own hypothesis. Here's my answer: simply because we want to. We want to read texts that describes our feelings, to know that we are not alone and that many could actually understand us. We want to read about a whole new fantasy world to escape from the boringness of the events that occur in real life. The adventures and thrill the main characters go through, we imagine them happening to us. With books and words, you could travel into another world.

Authors- why do you write stories? Possibly because it is your own way of entertainment, a way to express your desires, and explain what is going on around you. I myself, am still an amateur writer, with a horrid sense of linking ideas to one another - a flaw that needs to be worked on. Nevertheless, I have some sort of passion for writing, and a fascination for other people's works of art. I like a main character because I could a) relate to him/her, b) aspire to be that person, or c) am jealous to a degree. 

I hate myself sometimes. I could be an annoying depressed little , who would not want to speak to anyone for days. I have low self-esteem, which is why I started writing in the first place, to make myself feel a bit better. Now I'm going to credit mistressdean for this not exact quote, that inspired me quite a bit. She stated, "If you could love a main character in a story that represents yourself, why can't you love yourself?" In my opinion, it is because we are our own biggest critics. Because we are taught to hate ourselves starting from when were young. My parents would always have family gatherings, in which all of my 400 (an exageration) family members come over to our house to basically brag about what their child has accomplished, and to criticize the other children while doing so.  Of course being the youngest of my generation at the time, I was scruntinized the most. Multiple people pointed out my flaws (as if I did not already know of them) and continuously told me who they wanted me to be. They wanted me to be catergorized as something. "Oh your child is very smart! She must become a doctor, lawyer, blah blah." Adults break their child in one form or another, even if they do not mean to do so. Even at school, a student is catergorized as a "good" or "bad" student because of his/her grades, which is quite unfair. Knowledge should not be tested on how well you can memorize facts. Throughout my school years, I had only one English teacher whom I respected and taught me many things. She understood that every writer was unique, and had different writing styles, and did not dictate a student by a simple letter on their report card.  She encouraged me to write down my thoughts, even if they were silly. And that is where my discovery of asianfanfics all started. 

At first on this site, I started out writing and reading cheesy, fluffy fanfiction about EXO and an original character, in which all twelve boys fall in love with one girl. The main character's personality was often described in the description box- either cold-hearted, strong, or submissive and well-liked by everyone. The boys would have their stereotypical personalities, Chanyeol being a happy virus, Kai as a y and hot playboy, or Sehun as a reject who is eventually saved by the happy-go-lucky OC. Happy endings were a must and my eyes never even flickered at an angst fic. I was okay with that, not having the element of surprise, knowing exactly where the plot would go.

I realized this was all part of me. My personality. I was never the type to step out of my comfort zone, and I hated not knowing anything that would occur beforehand. I disliked that. So, I opted for a shift in my perspective. It was difficult to step out of my "box", but with enough motivation, I eventually did. I took more risks in reading different genres:  horror, angst, comedy, romance, slice-of-life, coming of age- everything, even if I did shed a tear here or there, (*cough*Anterrograde Tomorrow *cough*, it was my first angst fic). As I matured throughout the years, my writing style became more sensible and realistic. My attention also altered to more realistic reads, instead of fantasy ones (although I do enjoy a good vampire fic with my biases*INNER FANGIRL*).

Just to note that I may be quiet on here and in real life, but that does not mean I tolerate any bull (it's the silent ones that are the most deadly ^.^). I don't have much of a hot-headed temper, and I only comment on stories that I truly enjoy. In addition, sugar-coating my words is not my thing; you ask me a question- I answer it. I curse, and I don't consider that as a bad thing. 

I write  as a coping method to help me get through my life, not for anyone else. 

Here are some quotes that I enjoy and could relate to: