I think I'm having a big-time relapse all of a sudden.

Whenever I see SNSD, my heart hurts, recalling how devastated I am with all the issues that rocked them. And on a selfish level, my heart hurts whenever I see Tiffany. I've said time and time again that I ultimately fell in love with Hwang Miyoung, and now, after so many months, I still find myself hurting whenever I see her, whenever I watch her.

So much so now that I wish I was Lee Ji Chan, and that I could live the fanfic that I'm writing, and that I could just be there physically for the girls, and that I could be like Ji Chan, who is blessed enough to earn Tiffany's love.

I'm silly.

I'm selfish.

I might be a masochist right now.

No matter what and how you look at it, all of a sudden, I am experiencing a great pain in my heart right now. It's silly because it's not because of the fact that my latest relationship with someone didn't work out. It's not that at all. It's more about seeing SNSD and yet feeling so frustrated and helpless that I can't do anything that would make a difference for them and for myself. It's silly that I'm actually growing jealous of my own character, of my own making.

Lee Ji Chan, at least in the ficitonal world, you are one lucky bastard indeed.