I had a bad experience. (RANT)

So, there's a writer on here who's stories I have absolutely adored. I really like her writing style. When I'm on lunch breaks, I read her stories. I run back to them for quick entertainment while waiting for food to finish up, in the tub, on the toilet, etc. I've read ALL of them, and she has a lot. From oldest to newest, newest to oldest, even in alphabetical order. I vote for her stories, I comment on them, I subscribe to all of them, even the ones that have been completed for a long time. I recommend them to other people . . . I'm a fangirl.


 

Now, she's not a chatty writer. I know this about her. She never responds to comments, but tells us she reads them all. I've never seen a blog post by her and she discourages people from asking for requests. I can respect that, 'I'm not here to socialize' vibe. But, I took a chance today and sent her a pm. I was once again reading one of her stories, and wanted to ask her about her writing process and where she gets her inspiration from.


 

Me: Do you mind if I ask you a question?

Her: just because you ask doesn't mean i'll answer


 

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I can't think of a polite way to take that, or respond. I mean, she's right, but it felt wrong. Does that make sense? The polite thing to do would be hear the question first. Another way to answer could have been, 'You can ask, but I might not answer it.' I could even take that. Context is important here. Knowing that she isn't particularly friendly made me take that comment very personally. And it hurt a bit, because there's no way she didn't recognize my name. Again, I'm a fangirl and I show appreciation to the writers that I like. It's my way of supporting them.

 

Side note, if you've commented on a story more than once, or sent me a pm, or written on my wall, your name will at least look familiar to me.)


 

I guess the point of all this is to say, there's a difference between being polite and being friendly—and she wasn't either. At least that's how I read it, and that's going to color everything concerning her now. I like to think that I'm nice to my readers anyway, but I'll probably be even nicer now so that no one feels about me like I feel about her.

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silvermist1116 #1
That . I totally agree with you. She shouldn't have replied that way, especially to a fan.
AnaisNin1 #2
Sometimes on line communication can be so much different than face to face. It can certainly be less nuanced. I'm sorry you had this experience, and maybe because so much of our communication takes place on line these days it gets complicated, or maybe overall we are becoming more narcissistic as a result.
ema111 #3
I wish all of my readers were like you.... -_-
I mean some people on AFF really are too damn narcissistic.. Like they value themselves as such writers.. I mean like, yeah you (THE WRITER) are an amazing writer... BUT LIKE IT DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE CHANCE TO ACT ALL y about it.... I mean the only reason (well one of the other reasons...) that they do get attention is because of the READERS.... So I mean... -_- Or maybe they're just ignorant and rude like that.. BLUNT? Somewhat so?
LOVTOPBB #4
There are some people on the world that expresses themselves by writing but when comes to actual people they can't
Yonghyunism #5
Its a little disappointing that she turned out to be like that . I see how it would change how you would view her work from now on. Hope in time you would again be able to enjoy the work and not mind the author anymore.
I would like to take this opportunity though to thank you for being both friendly and polite to me. I know, my comments are pretty short most of the time yet you take time to reply to them. I appreciate it very much. Thanks!!
silvey #6
woww you are polite and friendly! what's wrong with her?? can u atleast tell me her name? so i can see /know/ who she is so i wont ever comment or pm her. /just as a protection./ i may also be a fan of her (i read almost a million fanfics here.) so i might know her
kodey4everyone #7
i'm sorry you had a bad experience. i dont know what i would do if you responded to me in that way. i myself try to be tactful when dealing with others, because i dont like conflict. i can respect withdrawn or introverted attitudes, cause in person that is exactly how i tend to be unless you know me...but on a site like this, where feed back/votes/recommendation is usually the bread and butter to the author...i dunno, that seems rude.
i try not to judge people, because really, WHO knows how she intended to come off. as people have mentioned in regards to this post...some folks are blunt or socially awkward. perhaps she doesnt realize how she sounds. that is me giving her the benefit of the doubt.
as a reader who tries to support those i subscribe to via feed back and votes, i would feel pretty much as you do. i also would have calmed down abit by now, as you have, and decided to just step back. keep it about the fiction and dont get close. you have to separate people like that. ive learned to do so.
once again, sorry about your experience. hearing that makes me appreciate more how friendly you are to us subbies.
IRollWithInfinite #8
I feel like the answer she gave wasn't mean or nice, it was just blunt. Some people are blunt and that's their natural personality.
I think this person has made it clear that they're not here to socialize and have not shared much about themselves. That person probably read your question and felt wary. I've had people say a lot of strange/insulting things to me online. So if someone comes at me with "can i ask you a question" I have NO Idea what that's gonna be. She may have become worried that you might be about to ask something difficult or troubling or very personal. And that's why the response was what it was.
Some people are just not social creatures. And it might not mean that they dislike people, they just don't want the entanglements or unpleasant situations that will inevitably follow if they open up to people. And I don't really think that's mean, impolite or ungrateful. It may just be how that person is.
You may have noticed that lot of people on this site say they're socially awkward - either just in real life or online too. So I think in this case its best to chalk the response up to that and not take it personally. I don't think it was personal and she didn't mean to offend. Her response meant "you can ask it, but if its too personal or at all uncomfortable I won't answer."
Now as for me, I don't answer personal questions. And it took me a LONG TIME to figure out how to get around it, because when I would flat out tell people that I didn't want to answer, they'd get offended. SO now I have perfected the skill of getting around any question without halting a conversation entirely or making someone else feel bad. But this person clearly does not have that skill.
So my advice is try not to judge them or blame yourself. It's just a lack of a particular social skill. And try not to see it as a bad experience. And try not to judge too hard. Not being open or friendly isn't really the same as being mean or rude. It can be behavior out of fear or confusion.
Leos_Lioness #9
I feel that we as writers should support & respect one another, If you've told her how much you adore her writing then she should at least say thank you I mean....HOW RUDE ARE SHE?! I wish people would tell me how much I inspire them which is what i hope for every time I write a new story. i want to entertain, Inspire & Motivate my readers one fic at a time. Hopefully someone will love each story that i create..... wishful thinking! LOL, Keep up the good work my fellow writers.....HWAITING!!!!!!! <3
coal3sc3 #10
Wow that's really ._.
I've seen some writers who aren't really friendly, they don't even reply to comments. But there's this one writer which is not friendly because she never reply to any of my comments but one day I pm-ed her asking her how she's been because she hasn't updated for almost a year. And I was surprised to see her reply. She told me that she's okay but she was just busy with her life that she hadn't had time to write. I wanted to ask her more questions but I thought that it may be more than enough since she wasn't a friendly person so I ended the conversation with a typical 'We will wait for your update no matter for how long. Take your time, fighting!' reply. And I was more than happy when she replied me 'Thank you :)'

But damn, that writer you're talking about. Well, the way she told you made it seem like she's just plain rude. Maybe she didn't mean it, but maybe she really mean it. But either way, she shouldn't reply to you that way. Because the way I read it also made me feel so urgh.

For me, I can take it if she ignores my pm but if replies me that way, I can't help but to take it personally too. T_T
lilsis909 #11
You are much better than me. I don't do bad attitudes very well.
evearroz #12
I despise of angry authors, personally.
sleepingoreo #13
You do a find job of being kind to your readers. I seriously never thought you would answer me. Because there are writers out there like her who just might not care about their readers. And even if she could careless to answer the question you had she should have the delicacy to just say depending on the question I may not want to answer.
But hey she may have had a bad day. Not condoning her words but everybody has been there. Though I would still be kind with my words. Some people just don't take bad days well.
But still you are a great writer and very kind. Like a big sister. You even offered to help me (which I'll be taking advantage of very soon). Though she may have left a bad impression I hope it didn't tarnish her work for you.
oceansofxo #14
So did you ask her anyways? She's abrasive. You just have to use a scouring pad. ^_^
oceansofxo #15
Don't let sourpusses steal your joy "Happiness."
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