I literally broke down in the middle of my physics class when I found out that Sungmin was getting married.

I’ve always told myself that the oppas need girlfriends that would take care of them when they’re tired, talk to them about how well the album is doing, about how hard their life is. It was fine with me, to be honest. But marriage? It’s a different thing, and it’s really hard to accept.

Sungmin is now at the right age to make decisions that would affect his whole life, just like marriage. But I am not ready yet, nor will I ever be. I will never be ready. No matter how much I tell myself that it’s okay, it isn’t okay. Marriage is a serious thing, and it might mean that oppa would be gone forever. He’ll be tied to another girl, who called their relationship a ‘burden’ (if she didn’t say that I won’t be this agitated, okay maybe a little less agitated.)

Getting hurt is inevitable when you’re loving. Love comes alongside with pain. Love would never be meaningful without a little pain. And in my case, I just loved the oppas so much, so much that it hurts so much that I need to let go now. They won’t be mine forever, they never were anyways. But still, it hurts. I can’t let go just like that. Oppa is too precious, I can’t just give him away to some girl who called their relationship a burden. (yes, I clearly hate her for saying that. If she didn’t, maybe I won’t. I don’t know Saeun, what she’s like and what Sungmin liked about her and you might say that I am too judgemental, but hey, I’m just protective over the people that I love. I can’t just let someone call my oppa a ‘burden’ no matter how hard it is to be in a relationship with an idol, especially the legends.  Before getting in a relationship with Sungmin, she should’ve known what she’s in for.)

I’ve always thought of them as a star: something that is not human, something that is unable to reach. But with this marriage thing, this just proves that oppa is still human: he falls in love, he gets hurt, he wants to have a family of his own. And who am I to stop him from doing things that can make him happy?

I just want oppa to be happy, and if he’s happy with her, I can’t do anything about it. I’ll just support him until the end, and no, I would never leave him even though he’s getting married. I’ll stay with him. I’ll stay with them even if they start growing white hairs, or start losing their teeth one by one.

I prom15ed to 13elieve, and I will do so until the end.

--

(ONE SHOT, SUNGMIN INSPIRED) (sorry if it's ty, but yeah. my overflowing emotions resulted to this)

Title: Someday

You used to think that life was boring. Everything that you did was repetitive, life was like a boring cycle with processes that you only do for the sake of doing it, or just to live. You didn’t care about anything else, not until you met oppa. Meeting oppa changed your life.

“You look so sad.” Oppa said when he approached you. Sitting on a park bench alone and staring blankly at whatever you’re staring at, Oppa thought that you needed company. He was friendly like that. “Let me put a smile on your face.”

You only stared blankly at him and blinked three times. Who does he think he is to suddenly sit beside you and say that he can put a smile on your face? You were quite dumbfounded with the current situation that you’re in, but somehow, you were amused. You never expected such thing to happen at such a normal day.

Oppa was like a breath of fresh air to you. Ever since that day, you kept on seeing him around school, and even around town unintentionally. After that day, you and oppa became really good friends. You two were inseparable just like a pair of chopsticks: one would be nothing without the other. Oppa would usually smile and wave at you, and say that you’re prettier when you smile. He always offers to treat you something to eat, he tries to make you smile whenever you’re sad, and tries his best to cheer you up whenever you felt like giving up. Oppa was that person who gave you strength for the everyday, and you don’t know how life would be without him.

Just like how oppa was there for you, you were always there for him as well. You protected oppa from all of those people who would look down on him, saying that he can’t do this, he can’t do that. You always bragged about how great your oppa is, and that no matter what happens, he’ll be your one and only oppa. Even if others who are younger than oppa come and try to steal your attention, you’d always stay by oppa. Even though there were younger guys who tried to woo you and make you love them, you always stayed by oppa’s side. You promised him and he believed you, and it was your job to keep that promise. You promised him to only look at him, and that was enough for him.

Oppa and you went through a lot of things together; your friendship was put to test through different obstacles that tried to destroy the foundation of your friendship, but you and oppa still made it through together. So many people tried to put you two down, but no matter what happens, you always make sure that you two can stand up to them together and break whatever misconception that they had about you and your oppa.

“Have you heard about the current issue?” You heard one girl say when you were walking down the hallway. Being the curious cat that you are, you stopped and eavesdropped over their conversation. “Oppa has a girlfriend already. I saw them at the park just this morning, and they looked really in love.”

What you heard really broke your heart into pieces. Oppa has a girlfriend already? You only used to joke about how your oppa should get his self a girlfriend because you won’t be there all the time for him, but you never knew that he’d really do it. You wanted him to be happy because he deserves to be happy, but you weren’t ready yet. You were never ready to accept the fact that someday, some other girl would make your oppa fall in love. You never knew that it would happen this fast. You used to think that oppa was that star that you can never reach; even though you were only his friend, it was enough for you. It was more than enough, if you were to be honest, but hearing about this news really broke your heart. Knowing that oppa fell in love proves that no matter how perfect oppa seems to be, he’s still human. He isn’t only a star that you admire from afar, but also, he’s just like you: he eats on a regular basis, he dumps in the bathroom and smells when he doesn’t take a bath for three days or more. Oppa is still human after all. Before you knew it, your tears were making their way out of your eyes in a rush, ad if they wanted to talk to oppa their self and confirm it before you do.

You walked like a life-less human being as you thought about what you just heard. You needed to see oppa and confirm it, or see oppa’s friend who serves as his spokesperson.  Oppa’s friend was as honest as , and he won’t sugarcoat things for you. He’ll tell you what he knows you need to hear, even though it would hurt big time.

You didn’t need to look for oppa’s friend anymore. The evidence was right before your eyes, and you even pinched yourself to make sure that it wasn’t just your imagination. There he was, with a girl, and he looked so happy. He never smiled like that when he was with you, only she was able to make him smile like that. And it pained you to see that you weren’t enough to make your precious oppa happy.

Oppa saw you, but you chose to run away. You were crying, and you definitely knew the reason why.

You didn’t talk to oppa for days. You didn’t have the strength to face him. Oppa sent you a lot of text messages, he tried to call you a lot of times but you didn’t answer even a single call. You were too hurt and you needed time to heal. Oppa respected that; he wouldn’t want to force his self on you.

You met oppa’s friend one day. He tried to talk to you about oppa. He told you stories about your oppa that you never knew. You had a really good time with oppa’s friend, and it surprised you. The last thing that he told you before you two parted ways was that: “Please support your oppa’s relationship. He’s happy.” That made you think twice and even thrice. Days passed and what oppa’s friend told you never left your mind. You thought about it carefully and finally, you were ready. You were ready to face him when you heard an even worse rumor that literally swept away all of the sanity left in you. Oppa was getting married. It was like a hard slap on your face and you didn’t know what to do. The only thing that you were able to do was to go to oppa’s brother. You asked him if he was getting married and he said no. Oppa’s brother said that oppa was not getting married anytime soon, and that you don’t have to worry. It was enough to keep you going. It was enough to give you strength to finally face oppa.

But what you didn’t expect is that it was actually true. Oppa was getting married, and he told you himself. You broke down in front of him. When oppa saw you crying, he panicked. He didn’t know what to do, nor the reason why you were crying. He kept on asking you, “What’s wrong? Are you hurt somewhere? Where does it hurt? Tell oppa where it hurts. You’re making me worry. Please.” All that oppa did was hug you, but never uttered a single word and just left without hearing him out. He didn’t understand that knowing that he was getting married was like a stake in your heart that only goes deeper as time passed by.

All your life, you never felt so betrayed. When your friends left you and stabbed you in the back, it was fine. When you had bad grades, it was fine. But oppa was different. He wasn’t just that person you follow; oppa was your lifeline, no matter how exaggerated that sounded. It was oppa who gave you the strength to keep going, it was oppa who encouraged you to do your best, and it was oppa who comforted you at times when you felt like you’re the only person in the world who’ is experiencing problems worse than global warming and climate change. Oppa was your form of escape from the ty real world and he’s slowly fading away from you. The day that you feared finally came, and you can’t do anything about it. All your life, you never felt so helpless, and only oppa was able to make you feel that way.

That night, oppa went to your place. At first, you tried to push him away but he was persistent and persuasive that after twenty minutes of trying to close the door when he’s doing otherwise, you finally let him in. What oppa first did was to hug you and say that he was sorry.

“I’m really sorry, but you have to face the truth, darling. Oppa’s getting married, can’t you be happy for me?” He cupped your cheeks and wiped the tears that were flowing out of your eyes. “I am of the right age now, darling. I have a life of my own. I also want to have a family of my own in the future, and she’s the one that I want to be with. She’s great if you get to know her.”

You just kept quiet and cried. You didn’t dare answer because hearing those words from oppa was really painful.

Oppa sighed. “It’s time to let me go now, darling.” He hugged you really tightly and rubbed your back, trying to soothe you and calm you down. “I’m only human, darling. I want to be happy, and she makes me happy. Your world doesn’t have to revolve around me all the time; you should also focus on yourself. You’re a blessing to me, and I don’t know what I’ll be without you. I really am thankful because you try to protect me, you take care of me, and you never failed to make me smile whenever I am down. I really am thankful that I met you, and you should always know that oppa would always be here for you and that I would never leave you. I’m only getting married; it isn’t as if I’m going to leave you alone. Can’t you be happy for me? Time will pass, and someday, I’ll see you with a guy who isn’t as handsome as me, and you’ll know how I feel whenever I’m with her. I know that it’s painful, but doesn’t pain come along when you love a person? I also love you, darling. Don’t think that I don’t. I’ll always love you, but you should know that it’s time to let go. Maybe, you won’t understand what I am saying now, but in the future, I know that you would.”

It was hard, but what your oppa said made sense. It took a few days before you were finally able to accept the fact that he was getting married. He was only human after all, and he deserves to be happy. A few days later, you met oppa’s girlfriend, and you have to admit, she wasn’t that bad. When you were able to get to know her, you knew the reason why your oppa fell in love with her. You knew that your oppa made the right decision.

You also pictured your oppa with children of his own, and it was a happy sight. You knew that it would make your oppa happy, and being his friend, you will always be there for him. You are his everlasting friend, he said.

Time passed, and you finally understood what oppa said. You had your own life, you met the one that you wanted to marry, and oppa was really happy for you.

“Thank you for everything, oppa.” You smiled as you hugged your oppa the day that you were going to get married. Having oppa there beside you lessened the nervousness that you were feeling that day. Just like before, oppa was your source of strength.

He smiled and patted you head. “I wish for your happiness, ELF. Oppa’s always here for you.”

“And I am, too, oppa.” You smiled before the doors of the church opened, signalling the start of the wedding ceremony that would surely change your life. The man that you love is waiting for you at the altar, and the man that you will always love whatever happens is right beside you, giving you the strength that you needed, just like before. And you were certain that it would never change.

-fin-