Sad thoughts, sad smiles, happy tears, fond-memories.

If you read my blogs, you probably saw the one about "visiting graves" and my whole spiel on my Pop. if you didn't read it, I'llpost that spiel here:

"Our last stop was Poppop's grave. Poppop was the only one out of these four that I knew. Its also the most emotional for me because I'm still not over it. For years I blamed God for taking my Poppop away from me, I was only 9 or 10 when it happened because I was in 4th grade. I hadn't seen Poppop or Grandma in about a week and that weekend they had gone, with my older sister, to see Poppop's brother, my Great Uncle George. They were coming home on the parkway, my sister was driving, Poppop was in the passengers seat, Gram was in the backseat knitting. A tire from acar going the opposite direction bounced over the median[that cement block in the middle] and hit my Poppop's side of the windshield. It was raining, I was in Super Foodtown with my mom. I was standing on a brown square [because I was trying not to step on the white ones I made a game out of going food shopping] in the steak suce isle the song playing was "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw. We got in the car and were on our way home when dad called, all he saidwas "Get home now" so mom and I started jumping to conclusions "Dad was having a heart attack" "dad hurt himself" "dad did this" "dad did that". We got home and he told me to go to the basement with Wendy and stay there. Of course, being me and being curious, I came upstairs and got yelled at and sent back down stairs. Wendy and I sat there and Dad came down a little while after, the first thing he said was "Girls I have some news" but before he said anything more I said "Poppops dead. Isn't he?" I don't know how I knew but I did. 

A week later, I went to Gram and Poppop's house and walked in the door. I was happy as hell that morning and I walked in the door announcing "Grandma! Poppop! I'm here!" right before bursting into tears because I had forgotten Poppop wasn't there. My sister had to go to therapy for two years because she thought the accident was her fault because she had been driving. Wendy didn't understand for a while that we wouldn't see Poppop anymore and it killed me. 

Poppop died April 2, 2005. The same day as the Pope. I no longer do anything on April Fools Day. April 2nd is a difficult day for me. Last year I wenton a trip with my German class to see the Holocaust museum on Poppop's death anniversary. I was fine for the most part. Until I saw a picture of a group of starved Jewish children. I burst into tears. 

Poppop was cremated. And we aren't sure if he was actually born in 1917 or not. Poppop had three birth certificates. And he was adopted. But he looks so much like his adopted father that we think he was the son of his Aunt. But his Aunt had him out of wedlock so in order to save face, her brother took her son. But thats just a family theory. The only one who knew the truth was my Great Great Aunt Clara and apparently she took it to the Grave."

But,uhm. Ye. I'm listening to my ipod at the moment and its on shuffle. Its actually kinda ed up when, one minute I'm listening to Zico and HyunA's "Just Follow" and then 2 secs later John Denver comes on, but hey, I'm aclectic. rofl 

So, I love Rascal Flatts, and the song "Ellsworth" came on. Lyrics:

Grandma burned the biscuits
Nearly took the house down with it.
Now she's in assisted livin'
We all knew that day would come.
We knew she was to gone to drive
The day she parked on I-65.
Found her on the shoulder cryin'
She didn't know where she was.
Its like her mind just quit.
Oh but bring up grandpa- its like someone flipped a switch.

A front porch light and a blue Desota,
Couple a straws and a coca cola:
You can see it all goin' down.
A handsome boy in army green
A tear on his face- down on a knee,
Shaky voice- a diamond ring should put you in that town.
Tomorrow she won't remember what she did today,
But just ask her about Ellsworth, Kansas, 1948.

She takes out his medals,
A cigar box of letters.
Sits and scatters pictures,
Black and whites of days gone by.
We started losin' her when she lost him,
But to hear her carry on you'd swear she's seventeen again

Football games and leaves a'cracklin'
Walkin' her home in his letter jacket,
You can see it all goin' down.
A perfect night on a front porch glider,
Saying goodnight for the next 3 hours.
Her tired eyes glow wild and bright
When she talks about that town.
Tomorrow she won't remember what she did today,
But just ask her about Ellsworth, Kansas 1948.

While the world is fading all around her
Sharin' a sundae at the counter
He's goin' on and on about her
But she's right there right now
Tomorrow she won't remember what she did today
But just ask her about Ellsworth, Kansas 1948

And this song, it just really reminds me of my gram and poppop. Not that Gram is forgetting things that horribly, she is forgetful but its not THAT bad. 

But listening to this song today reminded me of them. Want reasons?

Poppop was "a handsome boy in army green" and Gram grew up in Kansas.

I realized the other day, I still had no idea how Gram and Poppop had ever met. Poppop had always  loved to tell stories and be eccentric, so, until Gram told, I was going by what he told me. And what Pop told me didn't make much sense because his story was "Your Grandma was an Indian that I found in a tree and I brought her home." But his nickname for Grandma was "blondie" and Gram wasn't Indian. lol So I asked Gram how the actually met a few days ago. Gram told me that she used to go to U.S.O. Dances and the woman who ran the dances was throwing a party for one ofher daughters and Gram had been invited. She saw the my Pop was invitedtoo and she'd seen him at U.S.O. Dances too. Gram said he never danced and was always a wallflower so she had assumed he was married. [Poppop is 7 years older then Gram]. Gram said she never accepted rides home from boys but she accepted one from my Pop. [She said she thinks it was raining and that was probably the only reason she accepted]. But she told me that when they got to her house, Pop asked her if he could court her. 

I found it really sweet. :') 

I really miss my Poppop. I asked Gram if I could have Poppop's "Grumpy" hat and she said yes. 

I wish I could still play with Poppop and his trains. 

I wish I could still hug Poppop.

I hate when, at Gram's, I stare at her old green couch for too long, and I can picture Pop sitting there, sleeping, making his funny little -puff of air- snores. 

Okay. I'm going to go update Fantastic Love of a Playboy now.