I didn't really want to start a blog or whatever. I'm not yet entirely sure what I'm doing here altogether. But after I've read what many people think about Kpop-companies especially SME, I feel I should share my thoughts about fans and fandoms.

If you have read my story "September" you might have noticed that I'm kinda repelled by a certain kind of fandom and that's not just the sasaeng which probably most "normal" fans dislike. Kpop artists SERVE their fans. fan-service is not just a word here. Different from western celebrities Koreans (Japanese and Chinese too to a certain degree) are brought up to be humble. Even more so if they are in show-business. If you watch award-ceremonies in Korea and compare them to award-ceremonies in the US e.g. there is a big difference in the acceptance-speeches. Kpop always always always thank their fans and promise to work harder. Which is like saying "I know it's because of you that I am successful and I know that I have to do even better to please you in the future". Western celebrities usually thank their families, their patrons, management etc. and God. They seldom mention fans during the ceremonies although at concerts of course they thank them too. Kpop artists actually ask fans "please continue your support" ... and stuff like that. You've all seen it before.

I'm still touched by that. I'm also touched by the really humble places idol-groups live in even long after their debut and while already really successful. And rather than saying "oh they're treated so badly by their companies" I think "they're really sweet and just like the other kids that go to college or bording-schools and have to share rooms with fellow-students". So their everyday environment is not all that different. They don't live in secluded palaces. You know what I mean.

Well, getting to the point: These are hard and seriously working people. They learn a lot and not just dancing and singing. They go to school, learn foreign languages, study, enroll to universities, work on their individual talents while all the time they have an incredibly tight schedule to go and please their fans. And there is little to no bonuses or special treatment. Westerners keep pointing out how cruel the circumstances at the companies are, but what about the fandom? It's not even sasaeng-fans who stampede through airports and almost crush their biases while desperately trying to take pictures. I've watched a video on youtube once (cringingly because I felt guilty for watching) where someone recorded JYJ trying to get to the exit at Gimpeo or some other airport and were surrounded so closely by crazy fans that they couldn't move on and the circle kept getting tighter. It was stifling and horrifying for me. You don't even have to suffer from claustrophobia to get freaked out by that. And there was Jaejoong in front, stone-faced wearing sunglasses and I was almost admiring him for not panicking.

And that's only the tip of the iceberg.

But apart from the physical hassle there is of course the more distant one, the kinda psychological "abuse". I haven't really got a word for it. I feel awkward myself writing fan-fiction because I'm messing with a real person's life. But I at least try to keep my distance and respect for them. Although the probability is minimal I always keep in mind that one of the people I write about may read the stories and I want to make sure that he wouldn't feel grossed out or totally embarrassed or hurt. They are still real life people for me and I have to respect them as I respect other people and protect their privacy to a certain degree.

So whoever writes slash- or serious gender-bender stuff in my opinion crosses the line. I'm a big fan of SHINee although not a shawol. I don't want to be part of the fandom either. That's because I have my own opinion and views. Jongkey and 2min like all other pairings are myths. And although Jonghyun and Key are mature and psychologically strong enough not only to deal with it but to play on it for fan-service I'm sure that the others don't like the ual sides that fans read into their interactions. They might play on it every once in a while but I believe that it's really just a game and a show to entertain. Because that's what they are, entertainers.

My husband is Korean and for a while we had to live with friends of his in a really small place in Songnam-Si. I know how Koreans are. I've been to norae-bangs with them got drunk and celebrated. And although they keep it modest between men and women I've seen the guys share beds and sleep in each other's arms more than once. My husband too. That's what they do, it's completely normal. Although being gay is still kinda difficult in Korea the point is that affection between men (or women) isn't easily interpreted as ual desire. Which is actually a relief and it makes people much more comfortable with each other. Imagine being a guy and NOT having to worry about every move you make when you're with your male friends. Imagine to be able to just hug them, if you feel like it and snuggle up when it's cold on a camping night or if you're waiting for the bus in the rain. Imagine you can hug a younger guy who feels lost and insecure although he is not your brother just to comfort him and nobody makes a couple thing, a gay thing, anything ual out of it.

That's what I always liked about Koreans. They are affectionate and have a closeness among friends that I've never experienced where I come from.

Of course everyone can have fantasies and is allowed to dream. But I would like people, especially fans, to keep their distance and try to differentiate between what is done on stage and in public and what is done in private. It's my personal belief that drop-outs like Kris e.g. aren't just fed up with company policy. They can't stand the pressure that is put on them by an extremely influencial fandom that watches all the time. Breathe funny and they turn it into a major scandal. I believe that EXO is prone to crumble under the pressure because they are such a big group and other than Super Junior who were kinda concepted as a rotation-squad they have to be "one". You cannot be close to eleven people more or less equally no matter how hard you try. And due to the number there are a couple of guys who are or will become redundant. Thus the whole group is instable and I think that's already showing.

In my opinion and not just because I'm a fan SHINee on the other hand has high stability. It's a small group, they've been together for a freaking long time even before debut, they started incredibly young, and they are pretty much equally supported by fans. Besides they all have their own individual fortitude and add rather than steal from each other. They are strong and mature, no matter how dorky they act. I'm still surprised how wise they appear in interviews and how much they know about all kinds of things. It's because of that actually that I'm a fan. I like their music and dancing, sure, not all of it though, but much more than that I admire them for their overall professionalism and their capacity to entertain even under the most embarrassing circumstances and on all the difficult variety-shows.

uhm ... I've wondered from the subject.

Every celebrity needs their fans and fandoms. But I sincerely wish that Kpop-fans keep in mind that their biases are people and have a right to live their lives. And before you condemn the strict companies think about your own behaviour or the behaviour of other fans.