Short note: I divided this post  into two parts because I actually wanted tp post it several days ago but I didn't even get to finish half of it and then another day I wrote a little bit more and today is the day I hope to finish it. 

So, Tuesday July 8th: Hey guys... I feel honestly awkward just popping up after months of inexistence on AFF. I don't have much time right now before I have to leave, and since today is probably the best day I've had in the last few months I want to use this good mood of mine and these 15 free minutes to apologise to you guys for my looooong absence. 

Firstly, please be aware that just because I'm on doesn't mean I will answer everything I haven't in the past few months or check on everything. I have simply missed too much. But I'll try to catch up (kinda) during summer break, at least as much as I can. I'm only on right now to apologise and tell you guys I'm okay and to thank you for your concern!

Mina has messaged me some days ago telling me that I was featured and that some of you asked if I was alright. I was honestly touched to see that, but I haven't been able to come online until now (and I'm sorry for that. For all of this, actually). Parisa has also asked me some weeks ago how I was and so has Saenan (all via Facebook). I'm thankful to all three, but Saenan deserves a super special thanks (you know why XD).

Now: There are several reasons for my long absence, but truthfully it wasn't just circumstances but also my attitude towards them that made everything so difficult. Honestly, I don't really feel like going into detail (cause I could write an essay about that). In a nutshell: it was very difficult for me in several aspects (school-wise, driving school-wise, health-wise, and some more that are hard to define). My free time was little most of the time, but I did have some leisure once in a while. To be honest, I considered going on AFF during that free time often, but the very thought of it made it very difficult because I knew how much I'd be confronted with. Between AFF that was another stress factor or just lazing around, I chose the latter. The other things were enough stress, so I wanted to be as lazy as I could when I had the time to. Besides that, I was often at the point where I just felt very, very weird. I couldn't see what I actually achieved so far, I could only see that there were things I found so hard to deal with, so thinking about the future was horrendous. For some time almost everything seemed horrendous, but I could always find a way to kind of distract myself (I met up with friends quite often and I also watched a lot of anime and I read a lot in my leisure time).

I can't exactly say that it's completely over (although one big problem is gone: I finally have my driving licence and there aren't any big exams anymore, peeeerhaps tests but I am positive that no tests will come). Also great news: I finally received the book that has published a short story of mine (but the "award presentation" was the day before yesterday).

Right now I'm a bit weird. I first told myself I'd go on AFF in the spring break. then I said when I had my driving licence and after a while that changed to summer break. I have finished a lot, but I'm still really busy, however with birthdays and friends and the World Cup, which has btw become kind of really important to me because it was one of the things that helped me distract myself and just relax (or more like Manuel Neuer did, hahaha, geez I love that guy).

I grew distant to AFF and many things to be very honest. The past six/seven months changed me a lot. I really can't say anything about what the future will be like, not even the next few months. There was one thing I realized again and again in this half a year: I, as in my whole being as a creature that's able to think, am absolutely unpredictable. Can't say whether it's bad or good, and I don't want to start that discussion with myself again.

Aaanyway! (Jesus, this is why I really need two weeks to catch up with everything because I am always talking so much!) What I want to say is: I am physically fine (yeah, the health problem or more like the suspicion about me having a certain illness has been solved), so please dont worry. Mentally, I guess I am relatively okay too (it's difficult to say that for myself). Don't worry, please. I will feel bad about that, I already am. I will try to go on AFF in the summer break again and I'll see when I can check the comments for this blog post (perhaps tomorrow?)

Now I'll have to eat and later I'll have to work and I wish you guys all the best with everything in case I won't be online for a loooong time again. Bye and enjoy your weekend and relax!