Review by ChoiNathan

1. TITLE (96%) - I couldn't imagine any better fitting titles for this drabble. It's really nice and sweet, and it is what represents the whole story. And by just using the 'of' makes it somehow more sophisticated and attractive. You know, if you just placed it as 'Sunflower and Red Poppies', it would have been plain and boring. So that was a great and intelligent move.

2. FOREWORD (92%) - Since the first part of the drabble is at the foreword, it will be a bad point. But then it's a drabble and it is nicely decorated, so I think it's just nice that readers could transit immediately to reading the first part and proceeding to a chapter, which is a the last part. I like that. I also love the dashed decorations/layout, it's nice and it gives out a light feeling. The poster is good, but it should have been more gentle, washed and dreamy. But it was requested, right? I don't have anything against it, I just expected something better.

3. STORY PROPER (97%) - Nice, nice, nice! Everything is flowery, light and bright and I could feel the winds touching my skin as I read it through. I like how the first part's environment is something that would be really dreamy and subtle. The hills, the breeze, insects and trees; must say it was cliché but it was beautifully delivered. Next is that I loved how Amie explained the flowers, and how Niel throws in questions to guide everything up for the readers in a nice transition of words and occurring scenery descriptions. I want to share that we have the same writing style. But I have one problem, let me point this out:

"God, Amie, I hate you so much for doing this to me," he whispers as he stumbles forward and engulfs the girl in his embrace. 

It should have been more refracted if it was phrased in to something less informal because it was quite of a bounce off when it started dramatically. It was like a clean response yet it gives off that feeling that they were just casually conversing; which in this case they just saw each other and they're supposed to send sweet words of longing. My suggestion is that it should have been like this:

Niel threw in a sigh as he circles his head half. "Amie, please." He clepes in a long remainder, soft tones of sadness as he stumbles forward and engulfs the girl in his needy embrace.

Amie lets out an airy laugh and wraps her thin arms around him. "I was born with a contract, Niel, don't you remember?"

But I don't require any changes or anything because I don't have any control over your story; it was just a suggestion. But you can see it, right? He said less, though he conveyed his rejection of Amie making him miss her through his verbal description was effective and lets out a masculine approach of the situation. Everything else was perfect. Thumbs up!

4. GRAMMAR/SENTENCE BUILDING/PUNCTUATION (99%) - Flawless; albeit some sentences needs more adjectives or fillers because it whoops down to the next sentence quickly without stops from a reader's eyes.

5. NOTES - It was really good, promise! I wasn't biased about anything. I probably would take up some time to read the parent story too. It's really dragging me in to the emotions embossed and to the story's realization itself. I am unfamiliar of the cast, but by just looking at the poster and reading, I could imagine it perfectly. You have styles that are really witty and effective. Especially the one that I have noticed was '"Yup," answered Amie, with an emphasis on the 'p'.' That was a really brave addition because personally I wouldn't have the guts include something like that. But you pulled it off nice and smooth, and it just goes well and perfect with the past and future texts. I praise you for writing such a good story. I hope you win the contest!

TOTAL GRADE: 96 out of 100.

Author's Note:

This was after I had edited and tried to polish up OSBRP. Thank you very much for the insightful review ^^

Link to story:

Of Sunflowers and Blood Red Poppies