Well this is a scene I have for my upcoming fic, named "Catharsis". I want opinions :)

It's very... psychologist (??? and well it very angsty and dark and dramatic lol so if you can't bear with it don't read it.

I made a friend cry, so if any of you cry, or get shocked, or dunno (??? let me know :DDDD

+++

Changmin slowly walked. His footsteps where becoming slower each second that passed, and those surrounding him noticed, but didn’t say anything.

Even if the psychologist didn’t admit it to himself, they knew. They were conscious of how much he loved his patient, and how wrong it was from the beginning to the end. Of course, they couldn’t do anything about it, only ignore and continue with their life, but it was increasing, not decreasing and that bothered him.

Because Changmin was falling deeper into his hole, and the deeper it was, the least they could recover him.

And it hurt not only them, but the affected one as well.

He was enclosed into his own world, lost on his own darkness. He was so engraved, so craved in it, that he didn’t noticed how the scars on his arms slightly bleed, shading his white t-shirt.

When he arrived to the white door, he clenched his fists while the tears clouded his sight.

“I will meet him alone,” was his answer, and the others looked at each other, not knowing if that was a good idea. Heck, they weren’t even supposed to let them meet, but considering that the situation was never brought outside, they had to keep appearances. It was difficult, but psychologist and psychiatrist were born actors, and had to keep their feelings aside, hidden within.

“Go ahead,” said Yunho, slightly grabbing his hands; bringing him comfort with that simple action.

Changmin appreciated it, and opened the door, closing it behind him as Yunho opened his eyes in disbelief…

His hand was tainted with blood.

The psychologist roamed his eyes around, feeling the emptiness surrounding him. Here he was, inside the white room he hated the most, and where most of his patients lied. The color was supposed to represent peace, happiness, tranquility, but here it was seen as madness and as sadness. It made him feel uneasy, guilty… Because he never understood his patient; he always underestimated them, and there he was…

In love with one of them, while he reminded his self of living by having marks on his wrist.

A psychologist was supposed to help people, to made people feel better about themselves and to appease their problems. To have therapy if necessary, and to reassure them than sooner or later, in a gentle but rough way that everything would end. Sure, they weren’t allowed to say those words, they had to think carefully of what to say and how to transmit their message, but they knew that the patient listened and interpreted their words as those ones, making them feel at ease.

Whoever, he failed at everything…

He failed at making Jaejoong better, he failed at his self, and he failed at his profession.

He wasn’t, he shouldn’t, and he couldn’t fall in love with one of his patients. It was the most basic thing on his career, and he broke the golden rule, making his life a living misery, and breaking everything he knew on his path.

Changmin saw Jaejoong, and heard his soul split into two. He was all dressed in white, he truly looked like an angel, but he wasn’t one. Angel weren’t supposed to be enclosed in four white walls covered in memory foam, with a complicated mind and worse, in love with the devil.

That was Jaejoong’s error: to fall in love with a demon… But it was his fault as well. He shouldn’t have played, he should have known better than to continue the game.

His cuts bleed more, and he felt his knees touching the padding floor. Jaejoong heard the small thud, slowly turning his head towards him with a lost look. It’s not that he didn’t care, but he was too weak to move; he was too engulfed on the looseness, that he wasn’t able to reach the one he loved the most.

Because even after what Changmin did to him, he still loved him.

“Jaejoong…” Changmin called him with broken voice. “Oh God Jaejoong what have I done to you?”

The writer looked at him with lost eyes. He felt tired; too tired and it wasn’t because they treated him like , but because he decided to close himself. The world was too cruel from him, but he deserved it. He deserved each thing that happened to him, because he played with fire knowing he could burn himself.

And there he was, burned to death.

“You had everything…” talked Changmin to him while crawling to him with the tiny bit of strength he had. “Why you left it all for me? I don’t deserve it; I never deserved it… I was a coward, and I’m a failure, Jaejoong. I couldn’t protect you… I couldn’t do it…”

Jaejoong felt the tears on his eyes, but he couldn’t cry…

And to think all the tears he spilled for him…

“Jaejoong,” Changmin grabbed his face and looked at his beautiful, but sad eyes. “Jaejoong I love you… Oh God Jaejoong I do… I’m sorry you are here… I’m sorry you aren’t out there, doing what you love the most… I’m sorry I ed you up this way…”

Jaejoong lowered his sight, feeling the need, the will to cry. But he knew that no matter what he tried, no matter what happened, he wouldn’t cry.

He didn’t have the require strength to do it.

“Answer me, Jaejoong…. Answer me,” the tears fell from Changmin’s part, and the sorrow embraced them both. “Tell me that at least you hate me, that you don’t want to see me anymore but say something… Tell me you despise me; tell me that you regret everything we went through. Something… Just something will be enough…”

“Kill me,” was his answer with the little voice he had left.

Changmin froze, as if cold water was poured onto him.

“If you love me that much, kill me and don’t let me suffer,” he continued, feeling the psychologist’s blood on his face. “If I cannot be with you, then kill me. Kill everything I have with me and take it or throw it all. Whatever you do, it’s up to you. I don’t want it anymore… I don’t want it anymore…”

Changmin felt the tears falling with more force than before. “Killing you is killing me, Jaejoong. You are asking me something I cannot accept, nor I can comply…”

“These four walls are nothing compared to what I feel inside,” said the writer, breaking the eye contact. “Yes, I may be here because of you and yes, I know what I did but I feel empty. Nothing’s worthy… Nothing… And since you love your work that much, and since you want what you have more than the love I feel for you, then kill me. Kill me and let’s end with my misery… let’s end with this.”

Changmin bitterly smiled, and took out the knife he had been hiding all this time.

“If I kill you, I will commit suicide… I will let everybody know that what I feel is real, and that it takes more than Heaven to separate me from you.”