If you have not watched Lee Michelle's video, You should.

Growing up, i was often teased about my weight. I wouldnt say bullied because it didnt bother me but what did bother me was my skin. And even to this day it still bothers me. My family comes from a mix background. My great and grandmas are native american. My moms dad was dark there for making her skin darker than my grandmas and my dad is also dark so im darker too but my sister isnt.

My brother is the darkerst of all 3 of us but he doesnt seem to care. When ever there was a thing talking about family heritage, i'd bring up the native american heritage and someone would say "YOURE NOT MIXED. YOURE TOO DARK" or when i use to hang out with 2 of my friends who were lighter than me and when we would take pictures they would say "DANG JAVAUGHN YOU BLACK" or "YOU LOOK LIKE A LITTLE MONKEY" as if they couldnt see me on camera or something.

I got so sick of being dark complected that i started rubbing bleach on my skin, hoping that it would whiten. When ever i make a comment about my dark skin, My sister says"We're the same color" and im like no we are not. We have nothing the same. When ever i look at her, all i can say is Man.. she's so pretty. She doesnt wear makeup or anything and she's pretty. People always tell her how pretty her eyes are and that she looks asian.That made me go from not wanting to be dark but from not wanting to be black at all

I started looking up plastic surgeons to see if they smallened eyes and how much would it cost to fix my nose. I wanted to look just like her. When she would say she was from mix background, no one would tell her otherwhise because she looks it. We have the same parents so i wondered why dont we have anything alike?

An old BF of mine knew i didnt like the way i look and i that i really wanted my sisters face and color so it hurt me when he said "Youre sister is really good looking". I ing cry my eyes out because i cant look like her and will never look like her. When people say we lok alike, it makes me happy on the inside but i know its not true. And when she cracks little jokes and say im ugly.. it doesnt bother me.. much. It only bothers me because its her.

This problem is that goes along with my other problems that creates my depression. And over time things built into anger and now i lash out often, i go from laughing to crying to screaming in rage.

I dont wear makeup but i have thought of it, not to appear prettier but to appear lighter. I live in the south so if youre lighter, youre prettier. They say its only a few dark girls that look good and clearly im not one of them. I dont really think my features are ugly... just my skin. Here's a few pictures

My sister.. she was washing her hair.

 her and our great grandmother

Even now at age 17.. i still want to look like her.