Review.

(I so love you, mang.)

Title (15/15):

The cliffhanger, the emotiveness, the one-worded title and all that. Did you know I love this kind of titles? (Inside Devil aka my Conscience–No, no one knew that.)  The simplicity and the classic are the most beautiful resources for a title, so I’ll give you full points.

 

Description (10/10):

The description was poetic, and I liked the way it gives you the air of the story without leaving too much information about the plot (which I found really good because your story is two-chaptered.) Now, many people will get exasperated about the repeated “He”, but it is certainly a poetic resource (I write poetry.)

 

Foreword (+0)

I can’t give you extra points since your foreword isn’t related to the story itself. (Not that you need them.)

 

Presentation (9.5/10):

When I talk about presentation I talk about the poster, the background, the lyrics size, color and font, the paragraphing and the separating lines/dividing chapters.

 

First one is your poster. Your poster is great, and considering that you made it, it is really great. An author who can design her/his graphics gets better results because s/he already knows the story. You had no background so I can’t really count that.

 

The lyrics were a little bit tiny for my liking. Sometimes the size of the letters can difficult reading them, and can conduce readers to misunderstand a sentence or confuse a word with another. So, you can just use size twelve (regular size) and it would be perfect. Out of this, it is all clear. I especially liked the one-line paragraphs, because they give a really good effect to the text. I’ll talk later about this in the “Flow” section.

 

Spelling/Grammar/Usage/Mechanics (14.8/15):

I ran your story through a pair of mechanic grammar checkers and I found some errors:

You use the word “blonde” too many times. It is recommended that if you think you repeated a word more times that you should have, you use search the word in your text and if it repeats more than three times in every 600 words, you should find synonyms to replace it. When referring to hair color, use the word «blond»

 

Writing Style (40/40):

I just feel really emotional really now, because your writing style is beautiful. I find no other word to describe the way you make your way through the words, and the paragraphs and the chapters—simply beautiful. I’m giving you full points, because your style is recognizable in each one of the chapters.

 

Flow (20/20):

I said I would talk about the single-line paragraphs here, so I’ll talk about them.

Personally, I believe this kind of paragraphs is the most important one, and it is easily noticeable. When a writer want to enhance an idea or a line, they usually separate it from the others same as when they want to add a dramatic pause. Full points, because the construction of your text was clean and neat.

 

Characterization (20/20):

And here is when I get all philosophic and sentimental.

KyungSoo: He is the main character in the story. I loved the way you portrayed the feelings a human would feel (human as in hey-I-am-a-real-person human.) if s/he had the same ability than KyungSoo. I especially liked the way he changed his ways, but remained as himself. You get what I say, don’t you? I mean, you didn’t crossed the line when it came to a change, the way other people do (bad boy turns magically into a good boy and does nothing wrong.), because KyungSoo was still afraid of the world and had that feeling telling him that he shouldn’t get in other people’s troubles, but he also had that little voice—or memory, in this case—imposing him to go and try to help at least.

JongIn: (I refuse to call him Kai.) Now, this character is the one I really liked, because it had one single appearance in the whole story but gave a significant meaning to it. When it comes to displaying the importance of this character, I have to go inside of my head and that is what makes him perfect. Because, as I see it, Jongin isn’t a normal figure… he can be or not, the personification of a part of KyungSoo or any other person. And I would love to say many other things but they don’t come to the case.

 

Plot (59.5/60)

• Comprehension/Believability (19.5/20):

I never expected to say something like this, but you just made a believable supernatural fiction. It is mainly because of the characters, because they define most of the story. I can’t say I understood completely the fiction you wrote, but I guess the point was leaving us (the readers) with that cliffhanger about the identity of Jongin, but at the same time, revealing a lot about Kyungsoo’s personality and I even dare to say, revealing parts of ourselves. Congrats! You did an excellent job with the believability.

• Originality/Creativity (20/20):

Yoo-hoo! We finally got to my favorite part, the Imagination section. The Plot is really important (hence the capitalization) because it defines our story almost as the characters.  Your story was absolutely and completely creative and therefore, original. I haven’t seen a fan-fiction like this one in my life, not even in a book I’ve seen something like this and even if there was a text like yours, it wouldn’t compare. So I’ll give you full points here.

Unity (20/20):

Your plot was well-written and it didn’t jump from one place or time to another. So I’ll send congrats to you here too. Even the month that passed seemed genuinely arranged in the story, not like an improvised jump to the end.

 

Emotional Reaction (+5):

I really liked the whole idea, and it had me thinking each time I read it. I felt like some kind of superhero.

 

Overall Impression (10/10):

Your story was perfect to my eyes and my mind. As I always do, I would recommend you to:

1.Write your texts in Word and then run them through a more precise spelling and grammar checker (like SpellCheckPlus).

2.Don’t let anyone bring you down (or up), because the only one that can do that is you.

3.Have fun while writing!

 

Final Score: 100/100 (Highest score I will ever give.)

If I was too little harsh or this was too long, please tell me. And I’m expecting more stories by you.--ZBabyz