Missing you

So valentines day didn'tgo as I expected :( I think I should have know it since it didn't start with good news.

Right now, I want to sleep a couples of day or just disappear or something that can make me feel better. I remember first crush...it was with my closer friend, she was so wonderfull, cute,funny, tender... I remember I told her when we were watching a movie, she almost fell of the bed...but she loved men more than women so I had to face it and it took me a while to get over her, because she was special for me and now I see her from a good distance because she caused me a lot of pain,she didn't rejecte me but deep inside I knew she couldn't be mine even when she tried, she didn't feel the same way. So I let her go and I promised never have another crush on aany of my friends.

But then this beautiful woman appear, omg she is everything I want in a woman, sheis so funny, she get blush so easily (I like do it to her) she is a smart-, she is silly sometimes, she is gorgeous and has a beautiful heart she is selfless and humble and has the quality of forgiveness (which is rare and I think it hits me harder) but I can't be with her, why? well first she wasn't avaliable and second I already have someone and third she is my friend I repeat the same mistake :( I'm a fool because I shouldn't feel anything for her, that's why I got a girlfriend but sometimes it is so difficult try to act like a friend and more when you just want to hold her and physically can't! when you want take away her pain, wipe the tears, heal her heart. Its hard not to be the one, and even harder when you act like a friend when you pour out your heart, I feel like a lost puppy with owner, waiting at her door, bringing her toys, rocks, whatever I find so she can pay attention to me, its hard because I have a owner but I feel like waiting at her door, expecting her to wake up or come back home. I should stay away from her but I can't I physically can't I need to know about her, if she needs anything...right now the situation with my girlfriend is not the best and when I came at her door she just makes me happy. I don't know what to do -.- this is draining me emotionally...

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Choppies #1
Take things one day at a time. The trouble with the mind is that it likes to dream. It imagines things that may not be real. Right now you have a girlfriend. That's not to say that in future you may be single, but right now, you're not. She could have so many qualities that you want in a girlfriend, but I'm sure when you first met your current girlfriend, she would've had a lot of those qualities too.

I guess what I'm trying to say is to keep your head on straight and stay in the here and now. It's very easy to get swept up in the romance of something new, especially when current situations aren't going so well. Perhaps have a think about what YOU do in the r'ship to keep it going. Sometimes we get so caught up in what the other person ISN'T doing, that we forget to make our own effort to keep r'ships alive.
FujinoLover #2
Hey dongie ^^
There, there *hugs*
TaeKNEE #3
Remember that Valentine's day is really just a corporate holiday to sell cards and candy. And also, it's a good thing to be close friends to someone before you enter a relationship with them. Life is a series of people entering and leaving your life like a revolving door and feelings aren't something you can flip off and on like a lightswitch. You have express yourself more freely and worry less about the outcome because if you restrict yourself you could be missing out on something truly life changing.
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