Dear Unnie...

I dreamt of you last night.

It was just like you were alive.

You had the same sweet smile and contagious laughter.

You hugged me tight and patted me on the head.

You sang in your ridiculously out of tune voice and danced in your dorky way.

I hadn't felt that happy in a long time.

But then you suddenly stopped all your silly actions.

You smiled bitterly and told me that you had to go.

I screamed at you to stay with me.

But my voice wouldn't come out.

Trying to fight off the darkness that you were slowly disappearing into...

Yet you gave me one last beautiful smile.

And then you were gone.

....

Everyone keeps telling me that I have to move on.

Everyone keeps telling me that you want me to live on.

Everyone keeps telling me that you are at peace.

Everyone keeps telling me that I have to let you go.

But how I can let go off something that was so familiar in my life?

...

Unnie

Believe me,

I want to move on.

I want to live on.

I want to let you go.

I want to enjoy everything like I did before.

I want to listen to SNSD and not tear up.

I want to dance without breaking into tears.

I want to genuinely smile.

I want to laugh whole-heartedly.

I want to live Unnie.

I need to live.

Because you are gone and I am still here.

But how do I move on if I don't know where to go from here?

How do I live on when I don't know a happy world without you?

...

Everything is so bland and gray.

I want to see rainbows again unnie...

So how am I supposed to move on?

...

I know time will ease the pain that I feel...

Eventually I will learn to overcome this obstacle.

I understand that there will come a day that I will be able to enjoy living again.

But that day is still in the distance.

So unnie...

I'm writing to you here.

Because there is no where else that I can talk to you in private....

Please forgive me for my selfishness and ignorance.

It's just been difficult to let you go.

But I understand I need to do it for both our sakes.

...

Unnie...

Will there come a day when you will smile at me again?

Will there come a day when you will pat my head again?

Will there come a day when you will sing to me again?

Will there come a day when you and I can be together again?

I cannot wait for this day.

To see you once again, just to tell you that I love you.

But for now I guess we will both have to wait.

...

Unnie.

My dear elder sister.

You were without a doubt the greatest sister and my very best friend.

I miss you so so so so much.

I wish that you hadn't become a real angel so quickly...

But I guess God wanted His angel back at His side since He missed you too.

...

Unnie

Wherever you are I hope you are happy.

Wherever you are I hope you are smiling.

Wherever you are I hope you know that you are still very much loved.

I love you Unnie.