I HATE MY LIFEEE

Okay, you're probably thinking what the hell happened since I just opened a blog post with capslock words saying those things. (or probably not)

Because I do.

I'm getting stressed out. Of life. Of love. (?) Of school. Of everything.

I'm depressed.

And frustrated.

AAAND I HATE MY LIFE.

Know what? I hate today. Today made me hates myself. I thought people should love themselves more than anyone else? I think it's the other way around. I think people loves me more than I love my self........or they probably hate me.

Aaaanyway, about today. School's pissing me off like hell. The first session of the day is economics, and there's this test that I could do nothing but stare at the paper. I answered things uncorrectly. I don't even know what I'm writing. Sighs. And then, the third period. I seriously haven't done the homework, like, at all. So I ended up copying my friend's work lol. And then, next is mathin(e)matics. And the math teacher's having a... something like quiz, and we had to study lessons from the first year's subject whilist I'm now at the last year. Well, her. Adn then, continuing on, there physics... I GOT A FREAKIN' 45 AS A SCORE DAMMIT. And with that my love for physics are gone. Completely. No, okay, I still love it. After that, there's biology. We were studying about the second year's material, and since it was the second last subject of the day, I got lazy. Really, really lazy. AND GOD WAS NICE TO ME SINCE THE LAST PERIOD IS NOTHING BUT SOME BABBLING FROM THE TEACH. Well, I should be going on a presentation but things happens. Yay.

SO, THAT ASIDE.........

MY CRUSH.

REJECTED.

ME.

TODAY.

....No, I didn't confess to him. He rejected me in... not the... uhh, my English's bad. He rejected me aka forcing me to go away from him. Yeah. Something like that.

I liked him for some time now, and not much knows about it (except my close friends). And then suddenly there's just these rumours about us and that's in' annoying. He was my best friend until those rumours had to appear. They made me far from him. We never really talked much now, only when there's not many people around. I wanted to go back to my old days (?) as a second grader and talk to him normally. I miss talking to him. Hell, I even miss him teasing me. Two years ago, before I noticed I like him, he would talk and chat to me through BBM A LOT. But now? He'd ignore me, he never chatted me even once. Last year, he'd chat with me, and he'd be the one starting up the conversation. Now, we rarely talked. It hurts. Like hell.

Today... today, at the physics class, he went to the toilet. Not knowing he was going to the toilet, I went to the toilet as well. We met at the corridor, and he was sitting on a bench in front of my class. I asked him some questions. He answered quickly, and then you know what he'd said? "Just go away. They'll start talking again if they saw." And it ing damn hurts. I was hurt not only because I was rejected by my crush, but he's my best friend. For goodness' sake, my ing best friend. And to know your best friend, who you liked a lot, rejected you and asked you to go away, to not talk to him? It hurts. 

I haven't really talked about this to anyone except this best friend of mine. Well, she doesn't really solve my problems, but at least she'd heard me out.

Now I really felt like crying.

But I know I won't. I don't wanna be weak. I don't.

I was hurt when he said he wanted me to go away so they didn't talk about us, but... I really don't care. I don't care about people talking about us, I don't. I just wanted the old him, the him that's my best friend, that would talk to me, that wouldn't be afraid of talking to me.

This is tiring.

And my best friend, who never had a crush, had once said, "How lucky you are, having a crush. I never really liked someone, I don't know how it feels. It must be great falling in love!" But dammit, you're wrong, girl.

It hurts.

 

 

 

 

 

OKAY, SO JUST IGNORE THIS BLOG POST.

SINCERLY,

THE ONE AND ONLY AWESOME TRRYST.

I LOVE MYSELF YET I DON'T.

SIGHS.