Again it's pointless to tag this post as Sunggyu but I guess I just want to be heard. Because I just want to, because I'm afraid all my thoughts will be unheard and gone along with myself and probably because I wish there's someone out there who can drag me out of this hell hole. Anyone saying that having a big family is just great? Consider yourself lucky that you don't have one or that you're fortunate enough to not to be born as me. Its so hard, its just so hard to tolerate everything. When I think that everything's going well, they just aren't, at least for me. Everyone else in my family has a darn good time tormenting me, every morning I wake up to hear them gathered around, all six of them, bad mouthing me, telling me all sorts of nasty things behind my back, laughing at my weaknesses and do you have any idea just how hard it is? When your own family turn your life into a living nightmare? I'm not strong. I'm not strong at all. I don't believe I could tolerate anymore. I tolerated this far, for 20 darn years. But now I can't, not anymore. I'm a broken soul like most of the people here who write their hearts out, hoping for a release, and writing really sooths my mind, it takes me away to ab entirely different world where my fears don't exist. But I'm not fortunate enough. We have one computer and one laptop here which both my brother won't let me use throughout the day, he uses it from day to night that I have to creep out of bed every night at one in the midnight to get a release by writing. I stay up until five or six in the dawn and go to sleep after then. I'm sleep deprived, therefore I sleep until ten in the morning. And every time I do, they're telling me all sorts of nasty things behind my back that sometimes I don't get down the bed until noon, wishing I could never wake up. But I always do because I have to feed my cats. And why they bad mouth me? Because I write. Because I stay up and because they think I'm crazy. They want me to stop writing because the electricity bill goes up for using the computer 24/7. So at times I write through the phone and it darn hurts my hand. They ask me why the hell I write, they say that nobody reads what I write. Is that the truth? I don't know nor do I care. I just want my release. That's why I ve been writing for 11 darn years. Now to stop me, they're sending me to a cadet camp. I don't want to go. Why do they want to stop me so badly? So I want to end this nice and clear. If tonight happens, this would be my last post, the last update will be the final, the last message wall post will be the last. I'm sorry but this has to end, even if this is how it has to end.