Sometimes I wonder about who I am..what I want..where I want to go..

Each time I never get an answer that makes me happy. Because all my answers have been decided for me...

Who am I? I'm Bea, a 19 year old girl who's quiet when you first meet her but loud when you get close to her. I'm also really nice and can never say no to anything or anyone.

What do I want? I want to graduate from college and become a succesful nurse.

Where do I want to go? Anywhere that makes my family happy.

These are the answers I've grown up with and although this may seem stupid and irrelevant, it hurts to know that I don't know myself. 

What hurts worse and not knowing that someone is slipping away from me. I don't know if you'll read this but if you do, please don't judge me.

Dear you,

I waited. I waited all day and night for a simple thank you or message but I never got one. I waited on your special day and mine for what we talked about. Spamming each other's accounts 19 times to signify our age on our birthdays but I never got it. I did yours. 19 tweets on my pa because I started hiatus in the rp. Not one reply. I even wrote you a letter that was so hard to write because I didn't know what to say besides thank you for being my friend for so long. I waited for a thank you for days. I understood you couldn't give me one on your birthday beacuse you were busy. Was it that bad that I didn't get a thank you? It probably doesn't matter much to you but for some reason it hurt a lot for me. I guess I'm just overthinking things. Sometimes I'm too sensitive, I forget that other people have lives too and there are more important people than me to deal with. I'm sorry for writing this but it hurts to always keep it in. The longer I keep it in, the more it hurts. I don't want to hurt anymore over this. I'm even wasting tears over this letter that you might never read. I don't even know how to end this letter. Maybe I'll end it the same way I always do.

Thank you. Thank you for being a friend and I wish you happiness.You deserve it after all you've been through.

I don't know how else to end this. I was always never good at writing endings.

Goodbye I guess..

-B