Painful Confusion

I remember when I used to hate EXO, honestly when I think about it I didn't really understand why I did. I guess it was because everyone was hyping over them and me being a typical hipster piece of , I was just like : ugh god this is so ing trashy . Also at that point of time I wasn't really into K-POP again I was leaning towards alternative music mainly Lana Del Rey & Fleet Foxes along with a ton of indie bands. I only knew about Baekhyun then because my little brother's ex girlfriend trashy nerdmaster was really into him also then , someone whose name started with a C ( Chanyeol ) I was really really against them and when my friends talked about them I'd be all, " girl stop. "

Then when What Is Love came out, I took a listen because it was on Kpop Music Mondays and it was really really good ( my favourite EXO song / prologue ) Observing the music video , I was immediately attracted to Kyungsoo's voice , it was really strong and yet it had a mellow undertone. Also, I thought that Lay was really gay in that music video because of his hair stylist unnies wtf were you thinking ?! I didn't really watch it that much since I downloaded the song right after the first listen and that was it. I kept on listening to it , to the point where I memorised the lyrics. After that, I was back to dissing on EXO. I was a real asswipe about it. I was really SHINee and B.A.P biased then, Minho and Himchan being two of my ultimate biases that will never ever change. I never really gave them a chance, I didn't even watch the teasers. 

All of this was early 2012 I guess and then just few months ago , most likely out of boredom I decided to give EXO a chance. I watched Wolf first, immediately attracted to Tao who is my bias, I thought he looked very special feline features that graced his face also the song was super duper catchy. From there, I slowly and slowly got into them , watching their music videos over and over ranking their appearance and attractiveness and who i liked most and least . I watched weekly idol shortly after, absolutely falling in love with them. They were so shy and funny - especially Tao his wushu segment was my favourite. If I had to rank them now based on the whole package I wouldn't be able to, because all of them are really charming in their own way although some of them can be little s sometimes. All I can say is that Tao is #1 hahahahahhaa. The album tracklist came after, listening to both K and M's albums. XOXO was really good, alot of my favourite songs come from that album , say : Don't Go , Baby Don't Cry , XOXO & Blackpearl. Their vocal capacity never ceases to amaze me. -sighs- 

Well as a new fan, I wanted to know everything there was to know about EXO so where did I go ? Tumblr. My number one source for alot of things. I learnt about the popular ships and insights on the relationships between the member which is what my title is all about. When I first got into them, Taoris was my OTP although I ship Tao with anyone that would match him but then as I got in deeper, my spectrum was broadened and I realised that the realtionships between the other members were very strong as well , strong enough to be shipped. One of them was Krisyeol, I don't really like this ship but it is quite a realistic one which scares me a little because it somehow resembles the Chantao ship. Another realistic ship, Kris and Chanyeol are quite close and upon realising this my heart crumbled into little pieces because somehow apart of me really felt like Taoris was real and that they were really together. My mind immediately drew up scenarios of various ships and how Tao was constantly crying, suffering in silence without anyone noticing. I was really hurt by having knowledge of this because to me Tao seemed like a fragile person, looking at what he's been through and the constant need of affection and attention. And because of this I also felt like Chantao was a good ship, it was real - it wasn't always hugging and subtle touches - but like how a real couple would act. One example was during Idol Atheletics Star Championships, Chanyeol told something to Sehun and Tao wanted to know, so Chanyeol told him. Upon calling Chanyeol to come back, he brushes Tao off. ( i died at that part. like really , for some reason my heart clenched. ) This lead me to write one of fanfics , Try Again .

Some may see it as just Chanyeol being a total jackass which I partially agree on but I like to think there's a backstory to every action taken but me not being part of EXO I obviously wouldn't know so all I can do is just think of plausible scenarios that could've taken place leading to the incident. This brings me to talk about the period of time where Tao and Kris seemed distant , which is after Melon Music Awards ( MMA ) and during the Mnet Asian Music Awards ( MAMA ). It's like during that period of time, they had zero interaction with each other which led to the rise to the Taohun ship because they were practically all over each other then. I was really phased by this because I thought maybe they had a fight with each other or something of that sort and I was really worried that the Taoris ship would sink and i will sink with this ship . All I could think about was how lonely Tao felt inside despite laughing around Sehun ( i thought their taohun moments were quite adorable )

I appreciated how Sehun was there for Tao, the whole dynamic of this SeTaoRisYeol is really realistic. It would take place in actuality.

Anyhoos, the painful confusion part is that as real as the other ships get , tao is just the most important and I become puzzled as to why anyone would divert their attention from Tao.

So basically I am just Tao biased.

I don't really know why I wrote what I wrote above.

I wasted time.

SIGH.