Hey ho guys! 

How are you all doing?

I actually have some time today after all those weeks of studying and studying and working. Since I already updated yesterday, I'm not all too eager on writing today, too, but let's see. So, as of right now, I've finished 6 out of 9 exams, and I wanted to make this blog post to share amazing news and some random stuff about my life.

So, regarding the amazing thing:

I won in an official writing contest of the federal state I am living in! 

Half a year ago my German teacher gave us some flyer about a writing contest (the best few stories will be put into one book and get published) and I was super eager to participate. There wasn't any news besides a letter that said the result would be out in autumn. Well, there wasn't anything in autumn, so I kind of just believed that mine was put aside. I mean, I kind of regretted having sent such a light hearted story there, but at that time I really had no time or inspiration and it had to be a short story, but after a while I was so busy studying and just with life in general that I forgot about it. For a while I even lost motivation to write anything (during my stressful exams), so it didn't really matter if I won or not. Seriously, for a while I was really not active on AFF at all. Suddenly, writing seemed like something I've loved long time ago, not anymore. Same for EXO. 

Buuuuut (!) miraculously, I had a lot of motivation to write yesterday during my break at work and I did (and few days ago my love for EXO came back, too). And I somehow woke up today with a lot inspiration for Bittersweet as well, so I figured my motivation was coming back. And I was happy abou that because the past few days/weeks I've been feeling really weird. Just so empty, in the sense that I didn't know where exactly I was going.

Suddenly, my most important hobby - writing - became so meaningless and I wasn't in the mood to draw either and I even lost quite some interest in EXO. I was tired of the top 3 things I've been doing for almost half a year. And I just drowned myself in re-reading old mangas or just listened to music and tidied my room in my breaks between studying (and meeting friends or working on weekends). That was all I did for the past few weeks. And the days passed and I've felt as if I wasn't in the reality. But I wasn't in my fictional world either.

I was simply nowhere. 

But actually, I didn't mind having to study so much. What I learned was often interesting and at some point I was really eager to understand all that and broaden my knowledge. But I didn't like the feeling of not minding school and studying. That's just the opposite of the usual me ... and I don't want school to be my priority, etc....

But I've come to accept that there is no "usual me" whatsoever, there's just this "me" right now, at this moment. And it doesn't matter what is my interest and/or hobby at the moment. I should simply go with what my mind enjoys at the moment. It's easier this way.

Then my EXO love returned, my motivation increased again, and my exams are decreasing, and my acceptance towards the way things are is growing, too, so things are getting better. 

And now with the letter that came this morning, announcing that the jury really liked my story and that it will be in the book I was really, really happy!!! I mean, fcking , my story is going to be published!!!! (Along with other stories, though.) It's nice to be surprised like this. I mean, I actually already told myself not to get my hopes up too high because I'd most likely be rejected. I was so excited, I immediately called my best friend and we spazzed! 

But there's one thing that's making me feeling weird right now. Just now my aunt left our house. She's stayed here for around 2 months to work in place of my mom, who still wanted to rest because of her bad health, and I really got used to having her around, so I'm feeling really weird that she's going back. The city she'd living in is quite far away and before she stayed here we'd only visit her once a year or so.

Weirdly, I am the only one feeling weird. Sometimes I wonder if I am just overly emotional. But I often find myself thinking about how easily people come and go and just disappear out of your life, about all the things I've experienced that end up as faint memory, all books/stories I've read and don't remember, about how how easily things change.

And I've been thinking about how brief everything is.  

And honestly, that had me depressed for several days already, so I'm trying not to think and just distract myself. 

Do you guys know that feeling? It's so overwhelming that you could break down and cry. 

But other than that I'm okay. I've managed to lessen the detestation towards my approaching birthday, I've managed to partly accept that I am getting older and that 17 is still relatively young. Still, it's hard for me to accept because I could cry about how quick time passes. It's as if yesterday I was still 13, and the day before that I was a carefree 7-year-old. And tomorrow I am an old woman waiting for death.... goodness, I need to stop my stupid thoughts.

Anyway, so much to my life.  :)