here's Emiline729 with her useless blog of the day *insert cheesy music here!!*

ok, so my track record with guys isn't.... well dating wise, mostly nonexistent, though I've been raised by guys so I can't really say I don't have experience with guys. I looked up to my dad and my brother, so I'm alot less like a girl then I should, though I'm slowly and slowly becoming more feminine (I now officially own three dresses!!)

but really, all of the boys I like tend to turn me off before anything happens... or they move... the first boy I ever loved started when I was pretty young, I was about 9 when I decided that I wanted to marry the boy. he was one of my brother best friends, he was sort of a sneak peek for me on boys that weren't related to me, cute nose, cute eyes and damn, he wasn't related!!! I huge step up from when I had "married" my cousin -.-... and ok, you can say it's childish to believe that anything could be serious, cause I was like nine at the time, but when it comes down to it, I didn't like him just for his looks, I didn't like him just because he wasn't related to me... I liked him cause he always knew how to make me laugh even when I was bawling my eyes out. I met him when I was five and instantly became obsessed with him simply because he agreed to let me tag along with him and my brother while my brother always flat out refused. I was a pretty convincing as a kid, I could always get my way with things, but he was the only person I ever didn't take advantage of... when it comes down to it, I still kind of imagine what it could have been like if we got together, would he treat me right, would we get married and have a couple dozen kids, grow old together... what can I say, I'm a romantic-.- but he changed in middle school, he became less like the person I'd thought so highly of and became someone I didn't like...

there was another boy during that time, our friendship started out during fourth grade (apparently I fell in and out of love quiet frequently when I was nine and ten...) we had a strange relationship... once upon a time I was sitting with my best friend on the black top pondering as to what we should play when here comes boy#2 and all his nerdy glory. my best friends became obsessed with him when I mentioned that I knew him and lived near him, and during that time, apparently when you loved someone when you're nine "you need to hurt them cause if you don't they won't love you back" or some nonsense like that, I just remember picking on him because she told me to and because he was an easy target. I can tell you now, I wasn't a nice person back then, sometimes I think I hit puberty early mind wise, I was really emotional and took out my anger on the poor boy.

the weird thing is, even though the teachers could see me picking on him, kicking him (hard by the way) I'd never once gotten into trouble for it. during the last few months of school we started becoming close, this was when I wasn't hanging with the friend who started this mess as much. I didn't kick him as much as I used to simply because I noticed something- he never complained about me... to this day, I question why, why would he allow me to do that, how come he never turned me in when teacher were right next to us? during my last year of elementary school (he was a year ahead of me) I thought long and hard about this and it wasn't until I noticed how lonely I was during recess that he meant alot to me. the summer before middle school started we'd became really close, he was a better friend then any of the female friends I'd had. he listened to me, talked to me like I was human, we laughed together, he was there when none of my other friends were... I wish he was here with me today. during my seventh grade year (second year of middle school) his mom got remarried and moved away... I never saw him after that.

but enough of that, I still sort of had a thing for guy#1 until about age sixteen, where I finally noticed how idiotic this onesided love thing was-.- it was then I entered a rather useless class with guy#1 in it. there was also another boy there who sat next to me... at the time, I was quite introverted, I didn't talk to anyone in the class other then guy#1 but since #1 missed alot~ of school, I didn't really have to many people to talk to. while the rest of my seat mates were irritated at my inability to speak, he was really calm, happy and optimistic, he's probably the reason I was able to wake up from my emo state. while he was attractive, somewhat smart, and funny, there was something that held me back fully liking him... he had a girlfriend... damn, he was really cool though, and I wish I could have showed him how thankful I was of him for helping me even though he probably doesn't even know what he did...

but, I nearly forgot about the worst of the worst, the most annoying crush I've ever had!! I had this friend who had a step brother, I didn't know much about him other then he was the black sheep of the family and was going out with another one of our friends. during the sophmore year of high school I had science class for my last hour of the day, btw, this was still during my emo days. on the first day I sat in the back, not really expecting anyone to sit next to me when here #4 pops out of no where and sits next to me "hey ____, how was your summer break" frankly, I didn't think he even knew my name, so my shock was excusable.  I don't regret becoming friends with him, but when it came down to it, he thought I was inlove with him... which was somewhat true, I mean I won't lie, I had a slight crush on him, but when I heard that he thought that all attraction for him vanished and all that was left was a very angry Emi. no one, and I mean no one, tells me what to do and who to like, so him insinuating that I loved him with out me actually saying it pissed me off... ok, so I'm a bit stubborn and a bit unreasonable, but I mean, how big can someone head get! "Yah! go get a life man, who said I loved you, I never said that!!" I wanted to yell that to him, but apparently he went to go live with his mom across state before I could ever mention it....

I met with him about two years later, to tell you the truth, I hold grudges a bit to much and refused to talk to him... it was kind of stupid, but I'm still kind of mad at him to this day, I mean really, if I'm serious about you I'll voice it, other wise I'm perfectly comfortably just being friends -.- stupid boy-.-

so what spured this topic you might be asking... well I just watched the Adam couples last episode... so sad their's ended-.-

here's hoping for a good future^^