The Truth Hurts

Hey guys. I'm just going to get to the point....

 

 

I've been very suicidal...since the past few days. I get bullied so much, yet I don't even realize it until I get home, go to my room, and break down into endless tears. Yesterday my mother asked me why I had such an additude, and what was wrong..I lied to her. I lied because I didn't want her to worry. I didn't want her to get into my mess, my problems. It was the time of my month(yes, that was part of why I've been so emotional), and ever since, I've slowly realized the truth. The people who I thought I could trust. 

 

Turns out that I've found out the nicest people secretly tell me to shut up, talk behind my back, and tell me i wear too much makeup. Well, I'm sorry that I feel insecure, and I feel the need to use make up to make myself feel beautiful. I'm sorry that I'm being bullied, yet I can't do anything because I have no power over anything. I'm sorry that I've changed because I've been excluded, and being accused of things that I don't do. 

The people, the ones that I thought I wanted to start a new friendship with, I found them talking about me during class. They couldn't make it less obvious. I thought they were nice. I though I could laugh along with them, make new friends. No, I was wrong. They seem to be the stuck up, rude es they were since fifth grade. Sometimes I take a little break and get away from class so I can calm myself down, and stop myself from breaking down into tears that seem to never stop. 

 

I'm tired. I want to feel beautiful. I get called pretty, cute, and beautiful, but that doesn't make me feel pretty, cute, nor beautiful. I feel ugly, unwanted, disgusting, revolting, like a pest. I'm always in people's way, and I seem to irritate people easily. Maybe it's just my school. Or maybe it's just me. I don't want to come home and cry anymore. I don't want to feel like an outcast. I want to feel welcomed, wanted, a part of something. 

sometimes I think being dead is the best way. The only things that stop me are my friends, and my family. I don't want to betray my family like that, but I don't want this to go on. I'm tired. I dislike school, but most importantly I dislike the people who judge before knowing one's story. 

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Raina-ssi #1
hi darling, rain-ssi is back, it's me, your raina-ssi unnie :) i'm back and i'm better.
hey darling? don't be suicidal. that's all i have to say. i was in the same position you were in at the age of TWELVE. i had no idea people could hurt me to this point. but i leanred to see past my struggles, because i knew God wouldn't out all this crap in my life if he knew i couldn't handle it. and i know you can handle it. I Love You, ok? even if it doesn't seem like it, i do. i'm hard on others because i don't want them to make the same mistakes i made. that's why i come off as a bit mean, or pushy. but because i know what pain is. i've been hurt and i have been broken down since the age of 8. you don't need all this drama. just be a teeanger!! who cares about what they have to say, you don't live for them do you? nahh, that's what i thought. ;) so smile ok? girls are pretty when they smile.
SweetMel #2
I've been through that... You need to have a lot of willpower! Select carefully the people you trust! There's a saying in my country that could be translated to " is meant to be ignored.". When people don't deserve it, don't give about them!
lalisa #3
I don't know if you want to be replied to, but I'm going to do it anyways because I think you deserve to watch this video. This video is beautiful, and it has saved me on multiple occasions. It's cheered me up so many times. You don't have to, but maybe watching this will make you feel 1000x better :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&;v=ltun92DfnPY#t=318


I really hope you watch this- it's the best thing I've ever come across... It's really encouraging on those ty days...
selubrication #4
awh bb I know exactly how you feel oh my goodness. I get called beautiful, pretty, babu face, and so much other nice things, but I never find myself believing it, yet accepting it and thanking everyone.

I have always felt the way you felt almost my entire life through school. all the other girls in school were always much more beautiful or prettier than me so I never felt good enough for anyone. sure I had plenty of friends and some 'boyfriends' but they were nothing special. its middle school, in the 8th grade, and its still like that. but through the year i struggled with depression, I finally learned to just accept that not everyone is going to like me and I wont always be the center of attention. bc thats just how it is.

omg do not listen to anyone when it comes to wearing makeup. wear as much as you want, cake it on if you ing wanna, as long as it makes you feel beautiful. makeup doesn't define who you are. as long as you're a good person with a beautiful soul and personality, tons of people will start to accept you and love you for who you are.

but never be TOO nice. TOO nice gets you walked all over on and you end up getting crushed and left behind. thats me. when you need to snap, snap. yell, scream, but not too crazily. be mean when you need to, make yourself noticed, stand up for yourself. and up for others.

and omfg do not the mf es in yo class like srsly they arent worth ur time tbh. they are just annoying prissy little peasents who have noooooothjng better to do in their life other than pick on you. show them that you dont give a single and theyll be like omg this isnt fun anymore kbye
then its done they wont even bother anymore. if that doesnt work just flip them off and roll your eyes.its girls. we are so dramatic and annoying sometimes lololol.

DEATH IS NEVER THE ANSWER BB TRUST ME. thats all you need to know.

stay strong, dont give a about irrelevant others, and you'll pull through. ♡
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