So today, it just clicked in my head that the idols I really love are growing up, changing, maturing. it's just me who's still stuck in 2010 when I discovered Kpop and found these dorky kids and dorky boys.

They'll always be dorky, but they're dorky men now. It just didn't dawn on me until today.

You feel like crying. Like sitting on the rooftop in the evening and crying. Staring at the stars up there and crying. This is like 5 centimeters per second. I don't know. I haven't known this feeling before. It's new to me.

It's really painful, but... I don't know there's this sorta bittersweet happiness in it. I'm sorry I just... dunno how to explain that.

So yeah. To me, when I'm writing this post and all the feelings are running inside me, I'm just thinking of that one idol I really really love. The love is... not the kind of 'love' I'm talking about. It's... admiration, awe, affection, care and awe all over again. That kind of love. Not the kind of love you give to your boyfriend, that's different.

Today I saw him, grown up, 28 years old.

I'll be writing a very short story soon. So please... read it okay?

It's really a funny feeling. A feeling harboring too many complicated feelings in itself.