As I sit here listening to "Fiction" by Beast, my heart is in turmoil.  I'm suppose to be getting ready for work but decided to sit and listening to a little music (maybe burn a cd) but anyways to the point.....

As you all know, I buried the love of my life last November.  It will be a year ago in a few months.  I think about Mike every day without hesitation.  I even find myself wanting to call him when I have a bad day or some thing.  I even still just randomly start crying when I get an image of his smile or hear his "I love you" in my mind.

Well, a few days ago, an old high school friend found me and we have been talking.  I even met up with him last night for a few minutes.  I haven't seen this guy in 20 years.  He told me that I had been his first high school crush the other night.  when I met up and saw him last night and we hugged for the first time in 20 years, there was some sort of connection.  I was shocked beyond belief.  (he is nothing like Mike.)  I don't know if I'm ready to let Mike go.  I know that at some point I will need to move on with my life, but having some sort of feelings for another man and it hasn't even been a year?

He told me on the phone last night that when we hugged, I still made his heart flutter like I did 20 years ago. 

I honestly don't know what to think or feel at the moment.  Am I in the wrong?  Is this Mike's way of saying it's ok for me to move on and try to find happiness again? 

I'm scared to open my heart to ANYONE.