Can you understand this?

Just out of curiosity, can you understand this? Apparently, some people don't know what they are saying, or what they are talking about. Can you understand them? :)

And yes, it's all in English :) Or rather, EngRish :D

 

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Ms_P00h
#1
All I understood was "HAIIII!"
pinkaichu
#2
I could understand most of it, but not all. It's really weird, and it reminds me a little of the Glaswegian english, though this is an extreme Irish accent apparently D:
Skye1221
#3
It sounds a little like German xD and I only understand half of it ;)