Title: 3/5

Your title sounds really cliche and it is over used because I searched your title on the
search bar and I found a lot of stories that are also named 'Hey Beautiful'. I gave you a three since
since the title looks like it would suit the story you are writing :D

Description/Foreword: 7/10

Your description is quite okay, but I suppose you need to put a space between

Suho decides on a quest for happiness and "The One", the woman he will marry....

You're foreword has a lot of links and I suggest that you take that down since I think all the users here
on asianfanfics knows the meaning of, "Seoul, South Korea," "Brooklyn, New York," "Substitute teacher"
and "English," everyone knows the meaning so you don't have to direct them to wikipedia to learn it since
they clicked on your story to read your story and not to read wikipedia. Your grammar on your descriptiona and
foreword is good and there were no mistakes except the one I just told you.

Characterization: 15/15

I understood your characterization in your foreword and even though you didn't explain it throughly
it was still understandable. Sulli is a kind and sweet person and is always there for you when you have a problem.
Jessica is the strong one in the group, Minho is the surprisingly the positive one in the group
and is always the one who makes people smile while Donghae is kind of the player type that
that goes out with other girls everyday. Good job for getting a fifteen! ^^

Grammar: 7/15

Your dialogues in the story is very good but when I kept on reading it over and over again, it is hard for me
to understand the feelings that the characters are portraying. Try to use adjectives more often and action words
so the reader will know what you are trying to say in the story. Describe the feelings of the characters in the story not just only like

As I was talking to her, I thought to myself she's the one. I mean she all the quantities of a perfect woman.
"Hey, this might sound a little bit crazy and a bit way too fast but you want to grab some lunch once we reach the airport?"
"Yeah sure, what the hell,"
 

You can say...

As I was talking to her, I thought to myself she's the one. She was the one that I am dreaming for. A perfect woman that might just be the one for me. Her eyes, her nose, the way she talks, don't even let me get started with her lips. It may be a bit too fast, but I just want to talk to her and be with her.
"Hey, this might sound a little bit, no, very crazy, but do you want to grab some lunch one we reach the airport?" my heart was beating fast as I waited for her answer.
"Sure!" she enthusiatically answered me with a grin and my heart immediately calmed down after hearing a positive response
 

Oh and please use a comma in every "(word),"
and don't use a period since periods are only used on the end of the sentence. Oh and in the, "Yeah sure, what the hell," part. It sounded like Jessica didn't want to go eat lunch with Suho and it sounded more like a 
sarcastic remark that Jessica had no choice but to say yes. So as I said, that you need to explain the characters feelings. There were other parts that I wanted to point out to, but since the grammar part is too long, I just put the part from the "Pilot" chapter so it can guide you. One last,
*Knock*! *Knock!* *Sigh*  *Handshake*  *Ring~Ring~*
As I said, describe it.
I heard a knock on the door
I sadly sighed
I took his/her hand and shook it delightfully
I noticed that the phone was ringing and I asnwered it

And if you are on the 3rd P.O.V. use the name or use the 'you' and if you are using the 1st P.O.V.
you use 'I', but you should say who is talking if the 'I' is not talking. Example,
"Hello!" Jessica waved at me and I waved back at her followed by a smile.
It's just an example or a guide so you can change.

Originality: 9/10
I don't see other plot like yours but I know I've read one just like your story but I can't seem to point it out
since I forgot the name. So, I gave you a nice :D

Bonus: 5/5
I feel bad for too much criticism on the grammar part and I feel terribly sorry if I sound too harsh.
I'm quite very strict in grammar and not that much in the other sections except the grammar! ^^ :D

Total: 46/65