Hunhan13 review - Green Apple Graphics
Title: We Have To Impress The Empress
Reviewer: BlackRose343
Status: Medium
Review For: HunHan13
Reviewer Note: This was hard for me to review because I'm naturally a VERY harsh reviewer, but I tried to be as nice as possible.
I'm picky on grammar and mechanics since I've been taught that way. But your story was nice, and I enjoyed it.
Originality (17/20 points):
Your story was quite a unique idea. I haven't really read many exo stories, so I'm not really sure. But it was interesting, and it kept
me on my toes.
Grammar (7/10 points):
I'm a biggie on this. I really liked your use of colloquial dialogue, it was very effective in portraying what you wanted to say.
I found many mispelled words:
You used the word strached. when it is actually spelled stretched.
You used the word hoy, when it is actually spelled hot.
There were many other spelling errors, that I'm too lazy to write down. (I know, I'm a bad reviewer)
"I went to the locker room, and went to the place where people are (were) stretching." If your story is in past tense the are should be
changed to were. There were many instances were the past participle and the tenses were incorrect. I suggest that you look over
that part.
Flow (12/15 points):
I thought your flow was just right, it wasn't too slow or too fast. I liked the pace. But it was hard
to see any character development. (see characterization)
Plot (14/15 points):
I've seen many stories derived from exo's powers. But I guess this is the first time, I saw a story based on a girl who has
supernatural abilities. Personally, I'm not a big fan of exo, so it was really hard to say since I don't read exo stories. I did think
the title was really procrative and it immediately provoked my interest.
Characterization (15/20 points):
Okay, there's a lot to say here. Seul Ra's personality and situation seemed to unreal. So her parents ditched her, but she wasn't
upset at all? That doesn't seem very practical. I understand that she is supernatural, special even, but that doesn't explain her
lack of love toward her parents. I also found it very strange that someone so well-off found her in a park and provided a shelter
for her. She seems too lucky, but then again, I have to consider the fantasy factor of the story. I liked that Seul Ra was
nicely described, but I sense a disproportional distribution of attention amoung the exo members. It is noted that some
members are not as used as others. Perhaps this was done on purpose...?
Enjoyment (19/20 points):
Your story was enjoyable, I was happy doing this review. The story isn't boring at all, just some mistakes here and there, but it
was awesome otherwise!!
*BONUS* Graphics (5/5 points):
I seriously loved the trailer.
Total Score (89/100 points):
Wow, that's a pretty high score. Good job and try to continue your hard work.
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