So i was scrolling through facebook and came upon this, I have to say this has evoked some thoughts and I'm copying Tia (TiaraL) in doing, I guess, a mini thought section/blog. I feel an urgent need to express my feelings right now and who else to share my emotions with than the dear real life and net friends that I've made on AFF? I trust that you guys will understand and perhaps emphathise with me. Afterall, I think we're all in the same boat here. If you don't, however, understand then I hope this will give you something to think about.  

Wow. I sound so serious.

But.. I guess these thoughts do sort of get a bit deep into .. me... So deep that I'm considering writing a short (maybe) story to convey these thoughts and to articulate the feelings. 

Enjoy... I guess?   

As finished off this section of the blogger Sina's post (She went through each song), I felt her thoughts resonating within me. Although, I am probably not as old as her nor as experienced in the realm of fandoms, I can not help but feel triggered. I understand--somehow-- and it scares me. Her words ring true and the thought of such a future is daunting. 

Where will my beloved Exo be in years to come? Will each individual be off somewhere else, the family unit incomplete? Will they be --like Sina said-- enlisted in the army, destined to dissapear for two or more years... only to return as strangers? Or will some be acting? Some doing radio shows? Would they ever come back together if they separated? Even if they did, would they still be the same group of boys--men-- that I fell in love with? That I've grown to admire and invest so many emotions in?  Will Luhan still be the amazing ge I want, someone I respect, love and want to know? The scarier thoughts, however, would be the ones regarding myself. Would I have changed then? Will I be married? Someone with a husband and a family to feed? 

Although, I have my God to guide me and to reassure me, I can't help but feel scared. Never has the thought of future felt so.. alien..to me. Never have I been so anxious about this. It's queer. Uncanny.  The future scares me. It always has, always will. But to this extent was rather unimaginable.  The group's future, now that I think about it rationally (well, that and Sica had mentioned this before), it's inevitable that the boys will be involved in a scandal, that they'll change, that their faimily will grow up and break up. They'll become different people.. and all we'll be left with are memories.  Memories will seem so far back.. Would I remember them still? The--perhaps paradoxical--love that I feel for them now? 

I can't help but fantasize and think to myself, "Why can't we be like Peter Pan? Never growing up, never changing.... Never...Never..."

Wouldn't staying in a paradise, called Neverland, be amazing..?

But then again, thinking about it rationally, would it not end up being a cage, a prison? Would one tire from the freedom of unchanging youth and allow it to become a curse? 

I hope it wasn't too heavy...