PLEASE HELP ME GUISE.

So they nominated me as Serg. at Arms for the Student Council.

THE FREAKING STUDENT COUNICIL.

SO of course I have to make a speech.

What do you think? :3 I NEED OPINIONS GUIIISEE.

"     Hello/Hi! My name is Agatha [BLEEEPERS NO I'M NOT TELLING YOU MAH LAST NAME.], a Grade 8 student. You can call me Ate Agatha or by my nickname, [NOT MAH NICKNAME TOO]. Currently, I am running for the position of Sergeant at Arms. Some people might think that this position is low and useless. Just a title, all talk and no action. But if you vote for me, I will prove you wrong. I will show the people that this position is for the good of everybody.

     According to the Webster’s Dictionary, a Sergeant is an officer who maintains order and makes sure that there is peace across the land. I believe that I posses the qualities needed for this position. There are many qualities that a Sergeant should posses like bravery and the power to command people. I believe that I do not have them yet, but if you vote for me, I will work hard to be the ideal Sergeant everybody admires and respects!

     I heard from a few schoolmates that our schoolmates would just vote the most ‘popular’ one. But even if you did nominate for my so-called ‘popularity’, I won’t let you down. I will strive hard, along with my party, to make this high school a better place for each and every one of us!"

OPINIOOOONNNSSSS.

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dream_keeper88 #1
Hi, I'm Agatha, a grade 8 student and running for Sergeant at Arms. [be brief, and go direct to the point]. A sergeant is defined as... [then tell them what traits you possess; it would be great if you attended leadership seminars, done community work or activities that reflect your capabilities]. Then end with your objective or goal if ever you win. Something concrete, more specific would have a strong and lasting effect.


/stranger passing by
chanicorn #2
It's nice, it's nice! :D Pretty well written! ^-^ However, I think this bit;
"I believe that I do not have them yet, but if you vote for me, I will work hard to be the ideal Sergeant everybody admires and respects!"
would be a little bad in your speech.

Although you say that you will work hard, when trying to persuade people in things like debates or campaign speeches, never acknowledge weaknesses or arguments against you. It's not lying, you're just not bringing this up.

It would be much better if you simply said, "I believe that I have a lot of potential in these traits" or "I believe that I will be able to live up to that". By doing that, you never actually mention that you don't possess bravery and power to command, but you aren't lying, in a way. Do you get what I mean? It's a sneaky little loophole, but it works ;)

That said, congratulations on your nomination! I wish you the best of luck in your speech as well as your service ^-^
Bearbear_990606 #3
Congratulations on being nominated!
Hmm. I've never written such a formal speech ><
I hope I don't discourage you but the part about the dictionary sounds rather awkward 0.0
But overall, I think that your speech is great(: I would never be able to come up with something to convince people! GOOD LUCK to you! ^^
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