Review- 

 

Tittle: 

What Bully Really Does To You (Reviewed with only 1 chapter)

 

 

Storyline/Plot: 

I love how the storyline is unique and different from all the others I've read so far. Couldn't wait for you to update and develop the story and characters.

 

 

Poster: 

The poster used isn't making justice to the story, I suggest to get another one from a poster shop. Please feel free to ask me from recommendation of such poster shop. :))

 

 

Description and Foreword: 

The words used in the foreword and description is interesting and it draws people to read on. 

 

 

Characters:

Characters that you used are very well suitable for the story. Even thought you've only posted one chapter, the characters background and their emotions was very well described and at the same time easy to understand, great job! 

 

 

Language( Grammar, Vocabulary):

It's good that the emotions described was detailed and expressive, well done for that! Excellent wide variety of words used in the story to make it entertaining and enjoyable. However, the punctuation can be further improved. Since you've consistently use inverted commas for conversation, use it for all conversation and words spoken. For example, It wasn’t me I whispered. (''I didn't do it,'' I whispered.)

 

I gripped his shirt afraid he’d disappear if I let go! (I gripped his shirt, afraid he's disappear if I let go.)

 

“What’s taking so long” I heard Jessica shout! “Don’t tell him we’re dating without me”. (''What taking you so long?'' I heard Jessica shout. ''Don't tell him we're dating, not without me, (who).''

 

“Woah” Sehun lunged forward catching me before I could fall. (''Woah,'' Sehun said as he lunged forward, catching me just before I could fall.)

 

Flow:

The flow in general is still understandable however there are a few mistake that could be corrected and make the flow of the story better. The part where Luhan's wrist was badly hurt that blood was oozing out, I felt as though Sehun should noticed it right away and not until after he finishes kissing Jessica at the doorstep.

 

Next, the part where someone is reading Luhan's diary, I got confuse on who's reading it. 

 

“I don’t feel comfortable sleeping besides Sehun anymore, my thoughts have changed, I don’t love him as a friend anymore, I love him as a partner and when he cuddles close to me, I have to fight the urge to kiss him, I really wish I could kiss him” I heard him read aloud.  Once again the room erupted into laughter.

 

I ran forward and tried to grab my diary but Jessica held it above my head, out of my reach.

(I don't feel comfortable sleeping beside Sehun anymore, my thoughts…, I really wish I could just kiss him.'' I could hear her reading it aloud.)

 

 

Fonts and Size:

Font was perfect but the felt as though the size could be bigger to make it easier for people to read. (I had to zoomed in through google chrome to read comfortably.)

 

 

Summary of areas could be improved:

1. Poster

 

2. Punctuation for conversation (“Woah” Sehun lunged forward catching me before I could fall.)

 

3. Use inverted commas for conversation (It wasn’t me I whispered.)

 

4. Word's Size change to it bigger to allow readers to read without straining their eyes or having difficulties in reading.

 

A/N: Interesting plot, I've subscribed! The brackets indicating what I felt should be better for you story but everything is still up to you. *^________^* Please do ask for more review or you could ask me to recommend you a good poster shop for your story's poster. Fighting and update soon! Lastly, please do credit my shop by posting the following quote to your foreword:

 

 

''What a unique storyline and amazing detailed expressions used! I can't wait for your next update.''

By Read before you speak Café Reviewer