I have no idea what this feeling is...regret?

it feels awful, i shouldn't have lied. shouldn't

have lied to him. i tricked him. played him like

a chess piece. i feel sorry for doing that now. and

what's worst? he asked me to be honest with him

and lie only if it will hurt him so i lied and said yes

because it will hurt him if i say no. i don't like him

or anything but, i don't like lying. he's sensitive and

broken. he needs someone to be there for him, and

i did. i encouraged him, but now...he keeps on talking

to me. i don't want that. it will ruin everything. i have

too many people showing that type of affection. i want

it to stop. but how? i don't want to lose any friends, i

care about them.

 

this post is real, it's how i feel. i don't really like being

liked by alot of people. so judge me, hate me, i'm fine

it's just that i know they don't like me for me and only

like me for my outer appearance. i need someone to

like me for me. i have been broken once, but i lied to

make myself look strong. and it worked. but i don't

want to lie anymore. lying to people means you are

weak, and i don't want to be weak. i use my smile

which all of you see as something to hide my real

feelings. 

to that particular someone,

"im sorry i lied, and used my smile. sorry for saying

that all i did was an act. it wasn't."