Um, an explanation for MIA'ing this past year? To give you a super abridged version: It involves freshmen year at a very liberal and artsy high school that required me to fork out some type of style — for creative works and clothing-wise — and individualism. To which turned into a search-for- identity crisis. This included a really bad falling out with people close to me over a very frustrating, yet puzzling and absolutely unexplainable boy.

But mostly that boy. Whom of which is another reason why I’m embarking on this new journey to “search for myself”.  As cliché as it may sounds to people, I have learned to give not one more fudges as to what people think of my life choices.

Anywho… I’ve got many projects that I still need to continue/revamp. A Broken Doll, my f(exo) one-shot collection, and my beloved SeStal tumblr.

Regarding A Broken Doll, to be honest, after what I went through this year, I started to really detest this story. Mainly because I felt it was lacking the raw emotions of teenagers.

Regarding my one-shot collection, I felt the same way as I did with ABD. All I have to say with these one-shots is that expect a new feel to them.

To this, I’ll have to say that my writing style has and will change from here on out. I finally learned that not every love stories has to be a love story. Not every story has an ending or a beginning. Not every ending is happy. And having closure is one of life’s luxuries that we demand to receive, while we sometimes refuse to give.

Following this statement, the ending of ABD will be so drastically different and shorter than the one I had thought up a year ago. I was a different girl then who liked resolutions that made everyone seem like a perfect painting of happiness and gumdrops. No more. Happiness is inevitable, yet so is pain. And a problem with teens is that we are so self-centered and sheltered because of the predominance of our id. Like a Buddhist would do to reach nirvana, a teenager’s enlightenment is when we finally have a harmony between our id, super ego, and ego.

I know many of you will be upset over how I chose to end ABD. But I planned to evoke that type of emotion in you. When I first laid my eyes on that boy, I knew he was going to be this huge chunky lesson within my life’s chapter called ‘high school’ and that far-off in the distance day I’ll be an old and wise upperclassmen, making some sort of art out of the pain and creating something beautiful.

Because there really is beauty in brokenness.

And so, I’ll end this note here. School ends for me on June 25. He is graduating on June 25. I will be at his graduation because my brother is also graduating on June 25. I will bury the girl who wrote the beginning of ABD on June 25. However, the girl who will write the ending of ABD will not cry or scream out when he is called onto stage on June 25. She will not tell him she loves him on June 25.  Give him some time, and he will forget her after June 25.