三心二意

 

In less than 24 hours, I’ll be turning 15 and my high school era starts in a little more than 48 hours. I really want to cry... I don't want to turn 15, I don't want to start high school. I don't want to grow up. I don't want changes. Can someone please freeze time for me? Or rewind the clock black to 2009 when I was a tiny incoming middle schooler? Please? I think I'd do anything to go back. I don’t know if I’m scared or I’m just being a big baby. But I don’t want to go forward.

But I guess I have to smile and be happy since it’s my birthday, right? I don’t know. I can’t find it to smile. The years are going to pass by so fast and I won’t be little kid anymore. In two years, I’ll be taking my SATs, and in four I’ll be going off to college. And next year, if that “thing” happens then I’ll be leaving earlier than four years.

It’s going too fast, we’re growing up too fast. I just want time to slow down. I want my childhood back, to enjoy the days when we had no worries about we’re going, just because we’re going somewhere. The world was fine, and everything was perfect.

And now that school’s starting up, and since High Tech’s really no joke, I’m going on a semi-hiatus. I’ll still be here to talk to the few AFF friends I have. But I can’t really guarantee an update.

/sigh

Last year, I was fourteen and unmotivated. And now I just want to be fifteen and happy. So I guess this is it. And now, since I’m the only loser who likes to talk to herself using her Chinese name:  

Happy Birthday Cai Ke Xin. I hope you’ll be happier this year. I hope you’ll let everything that happened go, and move on to the next chapter of your life without sparing a glance back. Happy 15th birthday.  

Comments

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kamisama
#1
I talk to myself with my Chinese name though :')
张凯迪,赶紧闭
LOL
But yeah well... I'm turning 16, okay ;A;
Gl at High Tech C:
kurdoodle
#2
Omg I could actually read the blog title :D
But yeah, I totally understand. It's natural to feel like you don't want to grow up - after all, who does? But it's a new chapter in your life, and with that comes new challenges and new adventures. At times, it will be hard and you'll get nostalgic and you'll want to give up, but at other times, it will be extremely rewarding. High school, people say, is a time to discover yourself. Just remember to not get bogged down in all the schoolwork; remember that school isn't everything. It's good to try your best, but also make time for the things you enjoy! That way, you can still hold on to some of your past childhood/middle school years :)
KickaaBooty
#3
Awww, you remind me of myself when I was about to start highschool. Don't worry, highschool isn't as bad as it seems. You just have to make the best of it :3
citylights
#4
Happy early birthday!

I kind of feel the same way. I miss being a little kid and having no worries or fears so much. But hey, you'll experience lots of things as you grow up. Live a little?