Dear diary,

   As you all may know, my previous username was 'eagle_tamer'. I have life troubles all the time, well, the reason how I got my pneumonia was at school, which goes WAY back to September of 2012.. It was our sports fest and I was chosen as the front of the team for tug of war.. And all my opponents were FATTER than me, causing me to stumble form a 3-timed pull. So it began, we won the 1st round, 2nd, then next challenge was the 3rd.

As always, I'm in front. We began pulling, but when they shifted places and put those 2 fatties in front, making me TOO vulnerable to handle their sheer force. My hands were bleeding mess, while my whole body was a sweaty mess, when round 2 came, that's when they had put effort into it. My hands were trembling, I was about to lose consciousness when our science teacher pulled me up, letting me sit on a chair, I was a terrible mess back then, after that Friday mess, Monday came, and I couldn't eat properly without losing several oxygen in my body.

I lost 3 weeks of school, nearly a month due to that illness. Thus, I gained F's in class, Math, Science, Home Economics, Filipino, and nearly Mandarin Chinese. I had to make up for my 71[F] grade in Science, 73[F] in Math, 76[F] in Filipino, 77[F] in Home Economics, and 80 in Mandarin. But that wasn't my biggest trouble that time, it was this; 

"Honey, it's me, daddy. I'm so sorry for the news but... I have colon cancer, and I have to stay here longer.. I'm very sorry, I do hope you understand."

With that news my dad said through the phone, I felt crushed, like I don't have any reason to live anymore, why, you ask?

#1; My mom has cancer

#2; My daddy has colon cancer

#3; I have pneumonia in which anythime can turn into lung cancer

I desperately tried to run away from the cruel reality which is; Death. I tried several times to cheer up, but I only ended up being buried deeper, deeper, and deeper with false hope and pain, I once smiled. But I rememberd I hadn't seen my dad in 12 years of my life , if anyone may ask, I'm only 13. I always thought my life was only made for angst lovers to read it, laugh at, picked on, and eventually, that did happen. It was back when I was only a 5th grader, everyday I got bullied, picked on, everything happened. Until I changed on the 6th grade, I did a fast diet, which worked, I rebonded my hair, I tried to look like Ms. Perfect, but the more change I did with myself...

The more insults I got from them, they started to call me names, '', '', '', 'Piggy in the City', 'Attention Seeker', everything turned worse.. Day by day I could feel myself lose confidence, day by day I become more and more suicidal, until I started cutting myself, which didn't help one bit, I drank alcohol, which didn't help either. I always wished to be treated like human, but they never did, they called me 'y aka K-Pop ing Lover'. I have no idea why they drag my interest into this, I just don't. It took me 10 years to be able to accept the fact that;

This is meant to happen to me.

Thank you to all those who read this without changing their minds of becoming my friend, thank you.