I still remember the first time I saw you.

I always knew of your existence, or rather your band’s existence, but I never did take notice of you. My friends who were in the fandom used to make me listen to their spazzes towards their various bias, but I would just sit there and smile and their reaction.

I knew of Super Junior, I just didn’t know the members; and that was back in 2008.

About a few months later, I was persuaded to watch an interesting performance (as claimed from the person who showed it to me.) To be honest, I found it utterly ridiculous to see a bunch of boys dancing to a popular girl song. The boy in hot pink jeans caught my attention, and I still remember the first thing I said was, “Wow, he can dance so well. Is he gay?”

From that video, I couldn’t stop watching other hilarious videos. It was beyond my expectations, for a video in a foreign language to tickle me that much.

The very next day, I told my other friend about this video I watched. She was an ELF, an ELFish to be more exact. She used to persuade me to watch Super Junior’s videos with her in school, so it was no surprise when I knew that the band in the videos I have been watching the past few hours were theirs. I told her about it and she was excited. She was glad that I was “finally in the fandom” (as quoted from her.) To be honest, I wouldn’t say that I was in the fandom at that moment. Till I met you.

It was 26th July 20o9, slightly after noon, when I finally saw you.

This was the video that she showed me, her newest addition to her phone. The video was in 3gp, and it was pixelated. (Do take note we are taking about 2009, so there was almost no such thing as 13/14 years old kids having Iphones or Ipods. Also, to those who do not know what 3pg is, it is basically something worse than FLV, around a 200p quality.) I have no idea how I could even see anything in that, or recognize any faces, but I do remember one particular person catching my attention.

The song was cute, it was catchy and I found myself enjoying it the moment it started. I wouldn’t be afraid to admit but the first person to catch my attention was that adorable man in checkered. Well, I’m sure everyone who knows who I am referring to will agree with that. (pssh, I am referring to Sungmin if you didn’t click on the video link)

It was mere seconds later that I met him. The guy in that purple tie. I still remember telling my friend (the girl who showed me the video, and was staring attentively at me) that there was a person who caught my attention. She forced me to pause the video and made me replay it to show her which man caught my eyes.

Our conversation… It was something that I would never forget.

Me: Eh, I think that guy is cute.

Friend: Who!? Omg replay it!

Me: Erm… I can’t see him already D;

Friend: Wtf? Keep replaying lah!

Me: CAN YOU CHILL. I will show you when I spot him!!

Friend: NO.

So I ignored her and just continued watching, somehow trying to spot and differentiate which was the member who caught my attention. Then, it was only six members and I couldn’t even recognize anyone. But then, I heard his voice. That voice that matched the face. I pointed it to my friend and she too took a moment to think who it was. (Her screen is probably 2” to 1.5” wide only)

Me: Who is he?

Friend: What?

Me: What??

Friend: Why???

Me: Huh!

Friend: How!?

Me: What are you talking about!

Friend: Why do you like the weird guy in the group!?

So that was how my love for Yesung started. It was hilarious, ridiculous, unexpected but definitely fulfilling. Thanks to him, I started researching on all the thirteen members properly. Within three hours, I could remember everyone’s names and could match it to their faces.

It has been almost 5 years that I’ve been in this fandom and I cannot be more thankful of it. I cannot be more grateful towards the wonderful friends I’ve made. I cannot be happier with the amount of joy that the 15 members have given to me. And all these were because I fell for Kim Jongwoon.

From the beginning, when you started your training years, you worry about not being able to debut. After 6 years, you finally stood on the stage you have always dreamt of; yet you were not recognized. Despite being one of the few main leads, you didn’t have a single live time till it was 3 weeks into your debut. Even when it was only a mere seconds that you appeared on television, you were happy.

After debut, you had to worry about not being accepted. You were not popular, you were just someone that would sing but couldn’t be seen. When it was time to rotate the members, you were afraid that you would be replaced. When they added Kyuhyun into the team, you were worried that your voice would not be as good as his. When the band officialised, you were worried that you wouldn’t have fans. You tried so hard on variety, to stand out different from the others (if everyone can remember EHB) but it only came out as you being weird. And now that you are enlisting, you are worried fans will leave you.

Can you just, for once, stop worrying? I wish I can assure you that your fans would wait for you. We’ve waited for Youngwoon, waiting for Heechul & Jeongsu, and we will wait for you Jongwoon.

The change you have done to my life isn’t something so minor that I would be able to let go just within 2 years. So what if you are gone for 2 years? My love for you will not weaver. You are someone important to my life. Even though it is completely dumb for me to wait for someone who don’t even know of my existence, the amount of space you’ve taken up in my mind, the times you have /been there/ for me when I was down, those hours I spend crying about your dorkiness… It wouldn’t be replaced that easily.

So, please just enlist in peace. Just be reassured, fans will wait for you. 

My first bias; The escape route to my tough reality; The pillar of my life; The causes for my cries; The reason for my bankruptcy.

I love you, Kim Jongwoon.