I think I'm suicidal or have depression...

 

So, lately….

On my other blog,” A Word to the Wise.” I said how me and my former best friend broke up with each other…  And lately, I’ve been so tired to do, well, anything. It hurts when I think, when I walk, when I talk, when I try to smile, but grow tired of myself and how fake I look doing it.

Recently school hasn’t been helping either, I have friends, but the downside with that former best friend of mine was that she was a very popular. As I said, I had enough friends to keep me satisfied and I knew people and they knew me, but after we fought. Barely anyone is talking to me, like they said it’s my fault for what happened.

I dropped from a pretty 9ish on the popular scale to a flat 4. I don’t care about being popular or anything, what really bothers me is the looks people give me. Glares, scoffs, and deadly gazes from the corner of their eyes, all looking at me. What did I ever do to you? Why do you hate me? I fought with her, not you. Why are you taking the side of someone who is a two faced that gossips 24/7 and uses the outta people?

I’m just… done. I can’t go on with this anymore. I’m seriously about to pop. I take off my glasses so I don't have to see those faces, but I still feel them on me... tensely on me. I was such a cheery and sunny girl till this all happened... Like Zico says," I had lost my innnocence and became a villian." To let you know, I’m the kinda person who you can call a , hoe, , retard, , any other words without getting so much offended, but when you call me a liar. That’s when I ing snap.

Today, that friend of mine, called me a liar because recently I posted my Instgram username on my YouTube and Tumblr page, so people can follow me. I got +400 more followers then her. She said,” You bought those followers you fake hoe.” Like I said. I don’t care about being called a hoe. I ing hate being called a liar, but I find it amazing how she still stalks me on it. My account isn't private because I got nothing to hide, but she still looks at my page to see how I'm doing? After I unfollowed her and blocked her on Facebook. Wow. Your pathic. 

I wanted to go home during lunch (4th period), but the nice nurse that usually lets me skip said I only have 2 more hours and can do it. I tried so hard. So, so hard. I out a bit during 6th, but I didn’t go home. This has been going on for the past monthish. I'm just dead.

I don’t know anymore, I just don’t care. I… I just want life to be over.

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MissCrayon #1
My dear, your life doesn't end here.
I know how it feels like to get stabbed in the back by a former best friend. It just hurts so much to know that the one the you trusted so much turns their back on you.
Life goes on. You have more than a million reasons to live. You still have so many things to do, so much more to experience, so much more waiting out there for you.
Please seek help from a trusted adult if the bullying gets any worse. I do not wish to see one more beautiful person leaving this world because of bullying. You have to stop it, and only you can. No one can help you if you don't.
Since you've done nothing wrong, hold your head up high. You don't deserve to get this kind of treatment. Karma will get that bxtch ex-friend of yours soon. You don't need such people in your life.
Remember, you deserve so much more than this, and there are so many reasons for you to live. You're born for a purpose.
Stay safe. xx
one_spring_day #2
Hey..... you can't die. There is so many things in this world waiting for you and for your future. I used to be like you, you know. Everyone left me and I had no friends. But I tried to make some and I did. Look here I some of my secret to make my life good. This right be hard but think positive. More you think positive more positive things will come to you. Think of yourself as a magnet. If you think of negative or depressing things only bad things will come to you. But if you think yourself as a positive thing good luck will come to you more. I might sound like a mad person but it works for me and some other peoples. Also we are here for you. We might be just some internet friend but we are a friend your need some one to talk to. Don't die please?
-shouko #3
wow this sounds like me,i skipped school yesterday to avoid everything #suicide
-mentally #4
no. You may think that you don't want to live, but you shouldn't think that way.
Just try your hardest to ignore them and if that doesn't work, and they keep bothering you or it gets any worse, tell a trusted adult. If you do that and they start being rude to you about being a "tattle tale" that makes no sense since what they were doing is wrong and bullying is a huge issue. I want to know how they would feel if they were boing treated the way they're treating you. They most likely wouldn't stand it and they'd hate it just like you and most other people that go through this. And the people who are bullying you and sticking up for your old best friend aren't very smart. I bet your old best friend has gossiped about them once, twice, or even more. But please, don't do anything that you'd regret <3 stay strong <3 you can inbox me if you want to talk about anything as well :)
liquored #5
no. you don't want your life to end, okay.
i am here to talk and rite now i would inbox you but i dont bloody know how. im stupid, yes, i know. T.T
suicidal and depression? i know a lot about that, so i am open to talk to.
seriously, i want to help. inbox me cus this stupid c u n t doesn know how to :/
-efron #6
OMO NO KENZIE. I wish I could hug you right now. I know it hurts to be called a liar and those other words. I know you might think they don't hurt, but I think it's al catching up to you. Kenzie, that girl is not worth your attention. I know she's begging for it by talking to you and getting in your face, but try to brush it off the best you can, alright? She's just trying to make you feel worse, and see how you react because she wants to get every last piece of happiness out of you. I know it might be hard, but you have to try and ignore it the best you can.
The people who are now dissing you, now you know they were never friends. Just laugh right in their faces. Glare back. Do everything they do to you right back in their faces. You've got to be strong like I know you are.
I really wish I could hug you and tell you that everything is okay. I want to just let you cry while I comfort you, but we both know that can't happen. When I say you can message me any times about anything, I mean it. I'll try to help talk you through anything, no matter how difficult it is. Know this is just a phase and you've got really great friends like me, Crona, Tyler, Ginta, and you're other really good friends. Okay? Just try to stay strong.
I love you~!
dream_keeper88 #7
Ignore her. Ignore them. Don't let them win. Stand up and live your life the way you want it too. It will be hard at first but you are strong :) Go to your happy place :)
SullyBunny19 #8
Before you think about doing things to hurt yourself you should tell a family member about what's going on. I know that most teens don't go to their parents about their situation, but this is something serious. You shouldn't let that get to you. She maybe saying all those mean things now, but someday she will realize what she doing and apologize. I really hope you'll be ok. Stay strong. c:
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