Guts
Written by BeautifulMess & Reviewed by enlightened_

Title: 8/15

The title definitely has a nice ring to it – guts can mean two things; to have the guts to do it – or she kicked him in his gut (I don’t know why I’m laughing at my own sentence but yeah you get the gist). I’ve heard of your story before because I subscribed to a few review shops that subscribed to your story (and I remember the days when it was supposed to be GUTS), but I’ve never had a chance to read it. But I don’t know, something is lacking – but I don’t know what it is. It just didn’t pull me enough to actually read the story itself.

Description & Foreword: 7/10

If it weren’t for the foreword I’d actually be cringing right now.

When I first read the description I was literally sighing. With the vocabulary of ‘bad-’, ‘high school’, ‘seventeen’, I just honestly didn’t know what to do anymore. But the Foreword actually saved you from me giving you a score of 2/10. I actually fairly liked it enough to continue on with the first chapter. But really, the vocabulary just made me slightly laugh – it just wasn’t as effective to lure people (like me) in. Try to use serious words – and maybe you could remove the ‘high school’ part altogether. It just made me feel – I don’t know – to cringe a little. But honestly, the Foreword is very interesting and I really wanted to know more.

(Plus it features Chen and he’s my bias. People forget Chen all the time so yay for you.)

Plot: 25 points from two categories

• Originality: 9/15 points

I honestly haven’t seen any fanfiction like this one where the author actually knows their stuff. The whole plot was well packed and I really truly believe that while it’s not that original, it keeps me hanging and yearning for more to read. The ‘secret organization’ stuff is not that original, but how you describe them seems to be very original (help I don’t know how to describe it). But really, the whole ‘high school’ plot is just – overused and extremely clichéd. I was hoping for maybe at work or something? Maybe Hyerin is 20 and Luhan is 24? It just makes the plot more believable (see the believability rubric below). Now that I think of it, secret organizations + high-school life isn’t exactly that original. But your knowledge in writing these things makes up for it.

• Believability: 5/10 points

This is the lowest score from all of the rubrics (except for the bonus because well – it’s bonus) and I think that you know why.

First off – the high school plot and the fact that Hyerin is only seventeen. Only seventeen. I honestly can’t believe that – the fact that she’s still seventeen and she is still in high school. Honestly - the fact that she knows how to fire guns and fight properly, and she has super-durability. I honestly think that she’s actually a Mary Sue (and this will be continued on the character’s segment later on).

You leave no space for them to be actually shocked and to actually really reject. Wait, you added them – but only briefly. If I were one of the characters, say, Luhan – I would be totally rejecting the offer. This will be what I think: so, this girl just started to talk to me and she knows I’m a dancer. That’s an invasion of privacy. It just doesn’t match up with Luhan’s initial character in the story, all right? For them to actually just give in to the offer – it just isn’t that believable.

I was actually hoping this story to be an office!au – because honestly, I can just imagine 22 year old Hyerin being one of the workers in Suho’s company, Chen being his secretary and Kris being one of Suho’s rivals. Oh, it will be so much fun reading it (and yes, people who’s reading this review, I demand for one of you to actually work on this story).

But the fact that you actually know your stuff just makes it better.

Presentation: 8/10

Can’t comment much about it because it’s really neat. The thing that irks me a little is the uneven spacing between paragraphs. Sometimes I get confused, is this the next scene after the scene now or the same scene as above?

The hanging indentation somehow irks me too, but it’s personal preference, can’t say much about it.

The red font is used in a very good way, by the way.

(I remember when the font was colored blue. But now it’s perfect, just saying. And I know we won’t judge the posters, but I love the poster. Good choice of a designer to make it!)

Characters: 9/15 points

I have a love-hate relationship with Hyerin. And it’s not because she’s close with my EXO-oppars, no.

I actually just don’t like her name in general. Kim Hyerin. Even her name rings something like Mary Sue! And in all honesty I think she’s (somewhat?) kind-of-like a Mary Sue. She’s perfect, but she doesn’t want to be known for it. Oh, she’s smart too. And she practically just oozes appeal (I honestly don’t know how to describe this and I cry for help). And she can defend herself perfectly. I just somewhat kind of hate Hyerin. And I know she has trained for a bloody 10 years, but she’s still a teenager. She’s still a kid. She’s still seventeen. But I like it when you describe her breaking down.

But your characterization of Kyungsoo makes me yell in happiness. No, the Kyungsoo here is not the innocent little kid everyone thinks he is – this Kyungsoo fights and curses and does all the things that the stereotypical Kyungsoo doesn't. And his humor. His humor. If I were Hyerin I would honestly try to become his friend.

And I love how you separate EXO into several minor groups in the beginning. It was honestly refreshing than the ‘oh-look here’s-the-12-boys-named-EXO-coming-here’.

And I want a dad like Myungjae. Seriously.

Spelling & Grammar: 8/10

Not much to say but it’s good, almost great, but not excellent, though. I spotted some awkward placement of words here and there, but in all honesty it’s fairly great. And as I told before, I am not really focused in spelling and/or grammar. If you want someone to really check through it I suggest you to use an editor or a beta-reader. But it’s good.

Writing Style: 8/10

I honestly enjoyed the writing style. It’s not too complicated nor too simple – it has the things I really look forward to read too in a fanfiction and so I applaud you for making me want to continue reading this. The only thing I’m distressed about is probably the whole swearing? And the chapter titles – some of them just made me chuckle (in a very very bad way). But overall, it’s extremely good.

Flow: 7/10

I read some of the reviews from the other reviewers but I’m honestly confused at the ‘slow flow’ of the story. For me, it is too speedy – the transition from today to the next 6 months isn’t that clear. I was just reading and then the line of you have lived for 6 months together just suddenly popped out and I just widened my eyes – whoa I did not expect that to happen. But overall you kept a really nice flow and I’m happy with it.

Enjoyment: 10/15

I honestly enjoy reading this! It was a quick break from mindless people who write about ‘secret organization’ and ‘gangs’ and stuff who didn’t actually know anything about it, and the pictures of their vehicles just makes me drool. Oh my god, so sleek.

Bonus: 3/5

You definitely deserved this bonus because of the plot! But, to reconsider, I think it’s actually for everything.

Total Score:  82/125  = 65.6%

Extra:

Don't be disheartened by the score buddy. This is just me being the critical person herself is.

At the first time I was extremely disgruntled because holy 48 freaking chapters. And the high-school part made me slightly roll my eye because I didn’t know you actually know your stuff. And when I started reading this, I was wrong. Completely wrong. The plot is compelling and the characters just stood out that much.

(And somewhat-cliché fics are my guilty pleasure.)