Wanna know something that pisses me off? 

That I can't become and official B2ST fan cafe member, and an 'official B2UTY' because it's all in Korean, and I'm pretty sure you have to be a citizen of South Korea.

That's really dumb. And annoying.

What about your international fans, B2ST? What about the ones that don't know Korean? Can't speak or read it? Are we not allowed to be part of it? 

That's unfair.

I'm envious and jealous of all the fans that can, and the ones that actually get to go to fan meetings and meet them and all that wonderful, amazing stuff. I'm jealous. So~ jealous. Really.

Did they even come to America during their Beautiful Tour? No?

Didn't think so. Don't worry though, we all still love you. We all still listen to you and stalk your pictures and fangirl when you Tweet, even though we have no idea what your saying. Don't worry. We're still your fans. We'll still spend all of our money on your merchandise and to send you gifts. We'll still tell you happy birthday, and Tweet to you on Twitter, though you'll never Tweet back or probably even give it a second glance. If you even see it, that it. Which you probably don't. We'll still watch all the videos you're all in on Youtube, even if it's only for a split second. We'll cheer for you from in front of our computers. We'll cry when you cry, because when you do, it hurts us too. We'll attempt (and probably fail) to learn your dances and sing your songs, though we'll never be as good as you. 

We'll remain your fans no matter what, because we love you. No matter what. 

It makes me even more sad because I know that all of these things are true. For myself at least. No matter how badly I'd love to meet them and become their friends and make them smile and laugh. No matter how I know that will most likely NEVER happen in my entire life, and no matter how much it hurts me to even think about it, I'll still love you. Even though I know I'll never meet my bias. I'll never be able to tell Yoseob how much I love him. How much I love his smile. How his voice makes me smile. How whenever I get sad, I listen to him and he makes me happy. I'll never be able to meet them. Ever. 

Unless I get insanely lucky, or God loves me and sends me to South Korea and has me meet them some way shape or form. Which will probably never happen.

All of these things make me insanely sad. It makes me not want to even listen to k-pop. It makes me wish my friends never showed it to me. But the second after I think these, or when I don't listen to it for a while, I can't take it. I have to listen to it. I have to see how they're doing. I can't not do it. It's so hard. 

It makes me so happy.

But so sad at the same time.

It is my happiness, my love, my smiles, my laughs. But also my sadness, my anger, my tears, my cries.

It's so many things. It's so beautiful. Beautifully painful. 

Yet here I am, listening to it. Looking at pictures of my bias. Dreaming of meeting him. 

I just can't win with it. 

Sorry. I just needed to rant and get that all out. And I thought I'd do it on here, for some reason. 

If you actually read all of this, thanks I guess....... ><