Do you believe in destiny?

I do.

I have a strange theory about people and their beliefs. Everyone has something they believe in. Doesn't matter if you're Atheist or whatnot. There's still got to be something you desperately believe. An ethic. A standard. 

Something you use to escape the pain or reality. Something to ease you to sleep. Something to help you close your eyes. It doesn't matter what it is. Whether it's Jesus, , K-pop music, an old teddy bear…everyone has something.

Along with destiny and my theory, I also believe in quite a few other things. I believe in the stars, I believe in absolute perfection, I believe in Pokemon, childish things, and most importantly, black bean noodles.

Whenever times were hard, I'd squint at the sky and look for the North Star. If I could find it, or if I couldn't, I'd close my eyes and wish as hard as I could. I'd hope that there were a few stars out there that looked down at me and shook their heads at me in pity. I'd hope that they were so moved by the miserable little girl crying at them that they'd grant her one, measly wish. I never did get my wish granted— well at least not yet, but I did get a gift from them. They gave me a map made of constellations and paintings in the sky, so I would never get lost when I felt everything crumbling around me. Ever since, I've been able to lighten my heart a little. Sleeping became easier, too. I slept soundly, knowing that the brave princess Andromeda stood in the sky, between her parents, watching over me as I slept.

Trying too hard at everything is also another strange fact about me. I believe in total perfection. There's disastrous, and perfection exists at the same time as well. So I do my best at everything, and even that isn't enough for me. I strive beyond my own abilities and capacities to outperform myself. There's no such thing as 'nearly perfect'. There's only perfect, and the opposite, failure. That's the truth, or so I believe.

As perfect as I attempt to be, I admit that I am also a complete dork. I adore Pokemon and animals small enough to fit into a bag. I see one and the professional me vanishes, replaced by a squealing little girl, enchanted by the cuteness. I also admit that I own 61 Pokemon plushies. I have yet to collect them all. I will also proudly say that I don't own a single piece of disturbing lingerie. I don't usually wear ; I prefer Pokemon boxers. But when I do force myself into one of those wretched , I choose to wear ones with Hello Kitty designs on them. 

I am also proud to say that I own 17 Batman socks. Childish to the max.

I guess all that's left to explain would only be destiny and the black bean noodles. 

Destiny is…unstoppable. Everything's already been planned out, executed daily in the most perfect manner. I wonder who's in charge of all this.

I picture it kind of like this: a man with a hat hiding his face stands center to a huge, polished, but plain clock. He stands and turns in the direction of the hour hand watching the seconds, minutes, and hours tick away. He watches, knowing perfectly well that everything is going accordingly to his plan.

I just hope he's nice.

I've grown up a lot from the little girl who thought she could move the sun into the positions it assumes hourly. I chose to accept destiny and the fate it had planned for me. If I had been born with eleven toes and a third eye, maybe it was so some other person would become great and have a bigger, better future. If I was talented at the harmonica, the man on the clock would've used that talent for the better, too.

So, after growing up a lot and thinking about it, I put on a brave face and decided to accept that my parents are just too busy trying to fix up their complicated lives to love me. They're too busy counting their money and trying to feed themselves that they've never had the chance to properly raise a child. It's okay. Really. I understand now.

I live on my life, wishing on stars every day, hoping that the man on the clock will hear me and have mercy. Hoping that things will turn up, that things will get better soon.

Ah, that's more than I had originally intended to say…and I guess we're out of time for now…

so I'll save the black bean noodles for another story time...

Hello! Author, beautiful_ineveryway, here! This time, featuring popular author, babytoad~ :D

What you just read was the prologue to my story, You, Me, and a Bowl of 짜장면(Black Bean Noodles)~ :D

If you're curious as to read more, please follow this link~

You, Me, and a Bowl of 짜장면(Black Bean Noodles)~

Happy reading, yo B)