Why I Haven't Let Go Yet

I’ll say this very frankly.

EXO is probably the one thing that’s keeping me from losing total interest in Kpop.

And then when I see some NU’EST fans bashing on the EXO fandom on tumblr for being so-called ‘elitists’, I get so annoyed. So now I’m not allowed to give the majority of my affection to a single group? Am I obliged to like other groups?

When EXO was announced by SM, I was getting close to the last stages of cutting complete ties with the Kpop fandom. Thoughts of deleting my AFF, tumblr, and other Kpop related networks were going through my head at the time. But ironically, the day I set out to erase myself entirely from the Kpop fandom, I was scrolling through my old Facebook’s (I have a new one) newsfeed, which had updates from allkpop because I had liked allkpop’s official Facebook page, and the title contained the words, ‘SM’ and ‘new boy group’. The funny thing is that I didn’t even like SM artists that much aside from SHINee and f(x) but somehow, I knew that EXO was going to be the one.

So yeah, that’s just to explain why I love EXO to bits. But the main topic here is that I feel that despite EXO keeping a tight grip on me, I know I’m drifting farther and farther away from the Kpop fandom.

And honestly, I don’t expect to be active on AFF in a year or so. But I know for certain that my AFF account will be deleted in the next three or so years for reasons I can’t say. But we’ll just have to wait and see what happens.

And trust me, saying good-bye to the Kpop fandom is hard. It’s saying good-bye to the thing that saved me when I was on the verge of just losing myself. To put it lightly, I was in a severe depression not too long ago actually. In fact if I showed you a picture of how I looked and acted barely two years ago and now, the change is drastic. In some ways, I could call it both my “beauty story” and “learning how to be self-suffiency/being diagnosed with an attachment disorder story”. There's a happy ending, depending on how you see it.

But the beauty side to the story still amazed me sometimes. But that’s a story for another day. Lol, if someone actually wants to listen to the story.

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SkyeLin #1 Jul 12, 2012 03:49:01

:\ I'd want to listen as well. I can't exactly relate.. but.. I'd be all ears. Even though I can't possibly know or understand what you're going through, went through, or will experience in the future I hope that every actions/decision you make will be one that you won't come to regret. I know that you'll think things carefully through before doing something, so I hope that in the end everything will work out for you ^^ With or without kpop.

kamisama #2 Jul 12, 2012 00:31:44

I want to listen C:
And yeah tbh I was beginning to cut ties with the kpop world and was beginning to feel fed up, till exo came along. To be quite honest, I'm actually so out of touch with everything in the kpop world right now. I still haven't watched teen top or B1A4's new mvs yet, haven't listened to the songs either, etc., but the one thing I'm up to date on is exo's stuff. I don't know what it is about them that is making me keep my connection to the kpop world.
Actually I think I might jut write a blog post about this too since I have a lot more to say :/

citylights #3 Jul 12, 2012 00:29:50

Sometimes I feel like K-pop is too... obsessed with perfection. And that's what I dislike about K-pop; the idols are too perfect, their images feel fake. And since the idols seem so perfect, everyone worships them and wants to marry them and claims them and that's how fanwars start and everyone is so defensive and... Those are the times I feel like I don't want to be a part of it anymore.

angelastyles #4 Jul 12, 2012 00:29:31

"EXO is probably the one thing that’s keeping me from losing total interest in Kpop."

Your opening line omg. So true with me. Shinee and the other groups that I used to be so enamored with have no hold of me anymore. Sadly.

But I get it. And it's so ironic how you made this blog post because the other day, I was really contemplating with making a "I'm getting detached from KPOP now, so esta laters" blog, too, but I thought that it might give off the wrong impression with my Tokki Berry followers xD

I think you told me your transformation story before, or so I vaguely remember. It probably couldn't be the same story, but still I give so much props to you. However, I don't think Kpop is the only thing that saved you. I think it was the fact that you grew up and taught yourself certain things about your own life. So in a way - and I hope you don't think it's too aggressive of me to jump into conclusions - I think the one thing that mostly saved you was yourself <3

I hope, though, even if you do decide to delete your AFF account we still keep in touch! We have each other on FB so I expect to still talk to you on there! I honestly can say that I don't make a lot of "long withstanding" friendships on AFF, but you my dearest are a keeper! ♡