once upon a time (2 years ago almost) I graduated from highschool! great accomplishment, I mean especially from dubbed trailer trash like me... but well, I haven't been doing much I guess. I guess it has always been my lazy streak that's brought me down, or my "don't worry, be happy" mentality, cause well, everyone I know seems to have accomplished something since they graduated.

one of my best friends is about to enter her junior year od college to be a freaking teacher... she's also getting married next year, gotta start loosing some pounds just incase she chooses and unflattering color (pray said brides maid dress has good view of cleavage, her future hubby has lotsa good looking friends^^)

another friend has worked at several nursing homes and is about to move out of state to do volunteer work in some remote country (granted I wouldn't like this since you need to get a million needles shoved in your skin to travel to some of these places...)

and another friend is a nanny (much like I was, though she makes more and got to live at her home... and she can drive so that ups her clientele I guess)

and then there's me- I've had like one job since I've graduated and while I like to blame it on the economy... I really don't like lying to me or anyone else, I at motivation...

before you say anything like "you can do it, it'll be a bit hard but everyo-" no man, motivational speeches actually lesson my drive I think. once people try the "you can do it!" cheer my inner b*tch sorta just takes over and I'm like "oh please b*tch, get out the way!" *insert head and finger wave*

it reminds me of PE during our runs, my running partner would be all "come on, just a few more laps, comeon, keep running" and I'd answer her with a "haha, yeah right" and slow down even more....

maybe it's my inner rebel talking, I sorta skipped over my rebellious stage and just kinda went into my emo one, other wise I've always been pretty obedient and good...

but yeah, I gotta work on that I guess, my inner b*tch and my inner feminist don't make their appearances very often but they're pretty freaking strong when they do come out so it's always a bit of a surprise to me sometimes *shrugs*

another thing I've noticed since I've graduated is that my sketch books are turning into memo books- like I have no inspiration to draw anymore and just use the extra paper to write down appointments and such... which is pretty messed up if you think about it, I used to be able to finish a sketchbook in about two months and now I barely even pick it up -.- I always told my self growing up that I'd never let go of drawing cause it's something that has kept me sane... but with me not living a structured life I'd lived in highschool my inspiration is gone...

which lead me to think "well golly gee wilikers Batman, my inspiration all along was school of all places -.-"

but yeah, hopefully I can get life on hold, get off my lovely little rump and get to know the world even more... that and get better at interviews, they are ever so awkward -.-

anyways, other then my little self loathing moment, life has been pretty good^^ working on my stories and filling out applications, there's always hope^^