One mooooooore thing. the "ex-BBCs"! You weren't a fan in the first place of you knew you weren't gonna support the guys through thick and thin. I wish I had a big middle finger to share with those motherers and an even bigger they could press their lips upon. Excuse my language but this makes me so ticked off...though I was disappointed in them, I still give them my whole heart filled with love and support because I know they feel they don't have a lot. If I saw them on the street I'd stop whatever I was doing and give them the biggest hug and just whisper to them so nobody else has to know that they have my love and support. Things get hard but The Creator is only testing your endurance. This will be, by far, one of the biggest ones. If you get passed this, you can do anything in this world. Then I would run away embarrassed because I was a random person that just came up to them and hugged them. That's really frickin weird if you ask me.

But, I know that without knowing that I have people around me that I could count on to support me, I wouldn't know where I'd be. You have to talk to the ones you trust. I really don't have it now because I haven't told anyone else this story and it's been eating me up inside. I need to visit her grave and I keep telling my mom that. Each time I'd come home from school I would tell her that because I want to let this out to her in person. I just want her to know I love her so much and I feel so guilty. I want this burden finally off my shoulders so I can live a bit easier knowing that she knows how I feel. Don't hate all people, just highly dislike the ignorant one and the selfish ones. Just like how I highly dislike myself. Funerals shouldn't be called "funerals" because of the simple fact that they have "fun" in the beginning. There's nothing fun about them.

What the guys said below, TOO true. Honestly, I feel without my family I don't think I would survive. This story isn't gonna make this any better, or it may but I want to share it anyway because you're one of the greatest friends I've made on here and it's about time I get this off my chest. Late late summer, my great grandmother died due to lung cancer. No one really knows how this happened at all but a few years earlier, my mom had told me that doctors had found small "things" in her lungs but they thought nothing of it. They were the tumors (so we can sure those doctors for malpractice for not checking them thoroughly). When my mother told me she had died, I was numb. She sat on my bed with me and she had tears rolling down her face and me, I just sat there staring blankly because really I didn't want to believe it. After she left I completely broke down, screaming in my pillow, trashing my room I had just cleaned up. I felt so torn apart and I'm still so heartbroken about this (I'm making an appointment with my therapist on Monday to help talk about it). I felt so guilty because I felt it was my fault. I didn't make the honest effort to see her when she was in the hospital, I stayed out of the hospital room because I believed she was gonna get better. I didn't make the effort to see her when she got out of the hospital because my mom didn't feel like driving out there, she always put it off saying "We'll see her tomorrow". I should have forced her to go. The day she died we were suppose to see her and I was ready to go until she told me the news. I was selfish when she visited my house for the weekend because I didn't share my Korean pear with her. She left before it was ripe enough to cut and I didn't want to cut it. I should've just cut it. I pray that while she's in heaven, she's eating all of the sweetest, juiciest pears that I haven't tasted, I hope she is eating all these foods that she hasn't tasted. She was a big fan of other cultures and their food.

oh geeze...some people really have it tough in this world

>.< who's dad committed suicide??? do i know them?? and aegyo, you're gonna have a nephew~ that we shall torture >:3

"It's better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all."