☉ SUNGHA IS AT PEARL CENTER
tw: implied suicidal ideation
he stood on the dock, the lamposts flickering behind him as he stared down at the moon's reflection on the dark ocean water.
the waves moved slowly, the repetitive push and pull trying to lull him into a trance. it was unnecessary, of course. he was already lost in a daze. he'd been lost in one for over a year now.
even as he gazed out into the vast darkness of the haunting waters, his eyes weren't really taking in the sights of what was in front of him. rather, it was like he was trying to draw out a memory. to see something that wasn't physically there.
he let out a soft exhale. had he been breathing up until that point? he couldn't remember. his body seemed to be taking care of him on its own, going through the motions of every day life. he barely noticed, of course. it was like he had left his body on autopilot and he was simply looking out at the world passing by without a single thought.
sungha.
he gazed into the water in front of him.
you're suffering, aren't you?
it hurt to breathe. his throat felt tight and his chest was heavy.
come to me, sungha. come join me.
he didn't realize his eyes had welled up in tears until his vision became blurry, breathing softly as though he could dispel the tiniest bits of the emptiness filling his soul with each breath. it was unbearable, the pain.
losing himself to the voice calling him, he inched closer to the edge of the dock.
it seemed like a good answer. he could be free of the weight. he could be with his love again. perhaps the key to breathing again was to drown first. he had always been terrified by the ocean but tonight, it seemed so inviting. it seemed to call him.
the bookstore's
채성하
FULL NAME chae sungha.
OTHER NAMES here.
jwesong 죄송 meaning "i'm sorry" in korean, it can sound a bit similar to "chae sung". he's normally a very apologetic person, constantly saying sorry for the smallest things that the nickname just kind of stuck.
heartbreaker he's known for receiving quite a few confessions due to his good looks and gentle appearance but he never accepts or dates any of the ladies who fall for him. in simdong and even in seoul, the title seemed to follow him around as people couldn't seem to stumble after the prince charming he appeared to be.
BIRTHDATE 12/23, 22.
ETHNICITY korean.
GENDER cis male.
UALITY homoual
FACECLAIM skz hwang hyunjin.
STATURE 173 cm.
APPEARANCE black hair that seems to occasionally cover his soft brown eyes that shine with gentleness and compassion – but they won't let you see into his soul. a shy, modest smile that never really seems to exude genuine happiness, seeming more like something painted on a mask. he stands straight, a princely aura around him, but he never stands too close, keeping his distance as if he was something that wasn't allowed to be touched. a sweet and handsome shell of a gentleman, protecting an anxious and hurt heart.
STYLE casual. soft boy. t-shirts. corduroy pants. button ups under sweaters. long socks. washed out cuffed jeans. large cardigans. flannels. old, worn out, white converse.
PERSONALITY
ref. fruits basket yuki sohma
kind, diligent, responsible, charming, helpful
introverted, soft spoken
nervous, insecure, distant, absent-minded
tropes
stepford smiler / emotionally tongue tied / prince charming / broken bird
to any average person, sungha seems almost perfect, as if he had come straight out of a fairytale. sure, he's more on the reserved side but if you're ever in need of assistance, he'll approach you with his gentle smile and even stick around until he's sure you'll be fine on your own. when given a task, he works hard until it's complete and does all he can to provide the best he has to offer. people can trust him to take care of most tasks, knowing that they can depend on him to get it done. he doesn't seem to have much trouble coming up with solutions and is known to be quite reliable no matter the situation. no one has seen him snap or show any signs of annoyance or irritation. he greets everyone with a soft smile and the words he says are sweet, always complimenting others and finding the good in them when they're feeling low. it's hard to find a flaw in him and if people really tried, all they could do is point out how he seems to lose himself in a random daze every once in a while. aside from that, he seems to be anyone's dream guy.
once you take him away from the adoring crowd, you'd see that sungha is shaped from his low self esteem and desire to be good and well liked. his personality was formed unconsciously, watching how his father acted in his younger days and feeling the need to prove to himself that he would never become that kind of person, that he's a better person. the loss of an important male figure in his life and witnessing the hurt his mother went through created an unspoken fear within him, telling him that he had to behave a certain way at all times in order to be liked and perhaps, even to make sure his mom never chose to leave him as well. even when he speaks, he feels as though he's just been programmed to say kind things, too scared to say anything wrong as fear controls his every movement. as nice as it may seem to be viewed as a prince, sungha can't help but feel trapped in this fake persona and is really just scrambling to keep it together in order to appease others and be accepted. however, he's convinced that the moment he messes up, he'll lose everything.
it's rare for him to not be pulled aside by someone at least once a day. anyone on the outside looking in would see him and assume that he's a big people person, always being surrounded by others but in reality, he's extremely distant. the conversations he exchanges with peopler are nothing but polite pleasantries. deep down, all he really wants is to fully connect with people, to be rid of the loneliness, but he's too scared to really try. no one actually knows anything besides the surface level of his life. he doesn't allow people to get any closer, usually only engaging in small talk. as much as he seems like the "main character" due to his looks and persona, he's really just like a drifting side character, being there when it's convenient for others, helping them when they're in need, only to disappear again.
after the incident at uni, he's become even more closed off. when he's alone, the mask completely drops off and it's as if he becomes sadness itself. no more smiles, no more prince charming. he's like a zombie, moving around but completely soulless. he hardly speaks and it's as if there's a gray cloud following him, exhaustion evident in his distant eyes.
tldr: sungha is just a shell, trapping an overwhelming amount of emptiness underneath. he's the kind of person who looks like they have a lot of friends because everyone knows him but at the end of the day, he's all alone.
BACKGROUND
tw. suicide. mention of depression. loss.
sungha grew up outside of simdong, having lived in the city during his early years. it wasn't until his mother could no longer handle the abuses of her husband that she finally took sungha to the safety of simdong, reuniting with her parents. the two continued to quietly live their lives in the quaint but tight knit community, however, the fears of his father continued to linger within sungha. he grew up with the fear of needing to be perfect, even becoming afraid of expressing any emotions. he thought it was safer to suppress than show.
as years passed and sungha's mom watched him grow up into a well mannered boy, she couldn't help but carry a weight of guilt, fearing that she had stripped him of experiencing and living his own life. she knew that she was only protecting him but she didn't want to hold him back from the vast opportunities the city could offer him. his mother always spoke of attending a university outside of simdong and sungha, who never really had any drive or goals in life, decided to abide by her wishes. of course, he was extremely reluctant to leave her side but he was obedient enough to heed her request.
he met his first boyfriend in uni, finding someone he felt his soul really connected to. through his lover, he was able to grow a bit out of his shell, finding that he felt less like he was simply putting on a mask and really having genuine fun with people. it felt like the city was where he belonged, like his soul had been called there to meet his other half and find himself. they were complete opposites but simultaneously the perfect match. two broken pieces that joined in perfect union to make a whole. perhaps that was why sungha reacted so strongly when they had their first fight.
it was never meant to escalate that far but little things had continued to pile up without much communication. he had been given no guidebook for dating and they were still young and foolish. as much as they loved each other, the lack of vulnerability created a wedge between them. sungha never knew of his boyfriend's struggle with depression and he never voiced his growing loneliness. irritation and feelings of neglect only grew until the two had their first argument, both of them blowing up at each other until sungha finally let out words he would never be able to take back again.
"you're so goddamn selfish, seunggyu! i wish you would just leave me alone!"
words that were spat out in a blind fit of rage became the trigger for his boyfriend drinking himself away, all reasoning drowned under the alcohol as he took his life. when sungha tried to apologize, he found that he was far too late and he spiraled down into an abyss of pure grief and emptyness. everywhere he went, he was reminded of his lover, the memories they had made, the happiness they once had. it was all too overwhelming for him so when his grandparents called, telling him his mother was feeling ill, he jumped at the chance to go back home, to run away from dealing with the loss.
LIFESTYLE before returning to simdong, sungha had become nothing more than a zombie. he tried hard to appear fine but people could see it, the grief eating away at him. the joy he had found with seunggyu was now gone and only emptiness filled his eyes. his friends tried to get him to talk, to unload the weight that was dragging behind him, but he couldn't seem to. rather, he didn't want to. he was afraid. terrified that facing it would mean accepting that seunggyu was really gone and he wasn't ready to do that. to allow himself to let go and move on. to live a happy life when seunggyu no longer could. he acted like he had it all together but he was barely able to take care of himself properly when he was alone.
moving back to simdong, he resides with his mother (who had simply suffered from a broken ankle after falling off of a ladder) and his grandparents. it should feel the same as old times but his mom knows. she knows her son has become different. he won't ever admit it though, plastering on his smile and continuing to keep up the image of a collected and perfect prince charming. when he's not roaming around town, helping others, he'll be watching the bookstore from 8am to 10pm.
TRIVIA
✗ the bookstore normally closes at 10 but he keeps it open until midnight. he claims it's to keep their services open for people but he uses it as an excuse to not have to go out and mingle too much with others.
✗ doesn't know how to swim. he finds the water beautiful but is also wary because of the potential dangers of drowning.
✗ is considered a favorite amongst ahjummas because of his inability to say no so he always ends up helping them when they ask of it.
✗ never felt the need to announce or hide his uality.
✗ he doesn't drink alcohol and always uses the excuse of being the designated driver or needing to look after everyone to get out of it
✗ has a habit of gripping onto the hem of his shirt when he's anxious. he picked up this habit around seunggyu, always reaching out to cling onto him whenever something happened.
✗ quite a mess at home. he doesn't know how to cook so he relies on instant food or take out. his room is rarely clean, not having the energy to tidy it up, let alone put his clothes away.
✗ sweets lover. prefers hot chocolate to any other drink.
✗ not a morning person. he's extremely groggy, disheveled and out of it when first getting up.
✗ has yet to cry in front of anyone.
✗ studied business in uni. he was originally undeclared but decided to pursue business management after meeting seunggyu, wanting to go in the same direction as him.
✗ is not one to chase after leadership positions but finds himself in them anyways because people push him towards it. hated group projects in uni.
RELATIONSHIPS
FAMILY
mother and grandparents
even when he was still living with his dad, sungha's mom was constantly protecting him, making sure to raise him to be kind and loving, the complete opposite of her husband. she may not be the most tough and outspoken woman around but she would do anything for her son and he knows it. growing up, the two of them relied heavily on each other and found little happinesses in each other's company. even when they moved to simdong, sungha always devoted himself to taking care of his mom. he's known to be extremely filial and would do anything for his mother, always seeing how hard she works to let him live a good life. the two of them have a generally wholesome relationship and all his mother wants is for him to become truly happy and come to a place in his life where he can finally speak up about his pains without worry.
his grandparents were very welcoming, opening their doors for sungha and his mom to find solace. they are a lot more outgoing and talkative than the mother and son duo but it's all done out of a place of love. sungha treats them respectfully like any other elder but he's the most comfortable with his mother around.
YUGYEONG
acquaintance
he sees a bit of himself in yugyeong in the aspect that they both feel they need to behave a certain way in order to not be left. sungha's mom had taken it upon herself to help yugyeong's mother as much as she could, always going over to bring by some food or just making sure she wasn't struggling too much, sharing the experience of being a single mother. sungha was made aware of her existence early on because of that but due to both of their quiet personalities, they never grew to become too close. of course, he does make it a point to greet her and attempt conversation as they grow up, half of it due to his newfound prince charming persona and the other half simply because he knew what it must feel like to grow up without a father. the stories might not have been the same but he couldn't help but feel like she understood the loneliness that lingered in the corners of their hearts. he even approached her on a father's day during one of their early high school years and kind of made it a tradition to bring her a little treat every father's day because he understands the quiet bitterness and hurt of not having one despite seeming okay. they don't do anything more than casual conversations and simply found no reason to stay in contact when they both moved out of simdong.
JISUNG
acquaintance
it was hard not to know jisung when starting a life in simdong. his energetic and outgoing personality made it easy for people to feel comfortable around him and sungha couldn't help but be drawn to him whenever he was in the room. jisung was exactly the kind of person sungha wished he could be, someone so genuine in his actions and words. he wasn't a fake. he wasn't like sungha. due to jisung's bright personality and sungha's persona, the two interacted quite a bit but never came to the point of becoming close - mostly because sungha would never allow himself to open up and let it happen. there are many times when sungha would sit back and wonder if he could just stop getting in his own way and letting a friendship blossom between them, maybe his life could be different. for now, he simply sticks to admiring the other, a quiet jealousy mixed in with an abundance of respect. if jisung was a pure luxury brand, sungha was simply a knock off, desperately doing whatever he could to appear just as real and just as great.
HAN SEUNGGYU
deceased lover. tw. mention of suicide.
seunggyu was everything sungha wasn't. in some ways, he was similar to jisung in the aspect that he seemed so real and genuine in the ways he interacted people. he was outgoing, friendly, kind, funny, and never afraid to speak his mind. he was everything sungha wished he could one day become. as the saying goes, opposites attract and there seemed to be an unspoken attraction between the two, both of them seeing such unique and beautiful souls within the other. because of their personalities, they spoke quite often and even ended up working on a couple class projects together. because of seunggyu's eagerness to get to know the other, they were always spending time together and slowly enough, sungha was allowing seunggyu to chip down the wall he had built up. they seemed to fit so perfectly together, two pieces from the same puzzle and everyone could see they were meant to be. sungha was on cloud nine, believing that seunggyu was what he had needed to finally feel free to love himself and undo years of unhealthy expectations he had put on himself. it was his first relationship, his first kiss, his first raw connection, his first love. and perhaps it was the inexperience and innocence that caused them to shatter.
seunggyu didn't enjoy speaking about his own struggles, pushing his own negative emotions down for him to deal with alone. he wanted to be the one that sungha could rely on, the one he could turn to when he was feeling sad. because of this, sungha was left in the dark on his boyfriend's mental health. it wasn't anyone's fault, really. perhaps it was all just a matter of bad timing or simply the universe telling them they found each other too fast. seunggyu would begin to isolate himself more and more as he tried to deal with his emotions and sungha would begin to feel abandoned and as weeks went on with neither of them properly addressing the situation, it was only a matter of time until they both exploded. it was an argument blinded with hurt and fears. it was the fuse that set off the bomb. no one knows why seunggyu decided to take his life but sungha was devastated when he found out. to this day, he carries the weight of guilt and lets it rest heavy on his shoulders. he can't bring himself to grieve, to move on. he's not ready to let him go.
THIS or THAT?
by water or by land
candle light or electric
by car or by foot
homemade or premade
afterlife or reincarnation
ghosts exist or no ghosts
friends or family
in a fairytale...
would your character be the hero, the damsel in distress, or the villain ? (answer as creator)
he's a hero but has the potential to become a villain out of grief and the proper amount of meddling with his thoughts and emotions before he can reach his proper development of letting go of his hurt and loss?? ?
would your character say they are the hero, the damsel in distress, or the villain ? (character's answer.)
a damsel in distress cosplaying as the hero
in a fairytale...
would your character be the hero, the damsel in distress, or the villain ? (answer as creator)
he's a hero but has the potential to become a villain out of grief and the proper amount of meddling with his thoughts and emotions before he can reach his proper development of letting go of his hurt and loss?? ?
would your character say they are the hero, the damsel in distress, or the villain ? (character's answer.)
a damsel in distress cosplaying as the hero
COMMENTS he was basically created around the concept of loss and grief but i'm not sure if it's something that will be dived into in a horror au ;; i am offering him to you anyways!
+ inspiration pulled from furuba's yuki sohma, given's sato mafuyu, wandavision, and a whole bunch of grief edits on youtube !
and aaa idk if you're taking scene requests or if this would even have any relevance in the fic but on the chance that he is chosen, i would love a scene where he faces his emotions and releases the pain he's been holding in either with his newfound friends aka the other applicants or even just with his mom
sen
3/10
c. shibutani
Comments